A little girl growing up in Oakland, California climbs into the backseat of her mother's car and closes the door. As she fastens her seatbelt and answers her mother's questions about her day and what she learned at school, she looks out the window at a group of her classmates chasing each other around aggressively on the front lawn of her elementary school.
They are Black boys, and though Black boys don't make up the majority of the school population, they are at the front of the popular social order of their school. They have the coolest (or at least the most expensive) shoes and they're known by everyone. They're fourth graders but they swear and talk about sex. They know about a lot, except reading, basic math, and self-control. Some are even violent and it is common for adult teachers both male and female to be physically afraid of them. Yes, physically afraid of a fourth grader.
Of course, it isn't fair to pin these generalizations on every Black boy at the school, but it is applicable to a large enough majority of them to have a general expectation that is unfair, racist, and detrimental to their development -- yet tragically accurate.
Their state of ill-behavior and inability to perform academically is not their fault though. These boys have been birthed into a community under the boot of centuries of oppression and deliberate assault by it's government. Toppled with a cocktail of horrible or non-existent parenting and dangerous neighborhoods, they are in a state of subconscious and conscious trauma. This trauma manifests in their behavior and is greatly misunderstood and not acknowledged by the school system that measures and judges them.
Black boys under the age of 12 are constantly being removed from class and even arrested for non-violent acts of defiance, all in plain view of their classmates. The Southern Poverty Law Center released a study in 2010 that revealed that in a national sample of more than 9,000 middle schools, 28.3 percent of black males, on average, were suspended at least once during a school year, nearly three times the 10 percent rate for white males. Black females were suspended more than four times as often as white females (18 percent vs. 4 percent).
During the academic school year of 2011/2012, Black boys in the Oakland Unified School District (Oakland, CA) made up 43 percent of the suspensions district wide, according to research reported by Chris Chatmon, Executive Officer of the African-American Male Achievement Office for Oakland Schools. This is an appalling figure seeing how Black boys only make up 17 percent of the district population. Mr. Chatmon encourages a focus on the positive...
"Our district is the first district in the nation to not only acknowledge that there is something wrong happening with the over-suspension and referral of Black boys, but to take a step beyond that and commit to doing something about it! The forming of the African-American Male Achievement Office puts Black boys back in the classroom consistently and our Manhood Development Program proved to have an immediate impact by putting these boys in classes facilitated by Black men. This district is tackling the achievement gap head-on as well as reducing the suspension and incarceration rate of our boys. That's a point of great inspiration."
But this article isn't really about Black boys or their behavior. I'd like to focus on another concern: How Black girls observing the way Black boys are regarded in elementary school impacts their perception of Black boys, thus their relationships with Black men later in life, thus the Black family.
There's a boatload of studies and statistics that reveal the staggering percentage of Black children growing up without a father in their home. This is another factor in the depth of impact that excessive kicking out of class and negative chastisement has on a Black girl's perception of Black boys. Without a present and healthy example of a Black man in the home, this little Black girl has no counter narrative to challenge the overt and inadvertent negative message she is being given at school about Black boys. America in general has staggering divorce rates across racial lines, but let's be clear -- that is not nearly the same thing! First of all, at least the average kid with divorced parents has witnessed an attempted union between their parents. Ask any Black person in America and they'll tell you they've been to far more baby showers than wedding showers and sadly more funerals than weddings. Then there are all the stats around Black male incarceration, dropout rates, and unemployment.
For a moment, let's put all the graphs and charts aside and look at that little Black girl sitting in an elementary classroom. When she looks over her shoulder and sees Donte, Jabari, Shaquille, or Jontay -- who does she see? When she constantly sees them being kicked out of class, suspended, or yelled at, what does she think? When her teacher who she regards as a source of knowledge and guidance seems to have an attitude of contempt towards the Black boys, what does she learn?
I propose that what she is learning, or better yet what she is given, is a personal and real time validation of the message that is fed to her through media and society at large:
Black men and boys are naturally monsters. They are untrustworthy, irresponsible, and have no self-control. Black men and boys are undesirable, unreliable, and most obviously -- you should have a low expectation for them.
