"The Voice" (Mondays and Tuesdays at 8 p.m. ET on NBC) is still in full Battle Round mode and there were some seriously awkward, seriously predictable and seriously impressive performances. There were indie darlings to teen pop princesses to a mariachi singer to one of the best screamers "The Voice" has ever seen. Read on below to find out who got stolen, who's gone for good and who shed tears of joy and those of heartbreak.
Julio Cesar Castillo vs. Terisa Griffin
"Conga," Gloria Estefan
Mariachi singer Julio is up against powerhouse Terisa Griffin, and both are confused to be paired with one another. Then, Blake announces that they will be singing Gloria Estefan's "Conga."
Chelsey: "Blake is like, 'I picked this song because, you know, like, Spanish.'"
Jaimie: "What the f*** is Blake's tattoo. It looks like an amoeba surrounded by barbed wire."
Terisa thinks that Julio has the upper hand in this battle because, you know, Spanish. She tells Blake and Buble in their one-on-one sesh that she thinks that Blake paired the two together to get rid of her ... because she is a drama queen, just like her presumed idol/doppleganger Jackée.
Jaimie: "Blake looks legitimately pissed that she said that."
Chelsey: "As he should be. He's so wise."
The contestants struggle with the fast verses of the song during rehearsals, and Julio worries that he cannot do it. But we know he can do it, because he's adorable. He says that Terisa's voice is strong. "It's intimidating ... she's got pipes," Julio preciously confesses.
Jaimie: "He's so cute."
Chelsey: "I want to put him in a bassinet."
The two hit the stage with Julio still a bit nervous and Terisa ready to do whatever it takes to kick some mariachi ass.
Chelsey: "Damn, Terisa. Those shoes. She also loooooves kissy face."
They start singing, and it's a bit of a mess. We understand that it was a difficult song choice, but Terisa's over-the-top performance does not help things.
Chelsey: "She's oversinging it, like a bat mitzvah singer who thinks it's her own concert."
Julio really tries to bring it as we move into the second verse, but the performance just feels hilarious as the odd couple shimmies around the stage. Coadge X-Tina cannot even control her laughter.
Jaimie: "I like Julio better."
Chelsey: "Personality and voice."
X-Teens continues to giggle and Adam seemingly joins in on the chuckling as well. They clearly are as confused as the rest of us as we try to figure out what we are watching. After the performance, Cee Lo calls the performance "cool" and praises Terisa. Adam actually doesn't know what to say. Then he tells Julio, "Nobody has your style."
Jaimie: "Style meaning a hoodie, another hoodie, a button down and a leather jacket."
Chelsey: "No one has your layering capabilities."
Jaimie: "Apparently, Adam hasn't met an Olsen twin."
Blake struggles as he tries to pick between the unlikely pair, and Carson cracks the whip and tells him that he has to pick, even though the other coadges really weren't very helpful.
He ultimately goes with Julio because he says that Julio put the most work in to improve. But wait! It's not over. As Julio exits the stage and Terisa starts to say her goodbyes, Cee Lo comes in for the steal. Jackee is back, bitches! And good thing, because she looked like she was going to kill Blake for not choosing her.
Chelsey: "Terisa's mom just rose the roof."
Jaimie: "Cee Lo misses his ex wife and mom apparently, so he stole Terisa."
Before this battle is over, Blake reveals that he is scared about Terisa going forward. With good reason.
Winner: Julio Cesar Castillo
Stolen: Terisa, Team Cee Lo
Dez Duron vs. Paulina
"Just The Way You Are," Bruno Mars
We all know Dez Duron as the Yale footballer who was rejected during Season 2 and returned to impress the coadges ... and he succeeded! Paulina, however, is a relatively fresh face, as her blind audition is one that was rushed through in an earlier episode. Sixteen-year-old Paulina tells us that her voice is "sweet, but has sass." She wants to pay her parents back for being so supportive by becoming a "superstar." She's also obnoxious.
Paulina tells us that she's totally excited about Billie Joe Armstrong being her mentor, because she "grew up listening to Green Day."
