Note: Do not read on if you have not seen Season 3, Episode 8 of ABC Family's "Pretty Little Liars," entitled "The Kahn Game."
Aria, clad in a skeletal tank top, is at The Brew with Spencer, who looks like she's in serious need of a cup of coffee. Skeletaria tells Spence that she found a photo on MASSugar.com of Maya with the infamous stamp on her wrist -- the one that Holden had and that Emily saw on The Night That Shan't Be Remembered on the wrist of the person who brought her to the diner.
But a depressed Spencer isn't interested or amused because five days ago, she tells Skeletaria, "I literally forgot to apply to college." Skeletaria assures her that it was only the early admissions deadline -- she can still get into her dream school (the Ivy League University of Pennsylvania). But Spencer isn't buying it -- and she's tired of being Velma or Daphne or some other female member of the Scooby-Doo gang.
Enter Cece, who walks up to the girls with Skeletaria's phone that she left at the coffee counter. She sees Spencer's U Penn app sitting on the table and informs the Skeletaria and Spencer that she went to U Penn and after picking her jaw up off the floor, Spencer asks Cece for help.
She knows a guy named Steven who apparently works in admissions and there's a party she knows of tonight that he'll be at. Though it's not really her "scene," Cece agrees to take Spencer and her lost puppy eyes to the collegiate soiree. Unfortunately, Skeletaria can't come -- she has to talk to Ezra after school about that whole mom-bribing-her-to-leave-him thing.
Over at the Marin household, Ashley is talking to a police officer, who tells her that they've gotten the judge's permission to get a blood sample from Hanna and she has five days to comply. While Hanna's busy looking for her hairbrush, Ashley puts in a call to Spencer's mom at her law firm. Maybe Mariska knows where the brush is?
Over at Rosewood High, Hanna -- whose hair is looking quite perfect, despite the grooming issues and whose dress is quite the slutty Versace knockoff -- is looking longingly at Caleb down the hall.
As she walks to her locker, Caleb follows and asks if she's seen Spencer. She hasn't so he gives her a piece of paper to give to Spencer -- it's the new login for MASSugar.com. She asks how his mom is doing ("better") and he asks how Hanna's doing ("fine") and then they exchange awkward glances until the bell rings. This may be the first time in "Pretty Little Liars" that the bell signals students to get to class.
Then, Hanna gets a text:
"The Apple Rose Grille at closing time. Go alone or Caleb pays -A"
Hanna tells Spencer that she thinks it's because she helped Mona stay at Radley and A wasn't happy about that. Whatever the purpose, Spencer insists she doesn't go and Hanna promises she won't, which obviously means she's just going to "go alone," as the text indicates.
Nearby, Paige and Emily -- whose lesbian wardrobe just got kicked up a notch with her flannel -- are on cloud nine, smiling and giggling as couples do in the early days. Spencer and Hanna don't want to tell Em about Maya's site so they have an uncomfortable, un-substantive exchange filled with crooked smiles until Paige and Emily (Paigily? Emaige?) move along.
Skeletaria isn't at school -- she's outside Ezra's door listening to him fight with someone. Suddenly, the door opens and Ezra's mini-me storm out. Turns out it's Wesley, Ezra's brother, and he wants him o-u-t out. So he goes and a confused Aria, who's never heard of "Wes" (a.k.a. Mason from "Wizards of Waverly Place"), asks what "offer" Wes was talking about.
Aria confesses to Ezra about his mother trying to pay her off and Ezra confesses that Wes is paying him a visit to help him buy the car Ezra sold. ... you know, the one that was the alleged reason for the huge bag of cash in his sock drawer. Anyway, technically, the car wasn't Ezra's to sell. Though the car was intended for Ezra, when he disowned his inheritance, everything went to Wes. Wes OK'd him selling the car, but when Mother Fitzgerald found out, she said it was a family heirloom. Now, he has to buy the car back -- and the guy wants double.
And with that, he has to go meet someone about the car and he's off, leaving a not so happy Skeletaria with a forehead kiss and an empty apartment.
