The second week of live performances on "The Voice" (Mondays and Tuesdays at 8 p.m. ET on NBC) wasn't exactly riveting, but, as Carson Daly states at the start of the episode, we can count on Cee Lo "arguably one of the best performers in the world" to jazz things up.
And he does, putting stilts, light-up masks and shirtless Egyptians in his team's performances. Also, Purrfect reemerged, happily disproving our theory that she was used to make Cee Lo's wig last week.
Too dark for you? Just wait for Christina Aguilera to tear into Tony Lucca and for Tony Vincent's performance.
Song: "Tonight Tonight" by Smashing Pumpkins
Adam tells officer worker Katrina she needs to find herself in the song. She's excited to sing a song about being in the moment because, "I don't want to be in that cubicle anymore; I want to be on the stage." And on that stage, we both agree that she looks stunning.
Chelsey: "I wish I knew that song. I tend to not enjoy the performances as much when I don't know the song. I wish it didn't have to be that way, but it is."
Jaimie: "Yeah, I agree with you. It's hard to judge."
Christina says her voice immediately captivated her, but she wanted her to rock out a little more with it and there were a few pitchy notes. Cee Lo says it was a commendable effort, but he didn't think that song was meant to performed. But Adam says he's "really happy with it" and that she "killed it."
Team: Cee Lo
Song: "Don't Leave Me This Way" by Thelma Houston
Hawaiian native Cheesa really decided to channel her coadge, Cee Lo, with her performance: It had a disco theme and rainbow colors abound, including Cheesa's neon purple and pink pant suit. Yes, this 21-year-old wore a pant suit.
But that wasn't all. She also had some of the sparkliest eye make-up we have ever seen.
Jaimie: "She has a little sumthin' sumthin' under her eye."
Chelsey: "She looks like she has sparkly conjunctivitis."
Clearly, both Cheesa's appearance and the disco party going on around her were a major distraction, but once we found ourselves actually listening to her, we were impressed.
Jaimie: "I just realized she sounds good. I wasn't even listening because there was too much."
Chelsey: "Yeah, that's why I don't know why they do these distracting theatrics so early on when we don't even know each voice that well yet. We've only heard each of them sing twice."
Blake seems to be a huge fan of this performance, while Adam says it was good (and of course, has Cee Lo's name all over it) but doesn't find anything spectacular about it. Nonetheless, Coadge Cee Lo couldn't be prouder.
Song: "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel
The beloved former Mousketeer's falsetto is not sounding particularly good in rehearsals and Adam basically says, "If you don't suck at this, it will be good." But unfortunately, despite the bongos, he does kind of suck when he gets out on the stage, spending most of the time giving the audience high fives.
Chelsey: "This is just boring. It sounds too close to the original."
Jaimie: "I'm disappointed it's not 'Solsbury Hill.'"
Chelsey: "Nobody touches 'Solsbury Hill.'"
Christina said she finds him to be "very one-dimensional" and wonders where he would grow. She also mentions that she and his "old Mouseketeer buddies" are behind him and "Justin in particular." Timberlake? He watches? He cares? He talks to Christina? Confusion abounds.
After recognizing that Christina is a massive bitch -- i.e. "That was honest" -- Adam says it's one of his favorite songs ever. Of course it is, because as Chelsey notes, "He really has so many favorite songs." Tony worked his way around the falsetto issue, which made Adam proud. "I gave you a huge challenge and you made me feel so good," he says. Adam also loves the way the room felt during the performance.
Song: "Rollin' in the Deep" by Adele
At 50 years old, Kim is one of the older contestants in the competition and she's glad she has a lot of experience. She picks "Rollin' in the Deep" because she can relate to the pain in the song and then, she talks in the third person, the sign of a true competitor: "Kim Yarbrough doesn't go out looking stupid." Then she adds, "I'm gonna sing like it's the last time I draw breath." We're scared, but we like it.
Kim looks beautiful, but we're initially disappointed that A) She chose such a tired song and B) She's one of the many who butchers the, "Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare" line.
Jaimie: "Why does no one know that damn line?"
Chelsey: "RIGHT???? I don't understand. Just Google it! It's SHIP dammit!"
And as she goes on, we realize this isn't the Kim we know and love.
Jaimie: "I also feel like this isn't showcasing her because she sounded SO much better in her audition."
Chelsey: "Agreed. She really doesn't sound too great on this, but she has such an amazing voice."
Chelsey: "She looks pretty though. So there's that."
