Although little in this world surprises me any longer, I recently ran across something that had me thinking. Ladies, prepare yourselves because there is totally an invisible boyfriend now available. That's right, a boyfriend that doesn't really exist.
By the way, if you get an invisible boyfriend while you're married, is it cheating?
I was just asking for a friend.
No, not really, I was totally asking for myself because INVISIBLE BOYFRIEND, Y'ALL.
(OK, let's get this straight. I have a husband. I don't want a boyfriend. Or, an ex-husband. Hi, honey. It's a good thing he doesn't really read my stuff, right? However, if he did, he totally wouldn't be surprised by this post.)
Anyway, I was thinking how helpful an invisible boyfriend would be because he could send me lovely, encouraging text messages during the day like, "How are you today? I was thinking of you!" without it immediately being followed by, "Did you scoop the dog poop in the backyard yet?"
If you're longing for those kind of messages (and you didn't even know your life was incomplete until now), this is where Invisible Boyfriend comes in (because it's totally a real invisible thing).
According to their website, "Invisible Boyfriend gives you real-world and social proof that you're in a relationship -- even if you're not -- so you can get back to living life on your own terms."
I seriously have no idea what the hell that means, but it equates to some real faux person text messaging me 100 times! (You can also get 10 voicemails and one handwritten note, but I don't even care about that old-school sh*t.)
So, I was thinking about it and I have some ideas for texts from my Invisible Boyfriend (because control, yo). Here's how the texts from my invisible boyfriend should go:
- Good morning, love! Don't worry about showering again today! You look fabulous as you are!
I cleaned all that trash out of the car we share. Do not even worry about it! It doesn't bother me AT ALL! HUGS! Yoga pants all week? SO HOT!!! Honey, I LOVE your hair in a pony! DO NOT change it. No matter what! I hid some cookies in our bedroom closet so you don't have to share with ANYONE! ENJOY the quiet time! I know that you're so busy during the day with homeschool and work so I'm sending a cleaning crew over for the house. Don't stress! I know fast food is a time-saver. It's FIIIINE! I'm sending over a limo to take you on a weekend away -- alone! Enjoy some peace, quiet and R&R! YOU DESERVE IT!!!I don't really consider this cheating. I mean, he is invisible after all...
So, what messages would your Invisible Significant Other send to you?
Check out more from Jacqueline on PrimeParentsClub.com. You can also follow her on Instagram & Twitter as @WritRam. Pick up her humor book 50 Shades of Frayed: What Happens When 'I Do' Becomes 'Not Tonight' on Amazon.
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