Chelsey: "OK. You did not grow up listening to Green Day. Maybe 'Wake Me Up When September Ends.'"
As Christina tells Paulina not to change every single god damn note, we notice that our favorite pianist appears to be taking a snooze.
Chelsey: "I think fat Dave Grohl pianist was just sleeping."
Jaimie: "He's tired. He's at every single rehearsal."
Chelsey: "Fair enough."
As Paulina continues to do crazy s*** with her voice, mentor Billie Joe tells Paulina to lay off the "vocal acrobats."
Chelsey: "Paulina is like a CIrque du Soleil in your mouth. But like not in a good way."
Jaimie: "She sounds like the Cranberries, like she has to let it 'linger.'"
Chelsey. "Yes. Or maybe like Shakira."
During the rehearsal, Dez and Paulina try to impress their coadge by outsinging each other. Not much to our surprise, it doesn't sound like it's working too well. Christina tells Paulina to cut the crap with the vocal acrobats. Paulina makes an (in)valid attempt to accept Coadge X-Tina's criticism, but her "I Dream of Jeannie" blink doesn't exactly scream, "I appreciate it, coadge."
The performance begins and, as expected, Paulina goes totally off the rails with her runs.
Chelsey: "Oh. She is the worst. I can't stand her for another round."
Dez and his crazy-gelled hair are nothing to write home about either. Christina puts her hands together and bows towards to her contestants. She is their sensei.
Jaimie: "Maybe she's actually just praying this whole thing ends."
Chelsey: "New rule: You both go home."
Cee Lo gives it to pretty boy Dez. Adam says that Paulina was a bit inconsistent, so he'd go with Dez since he's more seasoned. Blake points out that Dez has come a long way in the past year, but he says that Paulina would stand out on the radio. Still, he thinks Dez's experience puts him on top, though maybe Paulina will be in his shoes in a year.
Coadge Christina also feels that Paulina was inconsistent, so she goes with Dez. And we bow to Sensei X-Tina.
Winner: Dez Duron
Benji vs. Sam James
"You Give Love a Bad Name," Bon Jovi
It's a bro performance, guys: Ex-race car driver Benji vs. bar manager Sam James. Cars and booze. Perfection. And what song do we give two bros to rock out to? A little J.B.J., of course! Mary J. has some wise words of wisdom for the two men: "If you can't hit the note with the note, hit it with emotion." MJB, we love you, but what?
Chelsey: "Of course Benji is a huge cardigan enthusiast. Classic Benji."
During the final performance, Adam wants to make sure that Benji doesn't scream the entire song and that Sam is able to bring his voice up a few notches. He also tells the two bros that "Bon Jovi is a deceptively good singer."
Chelsey: "Deceptively!?!? 'GASP,' says all of New Jersey."
Jaimie: "I think Adam makes the most use of the in-house Starbucks."
Chelsey: "Oh for sure. And Ethos water. He really wants to help out those kids in Africa. Or whatever Ethos water does."
The performance begins, and they are face to face. And MAD! Grrrrrr. You could cut the sexual tension with a knife here, guys.
Chelsey: "This is the best. Kiss! KISS!"
Jaimie: "Sam really does sound like Jack Black in 'School of Rock.'"
Chelsey: "I like his voice!"
Benji's rock n' roll screams get the crowd going, as does the fact that he and Sam don't lose eye contact AT ALL.
Chelsey: "Oh my god. They are FLIRTING!"
Jaimie: "They should really go on tour together. Sam is a great hype man. The Rosie to Benji's Sophia Grace."
Chelsey: "Yeah. One hotel room."
Blake thinks that Benji has an enormous range, while Sam stayed in one place the whole time. He goes for Benj. Christina loves Benji's yelling and screaming (shocker, because she's "Dirrty") so she also chooses Benji as well. Cee Lo thinks that Benji is willing to explore and has a greater range so he thinks "Benji is the clear lead on this one."
