At 12:15 every Thursday for the next 10 weeks, students will throw a party. Not the drunken orgies of Animal House. These students will decorate a tired classroom in a rainy city with all sorts of color. They'll cook everything from fried donuts to lentil stew to three-cornered cookies. They'll hide matzah, ceremoniously light candles, fill the room with tents that have harvest fruit hanging in them, and take naps.
They won't butcher a lamb -- but they will butcher the Hebrew language. These are goyim, Protestant, Catholic and agnostic students who are taking a required Introduction to Bible class at Seattle Pacific University. There'll be plenty of book learning: Jews and Christians are, after all, people of the Book.
But this week, after we memorize key dates, make a topographical map of Palestine with paper mache and cheap paints, and talk about the difference between the Jewish, Catholic and Protestant Bibles, we'll settle down for our first party of the year: Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. I know my calendar is out of whack -- we should celebrate Rosh Hashanah in September -- but we have 10 weeks to learn the whole Bible, so we can't be picky (or even correct).
There'll be plenty of partying after that, too, because the Jewish faith teaches through food and dance and, God forbid, even drinking. On Jan. 17, Passover, my students will eat bitter herbs to remind us of slavery in Egypt. On Purim, we'll eat Hamentaschen, three cornered cookies to remind us of the hat a very evil Haman wore during the days of Esther. On Hanukkah, we'll eat homemade donuts to remind us of the miraculous oil that kept the menorah lit after the Maccabees restored the temple. On our meager but meaningful Sabbath, which stretches from 12:15 till 12:50 on a Thursday afternoon, my students will eat a hearty lentil stew, or something like it, then nestle into pillows on the floor and nap for a few minutes to remind them that rest, Sabbath rest, is good for the soul.
On Rosh Hashanah (our nine-months-too-soon, Thursday afternoon, chronologically incorrect Rosh Hashanah, that is), we'll eat apples dipped in honey, not so much to remind us of anything as to look ahead with hope to a sweet new year. God knows, we need this hope.
Then one of the students will sound a faux shofar -- maybe a plastic horn or a trumpet or a bull's horn I keep in my office -- to call the class to repentance. God knows, we need this, too.
Finally, we'll walk to a canal that borders our campus, recall a sin or two, and throw a rock into the water to remind us that God throws our sins into the depths of the sea, where they can't be found. For a few moments, at least, at the start of the year, we'll live sinlessly and silently together.
No doubt in the next few hours and days someone will ask you, "What are your plans for the new year?" Why not actually have some -- meaningful plans? Not an ill-fated resolution or some vague sense of becoming a better person. Why not tell them, instead, "Yes. Yes, I have a plan."
Let that plan for your new year start simply. Slice a few apples and arrange them around a big bowl of honey -- and eat to a sweet new year. Get out some old musical instrument from the attic or basement that can produce a godawful squawk -- and reflect upon your shortcomings, what people of faith call sin. And find a body of water somewhere. If you're landlocked, fill the bathtub or kitchen sink. Even a toilet will do for a body of water. In fact, a toilet may be best because, after all, you're reflecting on the crap you've produced in 2012, tossing a symbolic bit of it in and flushing it away. Good riddance.
Then, as the swirling winds down -- the sweet sound of forgiveness -- wish each other l'shanah tovah. Happy new year.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.