This is her view of the boys that will grow up to be her potential mates and colleagues. White girls her age constantly witness their white male counterparts being validated and encouraged. White boys never have to be included into the learning environment because they are naturally a part of the fabric of the school. Young white boys and girls grow into their adolescent years without the mucus of discrimination and distrust between them that plagues young black teenagers. Undeniably, this has a positive effect on their ability to form loving partnerships and unions.
The little Black girl will grow up with three options regarding her attitude about being in relationships with Black men:
1. Struggle to unlearn the foul sentiment she is given about Black boys and men.
2. Accept the notion that Black boys and men are naturally monsters who are untrustworthy, irresponsible, and have no self-control. (This doesn't mean she won't be with Black men, it just means she will see unacceptable and or abusive behavior from her Black male partner as normal.)
3. Date and marry men outside of her race.
Statistically she is far more likely to be in a position of hiring one of these Black boys for a job or admitting him into a school than a Black man will. So we must ask ourselves a key question:
How does the mass suspension and referral of Black boys impact future generations of the Black family?
It is important that teachers realize that we are not only preparing our students for their futures in education and careers, but also in their development into fatherhood and motherhood. Every time (yes, every time) we are kicking a Black boy out of class or writing him a referral we are adding to the demise of the Black family. In the inversion of the situation, every time (yes, every time) we struggle with these little brothers, every time we elevate what a great job they are doing, every time we reward them, we are contributing to the revitalization of the Black family.
I am not for one second discounting the need for discipline in the classroom nor the fact that this student demographic can be extremely difficult to work with at times. Surely there are behaviors that warrant a child being removed from a class or even suspended. However, I am saying that before removing a student from class it is important to fully understand the implication of that decision.
I smile at the idea of that same little Black girl smiling at her classmate, a young Black boy named Donte, Jabari, Shaquille, or Jontay as he is being patted on the back and told how smart he is. She notices the respect he was just given, how nice his shirt is, and how he reads the same books she likes to read. From there, before they are noticing each other's bodies and curves, a new day and hope begins...
Follow Ise Lyfe on Twitter: www.twitter.com/iselyfe
As for discipline: I find ways to "catch my students being good" and then praise them for the positive behavior. I handle negative behavior quietly, in private, because without an audience that negative behavior isn't nearly as "fun". I believe this is what the article is advocating-not less discipline but more positive interaction and quick and quiet discipline before it gets to the suspension level.
I know the author did not make this article about black men's appeal to black women because the only measure of a males worth is his ability to please a women but it kind of sounds that way. We need to treat our boys well so they can live well for their own sake. The social model where we make our little ones into ideal mates for one another seems hopelessly broken. We need to teach boys to value themselves for their own sake. Seeing themselves as a future supporter of women is a joke when they are surrounded by women an d single moms who pride themselves on not needing a man.
In lower economic school districts this dynamic gets more extreme. Boys are taught, that above all else, "Don't be a punk!" There is also a historical distrust (rightfully so in some cases) of authority. So they learn to survive one way in the streets and then we expect them to turn into compliant little angels in a classroom who will take reprimand and/or being shown up by a brighter student and not want to protect their "street cred" especially if there are girls in the class they want to impress who are giggling (cause girls can be mean that way) at their mistakes. We don't teach boys how to deal with stress, except to lash out. We tell them that to admit failure is weakness. Even the boys who want to earn praise from a teacher, know could mean a punch in the face later from his boys.
It seems like he is. It sounds like Ise attributes the problems in the black family to a lack of positive reinforcement for black boys at school. The real problem is that they don't learn discipline at home and they attend crappy public school run by teachers' unions that don't care about students. They need more discipline, not less.
I'm a tradition sort of guy so I don't have a problem with how you define manhood. However always telling men to step up does not work & has not worked for decades, (it's still a good premise). However, what we need now is balance. Black men & Black women sitting down, working things out & settling on a list that also defines a "real" women.
Here is my starter list, feel free to add to it:
Real women don't pretend that only Black men have problems. Women need to start checking other Black women more often when they are out of control instead of accusing men of hating women.