Coadge Adam tells Benji that he has one of the best screams he's ever heard ... but (note to the ladies out there) he doesn't seem to like a screamer. Adam chooses Sam! Tricky, tricky!
Jaimie: "I think that's the only time a coadge has gone against what the others say."
And none for Benji, bye!
Winner: Sam James
Nicholas David vs. Todd Kessler
"She's Gone," Hall & Oates
Team Cee Lo
Nicholas -- the formerly overweight boozer who now has two little boys -- and Todd -- a soon-to-be dad and music teacher who never got his time to shine in the Blind Auditions -- were pitted against each other by Mr. Green.
Chelsey: "Why are there so many music teachers?"
Jaimie: "I don't know. It's weird because this is a fashion design competition."
Cee Lo chose the Hall & Oates song because he believes both Nick and Todd are "Blue-Eyed Souls."
Initially in rehearsals 'round the piano, Nicholas sounds weird to us, but not in his formerly good way. We must be missing something because Todd suggests he bow out now and Rob Thomas is wowed by Nicholas' Bill Withers-y voice. But Todd sticks around and the two facial hair aficionados soldier on.
Chelsey: "It's a battle of the beards."
Todd needs to learn to bring some more feeling to his performances so he is channeling his emotion by thinking about when he and his wife were long-distance for the first five years of their relationship.
Rob Thomas and Cee Lo first sit down with Nick to discuss his feelings going into the battle rounds. Cee Lo's sporting a bucket hat as Nick says this performance is difficult for him because he and Todd have grown so close.
Chelsey: "Cee Lo looks like Kel in 'Good Burger.'"
Jaimie: "But I believe that one was furry. A furry Kangol."
Cee Lo thinks Nick needs to find the drive to compete and by that he means, "How dare you wear a similarly shaped straw hat when I'm rocking the bucket, brah?"
Apparently, Nick heard him loud and clear because the night of the battle, he's sans hat for the first time ever on the show and sporting a floral shirt.
Chelsey: "Nick has got styllllllllle."
Both Nick and Todd sound great, but there's something oddly amazing about Nick's voice. Todd sounds sweet too, but he just doesn't sound quite as unique.
Chelsey: "Nick has a really cool voice."
His adorable son swinging back and forth in Nick's wife's arm would agree.
Jaimie: "Blake looks like he has no idea what's going on."
Chelsey: "Actually, he looks like he farted and he's hoping nobody will smell it".
Adam says he's never heard anything like what comes out of Nick's mouth. Blake says Todd is a "great vocalist," but "there's nobody else in the world like Nick." Then, Blake adds, "You look like Jesus and people like that." Taking it down a religious notch, Christina says she
had "fun watching [their] performance," but she's particularly a fan of Nick's head roles.
Cee Lo says Nick moves him in a very special way, but he "appreciates [them] both equally." Ultimately, however, Sr. Green picks "St. Nick." Annnnnnd we're back to the Bible.
Though no one steals Todd, Cee Lo has some advice for him. "You've got the music in you," Cee Lo assures Todd -- or he's quoting The New Radicals ... either way.
Chelsey is still fixated on the facial hair though. "He just really needs a trim," she says of Nick, who's going to celebrate with his family and a pizza party.
Team: Nicholas David
Lelia Broussard vs. Suzanna Choffel
"Dog Days Are Over," Florence and the Machine
After some adorable freestyling from Blake and Buble, we're reintroduced to Lelia Broussard -- another blind audition quickie and Louisiana native -- and toddler music teacher Suzanna Choffel, who impressed with her dead-on take on Stevie Nicks.
Blake paired them up because they're "both indie artists, who play guitar and kind of have gypsy souls."
Susznna looks like Florence Welch a little in the face -- and a little Kit Keller, too. Suzanna, lay off the high ones.
And Lelia looks like Lana Del Rey in the face and Buble is digging her falsetto.
Blake urges Suzanna to let go of her technical teaching abilities and just "lose herself on stage." At the final rehearsal, Lelia is having pitch issues.
On the day of the battle round, Lelia comes out fighting.
