The Top Six Reasons Sarcasmo the Talking Toaster Wants to Buy a Kindle

The Kindle is Amazon's amazing new ebook reader. Our technology correspondent, Sarcasmo the Talking Toaster, is just dying to get one in his hands. He sent in his reasons from one of your kitchens!

6. Convenience.

Sarcasmo is amazed at how light and small Amazon's device is. Sarcasmo may be wrong on this though, as most of Sarcasmo's books are 10 feet tall, in the shape of five pointed stars, and covered in satanic verse, which happens to attract attention. Yes, Sarcasmo is a satanist. Do you have an issue with that?

5. Ability to carry many books.

Even though Sarcasmo takes between two and four weeks to finish a book, Sarcasmo would like to believe that Sarcasmo may at some point be reading anywhere between 30 and 40 books throughout the day. If you are able to read between 30 and 40 books throughout the day, Sarcasmo would like to know if you'd be willing to be sacrificed to his dark lord at the next new moon?

4. "Paper-like display."

Sarcasmo is, unfortunately, allergic to paper. If he comes too close to it, it catches on fire. Sarcasmo's own books must all be laminated for both their and his protection. Sarcasmo has, however, always been jealous of people who can touch paper. Sarcasmo has sacrificed the still beating hearts of many people so that his dark god may allow him to be a paper toucher, but it seems he has simply not yet found the right heart. Until he finds it, Sarcasmo will content himself with the Kindle's surprisingly paper-like display.

3. Internet connectivity.

The Kindle will be able to connect online and allow Sarcasmo to view the many blogs he reads every day to get news of Satan's war against God. Sarcasmo thinks it's amazing that with nothing but a simple wireless signal, you can interact so quickly with Satan's worshippers the world over. Sarcasmo believes that this wireless technology could do wonders for the world. Sarcasmo has a question for you. Can you imagine being able to connect wirelessly with your computer or phone? Because now, Sarcasmo can.

2. Price!

With the new Kindle, Sarcasmo will be able pay as little as five dollars for a book. And once Sarcasmo has saved up the 400 dollars and purchased all the books he already owns so he can read them on his Kindle, he can see no end to how much he'll save!

And the Number One reason Sarcasmo the Talking Toaster wants to buy a Kindle...

Sarcasmo is a retarded, satanic toaster.

Comments

[phunkeey]

Want to view a word file you already own? Great email it to Amazon and "for a small fee" they'll upload it to your kindle. Huh?

What about a pdf? Sorry. Kindle can't read pdf's.

Some of the features sound useful, but if I can't read the pdf documents I own on a READER, then I'll let someone else be a $400 beta tester. I could buy a laptop for that much.

[Hattie]

I love my Sony Reader. All I read is uncopyrighted stuff from Gutenberg. This should last me a lifetime.

[darker]

Another stupid, mindless electronic TOY!
Of no practical or AESTHETIC VALUE for a human reader.

Reading a book is an aesthetic experience and a physical relationship with the tome.

Books --how they look and feel-- are WORKS OF ART.
Only profit-sniffing DIGITAL MORONS don't "get it".

[totalliberal]

I would love to read books transmitted online without the glare of LCD.


And spare a few million trees.

O-tay?

[DMSmith]

It all sounds so good...'till you SEE one.

This thing is truly U G L Y ! ! !

[LegalCat]

And hey, those dumb so-called "cell phones"? Those will NEVER catch on. Just a fad. It's ridiculous: if you want to make a phone call, go to a phone booth. What's so hard about that?

Don't even get me started on those dumb "compact disks." Who needs 'em? They go round and round and play music, so do LP's, why fix something that ain't broke?

I think the Kindle is pretty damn cool, actually. Is there actually a problem with the idea that a book is, in essence, information? Any good reason to print the information on two hundred pieces of paper, and pay some guy with a truck to carry them from where they're printed to your local bookstore, other than the fact that it was good enough for your granddaddy?

[SCharb]

Top three reasons Sarcasmo liked this article:

3. Sarcasmo finds third person narrative to be hilarious. Sarcasmo laughed and laughed, because Sarcasmo is easily entertained.

2. Sarcasmo found the article to be helpful and informative. The author knew a lot about the Kindle. Sarcasmo didn't get the impression that the author didn't do any research.

1. Sarcasmo is a cynic who takes joy in his weak attempts to shoot down hyperbole.