THE BLOG

The 5 Dads of Elementary School

02/05/2015 05:18 pm ET | Updated Apr 07, 2015
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If you didn't see Part I of this post, click here to read it first.

Dads, don't think you got off easy. Just as I paid attention to all the moms, I was watching you guys, too. That's how the half group, the subdivision, was born: we were all watching you. Sure, some of us look to see if you're cute, while others look to make sure you are indeed the dad -- so they can go home to their spouse and complain how he never helps out.

Well, after much observation, I am prepared to offer you the second installment of the list: the 5 Dads of Elementary School.

1. Suit, Tie, Sunglasses Guy Dad. He also has slicked back hair, in addition to his suit and sunglasses, and walks in a hurried pace. He doesn't seem to care that his kid(s) are there, and they don't really seem to mind. A brief wave good-bye at the door, and his long stride takes him back to his car, and off to his job, which is obviously something super, super important. Some moms have dubbed these dads as the Christian Greys of the school

2. Eyes on The Floor Dad. Is he looking for his lost contact lens? Pulled a muscle in his neck? In a sex addiction recovery program, and can't look at women? Poor guy is probably just really aware of all the soccer moms (or hockey moms for the Canadians and East Coasters reading this) staring at him.

3. I Still Got it Dad. The complete opposite of number two above, this dad loves the attention he gets from all the moms, and soaks it up like a reality show star in a tanning bed. That's a lot, in case you haven't watched Snooki or Dancing With the Stars. He feeds his ego on the laughter from his corny jokes, and you can often see him brushing his hair back with his fingers, to smooth out his tresses. ***What you didn't notice: the strands stuck in his fingers, and the look on his face when he saw them and realized that he's probably going bald.

4. Wait, (S)He Has a Dad Dad. This is the guy that needs to check in at the office because no one recognizes him, and they need to make sure he's actually the dad before allowing him on campus. Most of the moms turn to look, since they sense fresh meat and are curious if there's a new student, but relax once they realize that he is, in fact, the dad.

5. Super-Cool Dad. Smiling all the way in, this dad is calm, collected, and the star of the show. His kids love that he's around, the teachers chat him up when they see him, and all the other dads gravitate towards him. He wears trendy clothes, and his stubble is just right. He's the modern-day Fonz!

So, which one do you/your kid's dad identify with? Let me know in the comments!
To read more funny parenting $h*t, including where this post was first published, click here to visit MrsMuffinTop.