"I can't tell you absolutely what someone else is going to consider inappropriate or not."
-Anthony Weiner
Dear Emily Post,
My wife and I are having a disagreement about social media. She feels that it is inappropriate when I send photographs of my penis to women I have never met in person. I have explained that, since I do not actually know the women in question, it can't possibly offend them. Besides, I have a really amazing penis. I mean, it is rock hard. Any woman would be thrilled to get a picture of this baby.
What are your thoughts?
Carlos Danger, Manhattan
Dear Carlos,
Although some may consider me old-fashioned, I am inclined to agree with your wife. It is always inappropriate to send images of your penis to women with whom you have no relationship.
Emily Post
Dear Emily Post,
I am extremely disappointed in your response to my earlier letter. You did not address the nuance at all. True, while it is probably inappropriate for most people to send out images of their willies, you have failed to adequately consider the fact that this is no ordinary penis. I am herewith attaching a photo of my penile member for your consideration.
Carlos D.
Dear Carlos,
Really, I don't think that the quality of your penis factors into the equation. It is always inappropriate for a married man to send sexual images to women other than his wife.
Also, I could not open the attachment. Please re-send as a .jpeg file.
Emily Post
Dear Emily Post,
I am re-sending the dick pic, herewith attached. Also, I forgot to mention that I am running for public office. My campaign manager feels that I should be honest with the public. However, what could be more honest than sending out photographs of my member? I told everyone I would probably do it, and then I did. Is it my fault "the public" didn't listen? Why should I have to suffer for their mistake?
I am so glad that I have you to turn to as an arbiter of taste and decorum. It's so confusing to know what people want. First, they say they want honesty and openness. Then, they say they don't want to see pictures of my penis. They say they want me to respect women. But what could me more respectful than a "below-the-belt salute"? How can anyone possibly be expected to navigate such an arbitrary and confusing landscape of so-called "decency"?
Carlito
Dear Carlos,
Upon reviewing your supporting files and listening to your arguments, I am forced to admit that your rants are a huge turn-on. I have, therefore, changed my mind. This image should, in fact, be used as your campaign poster.
And than you so much for giving the public the opportunity to vote for such a huge dick.
Emily Post