Blake, who is looking quite spiffy this evening, says she was initially a bit sharp and Cee Lo says it's such a safe, current song and he doesn't know if he loved it, but he loves her. Chelsey notes, "Blake must have read our last recap because his outfit is the ultimate dad suit tonight." (Note: We are not that delusional; it's just a coincidence. Or the truth. Or as former mentor Alanis Morissette would say, "ironic ... dontcha think?")
Anyway, Coadge Adam admits there were some problems, but for the most part, it was fantastic. "This isn't perfect, but nothing ever is," he says, before closing with, "I love you to death."
Team: Cee Lo
"Don't Know Why" by Norah Jones
James has been labeled "The Boston Mechanic with Big Dreams," because his accent wasn't enough of a cliche. The 23-year-old, who reminds us yet again that he really wants to get out of the shawp, decides to show us his sensitive side with this song choice.
While the ladies in the crowd go wild as James strolls down James Lane (NOTE: In case you missed it, the street sign prop actually read "James Lane."), we were slightly less impressed.
Chelsey: "Oh boy. These high notes."
Jaimie: "I think he thinks if he sings it softer it won't sound as bad. Maybe he has a point."
Blake makes some disturbing comment about throwing his panties at James (Gross, Dad!), Christina goes with her classic "pitch problem" criticism, but Coadge Cee Lo is proud to have a blossoming ladies' man on his team. We're not quite seeing it. We just see that headband.
Team: Cee Lo
Song: "Roxanne" by The Police
Juliet, who Jaimie notices looks a bit Ashlee Simpson-y (pre-nose job) in the face, is determined to prove that she's more than a rocker chick. While her performance is great, we're definitely still getting a rock vibe from her, and her apparel isn't doing much to change that.
Jaimie: "She doesn't want to be pigeonholed into being a rocker chick, but she's wearing a lone fringe sleeve."
Chelsey: "Talk about a bad bitch!"
Juliet's performance is the first of the incredibly literal performances of the evening: She is surrounded by red lights as she sings the line, "You don't have to put on the red light." Umm ... We get it!
Cee Lo and the other coadges are beyond impressed with Juliet's performance, and Adam says it's the best he's seen so far. Even Christina, brace yourselves, doesn't have ANY criticisms for Juliet! This is a first.
Also, on an unrelated note, we're pretty sure Adam referred to Blake as "crap jacket," and that was awesome.
Song: "Ordinary People" by John Legend
Adam worries about the 19-year-old nursing student from Dallas getting too melodic because it's a painful song and she needs to get that sentiment across. He also says she's so good, it's like she's from another planet.
In her long green gown, Mathai looks gorgeous. We're even willing to ignore the headpiece. She also sounds gorgeous as she starts off without any musical accompaniment.
Jaimie: "She sounds good and less like she's doing something stupid with her voice."
Chelsey: "Agreed. I really like her."
And just as we were about to commend Adam for keeping the performance simple, photos are Mathai start flashing in the background.
Jaimie: "Umm. These photos of her ..."
Chelsey: "HAHAH. It's a bat mitzvah slide show."
Jaimie: "Where is the 'That's What Friends Are For' circle?"
Christina says she likes her voice a lot, but it was " a little loungey" and she wants her to pick it up. Blake loves her confidence, especially at such a young age. Adam thinks she's magical up there and he "really couldn't possibly be happier" with the moment he just witnessed.
Team: Cee Lo
Song: "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears
Tony Vincent may have just become a dad (literally, a week ago), but don't worry guys, he's still ready to rock! With this guyliner and black nail polish in full force, Tony gives us quite the performance from an oversized pulpit surrounded by masked dancers, which is pretty much exactly what we expected of him.
Chelsey: "What is happening?"
Jaimie: "I don't know."
Chelsey: "I do know that these dancers are horrifying."
The coadges did not seem to be too in love with this Satanic performance. Blake just seems confused and distracted and Christina enjoyed it, but said that he seemed restrained. She also defends Tony's theatrics and says that she knows Blake is "scared of dancers" and Adam is "scared of masks and things."
Jaimie: "Blake is like a one-man Greek chorus."
Chelsey: "These might be some of my favorite X-Tina comments."
Coadge Cee Lo apologizes to Tony for restraining him in anyway, and then mutters something in Cee Lo language about an evil empire and love conquering hate and so on.
Song: "Airplanes" by B.o.B.
After two performances, we still feel like we have no idea who Karla is. But Carson Daly informs us she's a 20-year-old singer from Nashville who used to sing a coffee shops. So that distinguishes her.
