Note: Do not read on if you have not seen Season 3, Episode 3 of ABC Family's "Pretty Little Liars," entitled "Kingdom of the Blind."
When we last left the Little Liars in the bathroom (their new favorite hangout besides the nameless hip Season 3 coffee shop), they decided to use the fact that Jenna can see against her because they can and they will, as Spencer said.
So when the Liars reconvene in the courtyard this week, they are giving Jenna many an evil eye. They nominate Aria to try to figure out what is exactly is up with Jenna since she trusts her, a notion presumably ascertained by the fact that Flutist Jenna wants Aria to duet with her. Perhaps it's just because she has a musical name? But Aria begrudgingly takes on the liars position of Jenna Correspondent after Hanna over to trade for Mon-A Duty -- Aria wisely passes.
Plus, after Hanna suggests they "push a table in front of her and see what happens," it's clear the A Swap Team would not have gone well.
Back in the halls of Rosewood High, some sort of authority figure is yelling at Lucas about his "permanent record" (which is really only a phrase I've heard uttered on teen TV shows and/or movies) and Lucas storms off with a paper. Hanna follows him into an empty classroom -- because no one ever goes to class in Rosewood -- and we find out that the aforementioned authority figure is Vice Principal Hackett and he's mad at Lucas for losing "his positive attitude," which is having "a negative effect" on his grades.
So what does Lucas do? Why he sets the paper that holds this information ablaze and tosses in the trash, of course. Hanna tries to put the fire out with a book, which is, mind you, also made of paper, and Caleb enters with an environmentally friendly water bottle to save the day.
Cue theme song.
Suddenly, it's nighttime. Hanna and Caleb are discussing the sad state of Lucas at the nameless hip Season 3 coffee shop. Caleb -- who apparently doesn't live with Lucas' family anymore, but does not state where he lives (back in the library)-- agrees to talk to Lucas about his newfound inability to bathe and pension for wearing clothes five sizes too big.
But he tells Hanna that there's someone he doesn't want her talking to or seeing anymore: Mon-A. She doesn't owe her anything and she shouldn't go to Radley anymore. Hanna's "your sweet" reply doesn't sound very reassuring.
The next day at schoool, Aria agrees to play with a very orange, very skinny, very tall (and very un-blind) Jenna. As the two walk down, arm-in-arm (because she's "blind," not because they're "friends"), Aria says she has stage fright, but must face it. Jenna agrees, saying, "You look it in the eye."
The girls discuss Jenna's odd sight reference over a very healthy and plush looking lunch of fruits and vegetables. Emily sees on her phone that her grade has been posted for her make-up test. You know, the one during which she remember that it was a Seeing Jenna who drove her around before she wound up at Ali's grave -- and the one Aria's mom fudged to boost her grade, unbeknownst to Emily? Emily thinks her grade -- a 94 -- is impossible for someone who didn't finish the test. But who boosted her grade?
In an abandoned science lab, Lucas is looking through a microscope when Caleb walks in and confronts him. What's up the pyromania, man? Lucas wants Caleb to mind his own business and says Mon-A being "A" is only "the tip of the iceberg." Then there is a very long iceberg metaphor and we realize that Lucas must be a huge "Titanic" fan.
Emily confronts Ella about the test and thinks someone tampered with it before she graded it. But Ella not so subtly makes it clear that she tampered with it while grading it.
Back at the Parentless Hastings House, a non-pregnant Melissa is wearing a pale blue polo and sweeping the ashes from the chimney. Spencer comes home and the two care barely have a conversation before Mariska comes home. She needs to talk to them and she finally reveals that she'll be representing Garrett Reynolds ... and she's doing it pro-bono.
Though Spencer knew the truth, she plays the shock card well and Spencer begs Melissa to chime in. Big Hastings assures her that "any interested [she] had in this ended three months ago." Apparently, that's when she became unpregnant because the Hastings women just exchange awkward, serious "Hills"-style glances at each other for the next 10 seconds.
Emily tells Aria that she think her mom fudged her test because she "feels sorry" for her like everyone else. Em's worried A will find out because "A attracts secrets like a mean girl magnet," but says she's way more angry than she is scared at this point. Aria wants to borrow some of her anger.
Over at the Parentless Hastings House, the ladies have stopped looking at each other and Melissa is pouring herself a glass of wine. Spencer is convinced Melissa told Mariska to defend Garrett and Melissa is not happy about the accusation. She says she's "lost everything" and then says the word "everything again" for emphasis, which is probably a reference to her disappearing baby bump.
Spencer says she wanted to see Melissa in the hospital, but Mariska wouldn't let her. Then, Spencer states it: "I'm sorry you lost your baby." Then, Melissa confesses, "I hope she does get him off" (What a wonderful choice of words, hm?) because he's the only man that's ever been honest with her.
A very busy Aria is now in Jenna's bedroom, practicing and channeling her inner Nancy Drew. They take a break and after asking how Emily is, Jenna goes downstairs to get some cookies. (I am really coming around to this girl.) After she exits, Aria sees a Post-It that reads:
The liars convene and Aria tells them about the note and Jenna's inquiry about Emily's state. Aria gets a call from her mom and then Spencer tells them about her Mariska's confession. Hanna implies that maybe it was Garrett's baby that Melissa lost and suddenly, they realize Garrett may have been asking Spencer about Melissa's medical records, not Jenna's. More bad new when Aria reenters: Her mom says she has to meet with the Vice Principal.
Later that night, over at Ezra's apartment, Aria tells him about Ella boosting Emily's grade.
