Divorce lawyers hear it all. We hear tragic stories, engaging stories, and just about every other type of story.
We also learn of the dime-a-dozen, intimidating remarks that the other spouse says to our clients. These timeless and overused comments are universal and are repeated daily in law offices everywhere. To the lawyers, these statements are meaningless. However, to the client who hears them for the first time, they are devastating.
As far as we know, Paul Staley, a San Diego divorce lawyer, was the first to go online with his list of these worn-out comments. Our Chicagoland clients reside some 2,000 miles from San Diego, but they report that their soon-to-be exes say the very same things to them, and mostly word-for-word.
These spousal remarks seem to boil down to one concept, an attempt on the part of the speaker to control the other partner and/or to control the direction and outcome of the divorce. Here is a sampling of some of the more famous of these utterances:
"I'll quit my job and then what'll you get?" This is the premier, all-time classic. It is nothing to worry about; if one out of a million quits his/her job, that's a lot.
"You can leave, but the kids stay here." Or, "I can fix it so you'll never see the kids again." These are the ramblings of an upset, immature bully. Comments like these are familiar tunes that are used in more divorces than you can possibly imagine.
"I don't mind paying child support, but I want proof that you are spending it all on the kids." This time-honored mouthful ranks right up there with the classics. Don't give it a second thought.
"I'll give the lawyers every last cent before I'll agree to that." This is the same person that shops for cheapest lawyer in town and then tries to weasel out of paying his/her bill in full.
"Your lawyer is an idiot; he's just running up the bill." Or, "It simply doesn't make sense for us to be paying two lawyers." Talk about a control freak. He/she resents not being able to run things and believes they can regain control by driving a wedge between their partner and their partner's attorney.
"Surely overtime doesn't apply to how much I pay in child support, does it? I'll simply quit working overtime if it does." This one is timeless and is probably the second most worn-out remark in divorce. They usually try to get more overtime once the divorce is finalized.
"The pension is all mine, I worked for it." This person probably went to a different law school than we did. The law is bigger than his/her legal opinion.
"The judge can't make me pay you that much. Business stinks and the company is talking about cut-backs. I'll be lucky if I have a job next year." Every divorce lawyer will tell you that the year of the divorce is always the year that sales are down, hours have to be cut, over-time and bonuses are being discontinued, etc. For some odd reason, things always seem to pick up in the year after the divorce.
"You mess with me, and I'm going for full custody." Tell him to go for it. When his lawyer asks him for $25,000 to fund a custody battle, you'll see how much he means it. Talk is cheap and so are the people that say these things. Control freaks always try to use the children as leverage.
We plan to print this blog post and keep it on-hand to show to our affected clients in the hopes of illustrating the unoriginality of their partner's threats, and of minimizing their impact.
J. Richard Kulerski and Kari L. Cornelison are partners in the Chicago area, Oak Brook, IL divorce law firm of Kulerski & Cornelison. You may find them at www.civilizeddivorce.com and at their firm's blog dupagedivorcelawyerblog.com.
Richard is the author of The Secret to a Friendly Divorce: Your Personal Guide to a Cooperative, Out-of-Court Settlement.
Attorney Paul Staley may be reached at 877-261-2217, or email pstaley@paulstaley.com. Paul's website is www.sandiegofamilylawyer.com.
Follow J. Richard Kulerski and Kari L. Cornelison on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Chicago_Divorce
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.