Chelsey: "Is that her Rocky walk?"
Jaimie: "No. I think it's like, 'I have heels on and I can't run really, but I'm trying to look enthusiastic.'"
The "Dog Days" performance starts out pretty great -- until they sing a "baa-aaa-aaack" together.
Jaimie: "Lelia is trying to deviate from the original too much."
Chelsey: "Ugh. They both are. This sounds like Rose Byrne and Kristin Wiig in 'Bridesmaids.'"
After that performance, Christina says Suzanna has a "unique thing" about her voice and she's also a fan of Lelia's falsetto. But, according to Teens, they're toe-to-toe. Cee Lo says Lelia didn't seize the opportunity to "take off," though he notes that the both of them have "overflowing" talent. Adam regrets that he didn't win Suzanna over Blake in the blind auditions so he's going with her.
Then, it's up to their coadge, or, as Carson says, the only person's opinion who matters. Blake says when Lelia sings "she almost becomes the song," while Suzanna is a musical chameleon, but she also sounds like herself and can separate herself from other artists.
Blake goes with Suzanna and Lelia is visibly pissed. She feigns a smile, presumably hoping for a steal that she doesn't get. Christina feels bad, but apparently not bad enough. Ciao, Leila.
Winner: Suzanna Choffel
Joselyn Rivera vs. Sylvia Yacoub
"Best Thing I Never Had," Beyonce
After some un-adorable freestyling from Christina and Billie Joe Armstrong, we get a refresher on Joselyn -- the shy teenager who can belt Kelly Clarkson -- and Sylvia -- the young Egyptian-born powerhouse who's, in part, doing this for her mom who couldn't pursue a musical career.
Joselyn -- a "Degrassi"-turned-CW hybrid of Nina Dobrev and Cassie Steele -- asks her coadge and mentor how to get up on stage and be strong.
In the final rehearsal with XTeens, things are getting fierce between a progressively de-curlified Sylvia and increasingly adorable Joselyn. Joselyn says Sylvia's voice is very powerful, but because it's so overpowering, it "can be impressive or a little annoying." Claws out.
The night of the battle, both girls take the stage in a whole lot of metallic and sequins. This performance should come with a warning for the epileptic.
Right off the bat, Joselyn sounds amazing and Sylvia is doing some ad libbing, exactly what Christina told her to tone down. Joselyn continues to impress, while Sylvia ups the power and the girls basically take X-Tina's breath away.
Cee Lo says Joselyn sounded "so wonderful opening up the song" and he really enjoyed her. He doesn't want to pick anyone because he also liked Sylvia's "strong" and "commanding" voice. Could he be prepared to steal?
Adam says the girls are both "gnarly singers." He loved Joselyn's movement and if he had to choose, he'd go with her. Blake notes Sylvia sings with a "I'll kick your ass" attitude and Joselyn sings with her smile, which melted Blake. Cee Lo decides to change his mind and gives Sylvia a pity shout out. She basically rolls her eyes, thinking her time on "The Voice" is coming to an end.
A distraught X-Tina is left with an "impossible" decision, according to Carson. She quite shockingly A) Manages to overcome the impossible by making a decision, but B) That decision is Sylvia. She believes in the "passion and fire" in the young artist.
It's not over yet though, because as soon as Joselyn's up for grabs, Adam and Blake both go in for the steal.
Adam says Joselyn impressed all of them and could be one of those singers who sounds just as good live as she does on the radio. Blake notes he pressed his button for Joselyn in the blind auditions while Adam didn't. Joselyn asks what stood out about her performance -- Adam cites his previous answer while Blake goes with, "Joselyn, I love you."
"I feel so great ... It's like the best of both worlds kind of thing," Joselyn says
Chelsey: "OK, Hannah."
On to chilling out, taking it slow and rocking out the next show.
Winner: Sylvia Yacoub
Stolen: Joselyn Rivera, Team Adam
"The Voice" airs on Mondays and Tuesdays at 8 p.m. ET on NBC.
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