Meanwhile, a rebellious Hanna heads to Radley, where Mon-A is explaining to a group of other patients how to turn the pages of a glossy magazine. She interrupts and Mon-A talks to her about water about 50 times in 30 seconds. This is clearly a new Mon-A, who is also very oily.
She says they've changed her meds, hence her happy disposition, and that her parents (her only other visitors) look at her like they don't know her. Hanna basically tells her to cut the crap and wants to know how she knows what's going on outside of Radley. Mon-A basically gives her some more BS about not being able to "these days ... you can't trust anybody." Then, she asks, "Did they ever find what's left of Alison?"
Ezra runs into Ella at the nameless hip Season 3 coffee shop and they discuss her meeting with Hackett. Apparently, an "anonymous" student (cough cough A cough cough) came forward, accusing Ella of showing favoritism.
On Hanna's way out of Renley, she is shocked to see that Lucas is on his way in ... and that Caleb followed her there. They fight over "the truth" and it comes out that Mon-A is the one who ran Hanna over. Suddenly, they're interrupted by Lucas, who says he's going to see Mon-A "to see if she's really mental ... it's better for a lot of people if Mona stays crazy, right?" And then off into the night he goes.
The next day, at the Parentless Hastings House, Spencer is making some calls and disguising herself as Melissa. The hospital has no record of Melissa being there and there's no way it was another hospital -- the next closest one is three towns over. Next, she dials the Hanover, where Melissa was staying at the time of her miscarriage. She was actually there eating and spa-ing with Mariska three days beyond what Spencer had been told.
Meanwhile, Emily isn't going to let Ella go down. She wants to talk to Hackett with her and just as Ella is telling her no, Hackett and Ezra enter and the vice principal is all smiles. Ezra's confessed to influencing Ella's grading and it's all clear ... you know, except for the fact that now the adults are becoming Pretty Huge F---ing Liars all the way around.
While Emily's awkwardly standing with Aria's lying lover and mother, Aria and Hanna are staking out Jenna's in the four o'clock hour. Still confused about the "earplugs" mention on the Post-It, Hanna laments, "I do not need things to get any weirder." They're hitting some keep topic points: A) Emily is sick of being "Poor Em", B) Hanna should have asked Lucas who the black swan was and C) Hanna couldn't make things worse with Caleb if she tried.
Soon, a cab comes for blind stick-wielding Jenna and Hanna and Aria follow. The cab stops at a doctor's office and Jenna exits. Hanna's pissed the "crummy doctor's appointment" is "a rip," but then, Jenna -- sans stick and sunglasses -- comes cruising around the corner in the retro blue car she threw Emily in. They call Spencer and Emily and tell them, "We're following Jenna." Solid directions. Is that the first or second right?
Mon-A is playing solitaire with (gasp) Caleb at Renley and he warns her, "Do not mess with Hanna," which is the one thing he came there to say. He knows Mon-A is laughing at everyone in her head, but the real joke, he says, is that he gets to walk out of that door. She leans in to tell him he's "a lousy kisser" and then freaks out and starts screaming wildly.
The Liars meet up at H. Cobb Guns and Ammo and when Jenna walks out, Hanna can't take it anymore. She walks right in front of Jenna's car and as she starts to move forward she looks up and sees Hanna standing there. "Wow, Jenna. What a sight for sore eyes," she says smugly (and awesomely).
They corner Jenna in an alley of course and she confesses to gaining her sight back from the first operation. She says she lied as protection -- she's still a target so they can't tell. And they agree because they owe her.
As for that night that Emily was in her back seat, Jenna claims that Emily was just standing in the middle of the road, drunk and crying about Maya. She says she intended to take the wasted Emily home, but she freaked out and jumped out of the car at a red light at about 12/12:30.
When Spencer gets home, Mariska is working on Garrett's case and Spencer comes clean about what she found out about Melissa's miscarriage. Mariska admits she had suspicions, but didn't know Melissa was faking until she got to her that fateful weekend.
So when did Melissa lose the baby? Spencer's going to have to ask Melissa.
Emily confronts Ezra in the nameless hip Season 3 coffee shop about lying and says she doesn't need her teachers to feel sorry for her. So he gives her another test to prove herself.
Back at Radley, we see Mona in bed, singing "In the Eye Abides the Heart " (quite beautifully, I might add ... props to Janelle Parrish) and clutching the Queen of Hearts in her hand.
Then, there's another hand, one covered in black gloves, pouring a vodka on the rocks with a twist next to some teeth, string and letter beads that look awfully familiar. As A goes to put the vodka back in the cooler, we see what can only be Ali's body bag ... on the rocks with a twist.
Best Quotes Of The Night
"Hanna, you have all the subtly of a hand grenade." -Spencer
"Because that's how it works in my family. We keep one-on-one to a minimum." -Spencer
"He used to be sweet ... Now he's a sour patch kid." -Hanna
"You know what, Em? Don't go all Spencer on your grades." -Hanna
"Dude, you tried to set fire to my girlfriend."- Caleb
"Yeah, sorry about that. I was being ground down by a trivial bureaucracy." -Lucas
"Climb out of Spencerworld long enough to see that some people have lost everything." -Melissa
"I wish people would be more specific with their clues." -Hanna
"Yeah, I'll put it in the suggestion box." -Spencer
"You want to know the truth? Well, boom. Here it is. It's like a big bowl of spaghetti that's all tangled. Have you ever untangled spaghetti?" -Hanna
"A gun store? What is she doing at a f... frickin' gun store?" - Spencer
"We're lying to everybody. Everybody lying to us. No mas." -Hanna
"Witnesses can be a bitch." -Hanna
"Melissa wouldn't tell me if my hair was on fire!" -Spencer
"She went up there looking pregnant and you brought her back down not pregnant." -Spencer