Hours into his 21-hour-plus speech on the Senate floor on Tuesday, Senator Ted Cruz gave a reading of Dr. Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham.
It was an ironic choice, given that Cruz was arguing against implementing Obamacare and the message of Green Eggs and Ham is "don't be so quick to criticize something until you've tried it," not to mention the fact that Dr. Seuss wrote Green Eggs and Ham to win a bet with his publisher that he couldn't write a book using only 50 words. I don't want to even guess how many words there were in Cruz's near-endless oration.
In 1972, Dr. Seuss wrote a book called Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now! Two years later, he sent an edited version of the text to Art Buchwald, in which he had crossed out all mentions of "Marvin K. Mooney" and replaced them with "Richard M. Nixon."
As Buchwald explained in the Washington Post, "It sounded like fun so I asked him if I could reprint it. Please read it aloud."
With that in mind, I thought it might be fun, and fitting, to do one more round of name-replacement...
Senator Ted Cruz Will You Please Go Now!
Senator Ted Cruz will you please go now!
The time has come.
The time has come.
The time is now.
Just go.
Go.
Go!
I don't care how.
You can go by foot.
You can go by cow.
Senator Ted Cruz will you please go now!
You can go on skates.
You can go on skis.
You can go in a hat.
But
Please go.
Please!
I don't care.
You can go
By bike.
You can go
On a Zike-Bike
If you like.
If you like
You can go
In an old blue shoe.
Just go, go, GO!
Please do, do, do, DO!
Senator Ted Cruz
I don't care how.
Senator Ted Cruz
Will you please
GO NOW!
You can go on stilts.
You can go by fish.
You can go in a Crunk-Car
If you wish.
If you wish
You may go
By lion's tale.
Or stamp yourself
And go by mail.
Senator Ted Cruz
Don't you know
The time has come
To go, go, GO!
Get on your way!
Please Senator Ted!
You might like going in a Zumble-Zay.
You can go by balloon . . .
Or broomstick.
Or
You can go by camel
In a bureau drawer.
You can go by bumble-boat
. . . or jet.
I don't care how you go.
Just get!
Senator Ted Cruz!
I don't care how.
Senator Ted Cruz
Will you please
GO NOW!
I said
GO
And
GO
I meant . . .
The time had come
So . . .
Ted Cruz WENT.
The Washington Post published the Nixon version on July 30, 1974. Nixon resigned ten days later.
Not that Ted Cruz is planning on going anywhere (anywhere but up the political ladder, that is), but, as Dr. Seuss wrote, "oh the thinks you can think if only you try!"