Just in case you missed the news last night, here's a quick snapshot of last night:
McCain wins in New Hampshire, shows off biggest grimace of the election season. For some reason, decides to make speech about "issues." Crowd starts chanting "USA! USA!" because they need John to know that in a national election, they're voting American.
Obama says "thank you" so many times that it loses all meaning. Lots of white college students think they're rebelling against their parents by standing behind him. Continues to highlight his amazing ability to speak for four minutes using only the words "change" and "hope," effectively saying nothing but, "I am made of fluffy marshmallows and your dreams."
Romney hits #2, confuses election with Olympics. Silently vows that if he comes in second one more time in a key state, he will lead his enormous family in an armed uprising against these United States.
Clinton wins in New Hampshire. Eyes beg that young people stop voting for Obama. Bill looks really uncomfortable being hugged by his wife on stage, and she seems to like that. ABC executives believe Wife Swap would do better if they made a White House edition. Hillary thinks of crying again, but her eyes can't handle two bouts of forced tears in one week.
Edwards forgets that the "48 states left to go" line doesn't work quite as well when began with, "Well, we've lost two..." Complains of the voices in America drowned out by the tyranny of Iowa and New Hampshire.
Since evolution doesn't exist, Huckabee believes he has already won, and is getting set to put a Subway in the White House. He was, understandably, not available for comment.
Paul insists that his placement in the polls is fantastic. Believes strongly that he'd be doing better if more young people read Ayn Rand. Only candidate with the guts to sport a vest, even if it does remind us all that he looks like Mr. Rogers.
Richardson is thrilled at the prospect of being somebody's vice president. It really doesn't matter whose, but he matches the worst with Edwards. Hair's too similar.