Real women understand if you are truly independent it is wrong to view men in financial terms with financial expectations--especially if you don’t want to be defined in sexual terms with sexual expectations. You can’t be a modern woman, but hold on to the things from the old school that solely benefit you.
Real women understand, (speaking of being viewed in sexual terms) , that they should never try to get men to focus on their mind when their goods are packaged specifically to make us ignore everything and look at your goods.
Real women understand they can influence men but they can't change them . If they see things they don’t like at the start, then realize that they will probably be there at the end when you get hurt. Therefore real women accept responsibility for their choices and they don't pretend they are the only ones that get hurt.
Real women tell men to wrap it up or they don't have sex. They don't not imagine that making a man a father will make him responsible.
Real woman are willing to take some of the responsibility for the boys who are grown men, but are still boys.
Real women have self control and understand that men and women should just keep their hands off of each other. They don't hit and expect not to get hit back.
Real men check their male friends when they start to discuss their "conquests" of women or just generally check them when they know they are mistreating a female.
How about NOT encouraging other men when they're being really disrepectful of their women or of women in general. Lying your way into a woman's bed/life should NOT be something to be admired.
Real men check their sons, nephews, neighbor's kids when they witness mistreatment of women. Its not okay to simply refer to women in general as b---ches, ho's, or anything else disrespectful.
Real men be an example to your offspring on how to treat a woman respectfully. As a matter of fact, just be an example of a real man.
Real men please be a significant force in your daughter's life.
Real men do not let baby mama drama interfere with their relationships with their children period!
and lastly,
Real men please tell the idots on the street to PULL THOSE DAMN PANTS UP!
The only part of this excellent article I have issue with is the author's concern for black girls marrying outside of their race, as if that is something that is so bad. As a mixed-race product of a French national white dad and a 1/2 white French and 1/2 Oakland black mother; two generations of intermarriage; I see that black women who choose non-black men may finally have an opportunity to get away from the toxic culture that has destroyed several generations of black men, and which may just give their children a fighting chance--children who may then put some positivity back into the culture.
And as for your point about interracial marriage. . .
-It's chauvinistically laughable to put "toxic culture" on black men when everyone sees black women acting out everywhere.
-Quiet as kept most black men do so because they're trying to escape the same toxicity you attribute to one gender.
-The men are also trying to leave the overly-generalized contempt many black women seem to have because the men are historically marginalized and unable to provide the societal status they see white women enjoy. Long ago it crossed the point that black women were just as harsh on black men as white racists. Even to the point of using the same insults or joining white males in race taunts.
If you're going to speak on it, tell the WHOLE truth or get out and see more.
Premature. Extremely premature and assumptive. I have no contempt for men and recognize they are also victims of the same system that victimizes women. I said so numerous in a comment on an HP article on "The decline of men".
Stating that boys and girls go through puberty differently and deal with social pressures differently is not contempt. Saying that boys are more inclined to show their frustration or embarrassment by acting out (whereas girls tend to internalize it) is simply stating a well known fact. Stating that boys feel less social pressure and embarrassment when girls are not around, and so learn better, is something already been said by child psychologists and educators with far more experience. So perhaps before you jump to conclusions about the motives of the person posting, you should research what they say first. It will add far more authority, validity and purpose to your posts. A good place to start is an article in the New York Times about educating boys and girls separately here: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/02/magazine/02sex3-t.html?pagewanted=all&_moc.semityn.www
We see young black girls with super tight clothing pushing & pressing sexual flesh into the public eye & there is no moral outrage over the lack of respect and friendship towards Black boys is there? Where is the outrage over how society allows & even encourages young girls to dress & act like adult women & then flashes righteous indignation when young men look & interact with those young women inappropriately?
So, before we get to shaming young Black men into showing respect and friendships toward Black girls why don't we take some time to address why so many Black women fail to stand up for their brothers, sons and husbands. If Black women can challenge Black men to protect Black women and girls, then why is it wrong to challenge Black women to protect Black men and boys?
As a teacher I can tell you that is in on way shape or form "common".