Outside Rosewood High, Hanna is ignoring a call from Wren when Emily stops her and insists she tell her what's going on. Hanna confesses they got into Maya's website and tells her what they found. Emily's doesn't like that they kept it from her, but Hanna explains their intentions. "Come on, Em --at least one of us deserves to be happy," she says. Emily knows they were trying to protect her, but that's not up to them and she "doesn't appreciate being lied to."
Hanna gives Emily the login info and offers to look at it with her, but Emily wants to do it on her own.
After an exhausted day at school -- I mean, Ezra's -- Aria, who is now in a very pretty green dress, is at Spencer's, lying on her bed "despondently." She's worried about why Ezra left so hastingsily (I know. I'm sorry.) but Spencer is worried about what she's going to wear to the UPenn party that Aria can now go to. Aria vetoes Spencer's "most collegiate looking blazers." (Sidebar: Did this not remind you of Cher Horowitz in "Clueless" looking for her collar-less shirt from Fred Segal for her driving test because it's her "most capable looking outfit.") She instead chooses a pencil skirt and top, which, if you ask me, is not so party-ready either. They wonder why Ali didn't "dangle [Cece] in front of [them] like a pair of diamond earrings," but they don't linger on the throat to long. (Hint: That girl is bad news.)
As they pull up to the party with Cece, Aria realizes she's been there before: It's Noel Kahn's cabin. Turns out Cece knew Noel's big brother Eric (presumably in the biblical sense) and after the WASPy bouncer approves them -- they get stamped at the gate and ... it's the stamp that Emily saw at the diner, Holden had and Maya was pictured with.
Once inside, Spencer and Aria try to figure out what Maya could have been doing at a Kahn brother's college party, but Cece takes Spencer's application and brings them to meet Steven in the game room.
The trio runs into Eric Kahn, who is clearly creepier than Noel (i.e. he tells Cece that he likes the "virgin sacrifice" she brought in earshot of Aria and Spencer) and confirms Cece's earlier question: Yes, "douchebaggery" runs in the family. The girls won't take a drink (presumably because the same substance that made Emily and Paige cracked out could be inside) and Cece says she doesn't see Steven yet. There's no way this guy is real.
With a tall beverage in hand, Cece challenges Eric to a round of Truth (sans Dare).
Meanwhile, Hanna is waiting to go the Grille with Aria (a.k.a. A), but Ashley wants to cook, which means something's wrong in the Marin house. Ashley confesses about the court order and tells Hanna that everything will be fine -- Mariska is on the case.
With that reassuring information, Hanna leaves and Ashley's left looking at a big chunk of pram ... so she calls Ted to come over.
Back at the Kahn Kabin, Noel arrives at the party with Jenna on his arm. The formerly cute couple, Noel and Aria, challenge each other to a game of Truth after Cece and Eric's standard game (sex tapes, arrests, etc.).
While Hanna's pacing outside the Grille, Caleb rolls up and Hanna tells him he has to leave. But then, Caleb tells her, "I sent the text. I'm A." OK, that was an obviously misleading preview moment from last week's episode. Caleb is not really A -- he's the A that sent that one text, solely to prove that there's another A since Hanna wouldn't tell him.
They pull into a picturesque dark alley and Caleb says that they can be together now and she can stop lying. But Hanna says it's not that easy -- she tells him this A stole Ali's body, might have killed Maya and hurt Caleb's mom.
During Round 2 of Truth -- Noel vs. Aria -- Noel wants Aria to come clean about her relationship with Ezra, while she's focused on his relationships with Maya. He reveals Maya had an open invite to the Kahn Kabin party. When Aria asks where he was the night Ali's body was dug up and Eric reveals that Noel and Jenna showed up, but left.
Aria storms out after the barrage of Ezra questions and doesn't want to go back inside, but Spencer wants to play Truth with Jenna so she heads back inside with Cece.
Aria calls Ezra's cell and Wes picks up. He tells her that Ezra's detained because he had to go meet the guy who bought the Jag. Aria asks Wes to tell Ezra to pick her up and gives him the address.