She needs to take a chance and prove she can do more than country so she goes with the B.o.B. song. "It's a big risk," she says, but one she knows she has to take. She also has to let Bertha (her inner big-voiced lady) out.
But sadly, she doesn't. In fact, it's difficult to hear Karla -- that or we're distracted by the Karla Davis-emblazoned airplane wing she's standing on. Seriously, either "The Voice" producers or the coadges think we're idiots. We understand what an airplane is, people.
Chelsey: "She is rapping. Why is this happening?"
Jaimie: "It sounds like City High."
Chelsey: "I can't understand a word she's saying. Bertha did not make it to this performance."
Christina says she was definitely surprised, but she did a good job. Blake thinks the song didn't allow her to showcase her talents because the song is so "wordy" and such a "rapid-fire lyric."
Chelsey's response to Blake's comment? "I think that's what the kids are calling 'rap,' Blake."
Adam says there was breathiness and nerves, but that she did a "fantastic" job. He's lying, but that's okay. Sometimes fibs are nice when they spare people's feelings.
Team: Cee Lo
Song: "Walk Like an Egyptian" by The Bangles
Ugh, she's still here. And the self-proclaimed "Egyptian Warrior Princess" chooses to sing "Walk Like an Egyptian." Shocking.
Jaimie: "Oh no, Erin. I did not miss you."
Chelsey: "Please let her go home tomorrow."
Erin, a former model as we obviously know, continues to worry about being more than just a pretty face, so she decides to pick a midriff-exposing outfit for her over-the-top performance, which also includes a gaggle of buff, shirtless men. It all makes so much sense.
Chelsey: "At least she's giving her hair a rest."
Jaimie: "This performance is the most literal one yet."
Blake again marvels at the male strippers (again), and then Adam makes an incredibly disturbing comment about Blake buying "a one-way ticket to boner town." First of all, gross. Second of all, is he referencing Erin? Or the male slave dancers? Or Carson? Confused.
Christina steps in as the unlikely voice of reason, telling Erin that if she wants to prove herself vocally she needs to bring it a lot harder than she did in this performance. You said it, gurl.
Coadge Cee Lo gives Erin some praise and some constructive criticism, but if the rest of America is seeing what we're seeing, it seems like this will be the last of Erin Martin. We hope.
Song: "When You Were Young" by The Killers
The 19-year-old adorable lil' Georgia peach feels more comfortable on the stage than off of it. But he wants to rock out a bit. Adam says "he needs to make people feel some depth to what he does." He urges Pip to screw up a little and lose his "s---."
Of course, when Pip steps on the stage, it's apparent some things never change: He's wearing a polkadot bow tie, but has ditched the suspenders for a leather jacket.
Chelsey: "I'm nervous, but I also appreciate him trying something new."
Jaimie: "True. He sounds good actually."
Chelsey: "Of course he does. He's pip!"
After he sings his final note, we see Pip's parents are also wearing bow ties and we swoon a little. Christina moans his name, says she appreciates his vocal ability, but it came off as trying too hard. Adam says the song was "an interesting choice," but he didn't totally lose himself. "You gotta be a little less trustworthy or something," he says with a laugh. Personally, we loved it and are confused as to why Adam didn't too.
Team: Cee Lo
Song: "Are You Gonna Go My Way?" by Lenny Kravitz
HIV-positive "comeback kid" and the ever-so-optimistic Jamar Rogers may be sporting a new hairdo, but he still has the same hipster-rocker wardrobe that we have come to know, love and covet.
Of course, since this is a Team Cee Lo performance AND the last one of the night, something ridiculous had to happen: guitar-playing chicks on stilts. STILTS. Honestly, what goes on in Cee Lo's head?
Jaimie: "I feel inadequate. I cannot sing, stand on stilts, or play the guitar."
Chelsey: "Hey, don't put yourself down! You can play 'Good Riddance' by Green Day on guitar!"
Jamar gives Lenny a run for his money and it is one heck of a performance. Definitely a shining moment in an otherwise mediocre night.
Chelsey: "He has such a great stage presence."
Jaimie: "And jackets. He has such great stage jackets."
Blake says he was confused by the stilts (OK. Blake, enough, we get it. You don't like the theatrics. Shut up and join the club). Coadge Cee Lo couldn't be more proud of Jamar. Adam insists on speaking (even though Carson seems to be having a panic attack as they are running out of time...this is live!) and tells Jamar that he is what the show is all about.
Jaimie: "Jamar's smile makes my heart flutter."
Chelsey: "He's just so happy!"
Hopefully our little comeback kid won't be going anywhere quite yet.