Emily's looking at Maya's website -- tears roll down her cheeks as she watches video of Maya reading poems and talking about how much she loves Emily.
Back at the Kahn Kabin, Jenna throws the first punch asking about Garrett, her mom and sister and Spencer calls her out for lying about the night Ali's grave was dug up. She didn't tell them she was with Noel and she said she found Emily in the middle of the road, but her trusty Kahn-man revealed they found her in "some diner."
Jenna says she was trying to protect someone and then turns the tables, asking Spencer where the video is. She says she will give them to her when Jenna tells her where Ali's body is and then of course, time's up.
Outside, Ezra's car pulls up for Aria, but it's Wes at the wheel.
Caleb says he's down to investigate who A is through Maya's website, but Hanna doesn't want to head down that road with him. He says he's not asking for her permission and then kisses her and all is right with the world: Haleb is back on.
Back at the Kahn Kabin, Spencer finds Cece, who's clearly just hooked up with Eric, and is pissed that Steven still hasn't arrived. Cece says he showed up for two minutes, she gave him the app and bragged about Spencer's smarts. Since they both got what they came for, they decide to head out.
During dinner with Ted, Ashley gets a call from Detective Wilden and then that dominos to one with Mariska and who knows who else. She apologizes to Ted for ruining the evening and they talk about judgment -- as pastors do -- and then, they kiss -- as I guess pastors do too.
In Ezra's car without Ezra, Wes tries to right his wrong introduction with Aria and apologizes for his "dysfunctional" family. Aria goes off on how they are "throwing money around" and Wes takes this as a cue. "So he told you about Maggie," he says and then goes into a story none of us -- Aria included -- have heard before. In high school, Ezra got aforementioned Maggie pregnant and Mama Fitzgerald paid her to "take care of it." I assume this means she got an abortion, but no one says the taboo word in the entire episode.
Back in Emily's bedroom, Paige consoles a tearful Emily with a heartfelt story about her late grandfather. It makes Emily laugh and reveals that she understands why the videos moved Em to tears. Then she sits next to her and rubs her shoulder. It's hard to believe this is girl with the bob and bangs that tried to ruin Emily's swimming career -- she really has come a long way.
Aria arrives at Ezra's right as he's walking in the door. She tells him she knows about Maggie and she looks truly hurt and angry. She demands he tell her the truth and he does, just before she walks out the door. Ezra says it happened right after graduation and they were both scared so they thought Mama Fitzgerald could help. But she wound up paying Maggie to "take care of it" and never speak to Ezra again. That's why he left for school and renamed himself Ezra Fitz. He begs Aria to come inside and gives a shifty look as he follows behind her.
Now at home, Spencer's email alert sounds and she's received an email that UPenn has received her application. A) Admissions offices are not open at night and B) Cece is definitely not who she says she is.
As the credits role, we see those infamous gloved hands in an office filled with cat paraphernalia -- pictures, chotchkies, a real one -- renting a room: Unit A. This is the second week in a row that the A credit scenes hasn't given me chills -- and I'm about as happy about it as Spencer was at the start of this episode.
Quotes of the Night
"Which, by the way, I got a 'B' on. A 'B.'" -Spencer
"I'm dropping my Velma act. From now on, I'm Daphne." -Spencer
"I think you're confused which Scooby-Doo character would have gotten into an Ivy League." -Aria
"What's at the Grille?" -Spencer
"I don't know -- A's takeout?" -Hanna
"The universe is a finicky little bastard." -Spencer
"I'm lying her despondently, Spence." -Aria
"Can you just sit despondently? I need the bed." -Spencer
"No, lying is more despondent." -Aria
"My nana once offered me $200 dollars to shave my father's sideburns in his sleep because apparently they were an affront to his upbringing. And he still has a scar like really close to his ear." -Aria
"Wait. You actually did it?" -Spencer
"I was 10 -- that was like a million dollars back then ... I'd do it again." -Spencer
"We're talking 70-year-old man-butt, full-frame and there was a tattoo ... it was a tulip." -Paige