It's the final night of "The Voice" Season 3 premiere week and let's not lie, the contests got progressively worse episode by episode. But the third blind auditions episode to prove to feature some memorable auditions. There was a former boyband member, a woman who says she's the Lady Gaga of China and the show's first mother-daughter duo, which may not be a good thing.
Read on to decide for yourself.
"Redemption Song," Bob Marley
First up for the night is Colorado pizza-maker Samuel Mouton, but don't let the color of his appearance fool you ... he is no pop star. Samuel has a passion for reggae which he got from his dad and super cool uncle who used to be in a reggae band. Samuel's uncle is that wacky family member with long hair who makes jokes like "[Samuel's] been a loser forever, so this a major step." LOL!
Jaimie: "Wow. Check out his uncle's hair."
Chelsey: "It's how you can tell he's alternative."
Samuel is different from the other contestants because he doesn't have a sob story, which must mean, as Chelsey notes, "he's doomed." But Samuel (quoting the eve-so brilliant Marshall Mathers) reminds us that this is his "one shot."
Samuel's reggae voice catches Adam's attention almost instantaneously, and Christina and Cee Lo still follow. We like Samuel's voice, but we weren't expecting this strong response.
Chelsey: "Whoa! Wildcard."
Jaimie: "Wow. Is this warranted?"
Chelsey: "Maybe it's because he's different. But I bet they're super disappointed that he's white."
X-Tina gets real inappropriate real fast, obviously flirting with Samuel to win his blessed little heart. Cee Lo tries to win him over with a quick geography lesson when he tells him that "Colorado is so far away from Jamaica." Adam keeps pulling the "I pressed my button first" card, which ultimately wins the pizza chef over.
"Glad You Came," The Wanted
Chris Trousdale is introduced as a former boy band member, so we obviously immediately freak out.
Chelsey: "Former boy band. Yes. Who is he. I need to know."
Jaimie: "WHAT BOY BAND!"
Soon, it is revealed that he is a former member of Dreamstreet, AKA the band that made Jesse McCartney big AKA singers of the best song ever created about masturbation, "It Happens Every Time." Also, he now works at a sushi restaurant.
Chelsey: "Oh my god. This is so sad. HE WORKS AT A SUSHI RESTAURANT."
Jaimie: "This is sad. But he got cuter. So there's that."
After an emotional shot of Chris sipping on a latte with a voiceover talking about how hard it's been for him since the band broke up (in 2002 ... oy), he hits the stage with choreography ready to go. Though his dancing and moonwalking is boy band fabulous, his singing leaves something to be desired. The judges agree (Christina even makes an "eek" face), and Chris is sent packing. But he does get Blake to do the moonwalk, so it's kind of a win.
Chelsey: "Our boy bands from our youth can't even make it on a reality singing competition. This is sad."
Jaimie: "At least he's in good spirits. He's working the crowd. He should be Carson's hype man."
Chelsey: "Maybe he should just take Carson's job."
And with a slow jog, we say goodbye to Chris Trousdale. I guess it DOESN'T happen every time. BURN!
"Ain't No Sunshine," Bill Withers
With a 1,000-watt smile and perhaps the cutest brother yet, Nelly's Echo made a fast impression on the us, also because of his heartbreaking upbringing and the adorable accompanying photos. The 32-year-old fled his birthplace of Nigeria with his mother and brothers at the age of 16 because of the dangerous political situation. His father sadly was unable to leave because he was incarcerated, but he's since been reunited with Nelson (a.k.a. Nelly's Echo) and the rest of his family.
Music was a big coping mechanism for Nelly's Echo and his brothers and he decided to pursue it professionally. His stage name, as he explains to an inquiring carson, is based on the notion that music is a two-way street: Nelly is Nelson, the perform, and Echo is the audience's appreciate of the performance. "What a profoundly beautiful answer," the insincere
douche host replies.
He takes the stage with a pretty sweet guitar and though he starts off strong, he gets even better and more energetic when Christina pushes her button early on.
Jaimie: "His guitar is cool. I say this knowing nada about guitars."
Chelsey: "You have one. It makes you an expert."
After an impressive note, Adam does the same and the audience is clapping along to Nelly Echo's rendition. When the 90 seconds end and he's asked to explain his background. We melt -- he's basically like the best of Javier Colon and Jesse Campbell.
Now, Nelly's Echo has to choose between Adam and Christina. (We're surprised Cee Lo's tyrannosaurus arm didn't go for the button, too.)
Chelsey: "Cee Lo knows how to move this shit along."
Jaimie: "Cee Lo just said, 'Pick a coach, bro.' Has he been sipping on some Ron Ron Juice."
Chelsey: "FOR SURE!"
Honestly, by the way Adam is being, he makes a good decision by going with Boob's McGee. Adam is a sore loser, saying, "I don't get it" about four times straight.
Jaimie: "I don't know if this was a good choice, but Adam is annoying me."
Chelsey: "I'm like weirded out by how much christina ISN'T annoying me."
Chelsey: "She seems so much more genuine this time around."
"Before He Cheats," Carrie Underwood
Just when we realized that we've yet to see a duo this season, 2Steel Girls answered our prayers. But then we find out that this is a mother-daughter duo, and they're country, and our prayers remain unanswered.
Chelsey: "Oh no. I HATE IT."
Jaimie: "This is kinda gross. I'm weirded out."
The mom tells us that she quit her job in order to pursue her and her daughter's musical dream, which really sounds more irresponsible than anything else, but this woman is clearly not gunning for woman of the year. This is "THE VOICE!"
Chelsey: "Remember when we said that parents have stepped up their game this season? They just took twenty steps back."
Jaimie: "THE MOM'S SHOES!"
The duo hits the stage singing a Carrie Underwood song about girl power of course, and they manage to catch the ears of both Blake (presumably because they're country) and Cee Lo (presumably because they're females). They end their performance with a Mary Kate and Ashley back-to-back pose, and the nightmare is finally over. Cee Lo gives a surprisingly non-pervy pitch, but Blake's country vibes prove irresistible yet again.
"Dontcha," Pussycat Dolls
When we first saw this 26-year-old from the Bronx at the start of the show, she said, "In China, I am like Lady Gaga" -- it's hard not to loathe someone after that, even though we also are very much over Lady Gaga. "Whywhy is evryone tonight THE WORST?" Chelsey asks. Anyone have an answer?
Later, when it's Domo's time to shine -- which might as well be every time of the day -- Carson gets her to open up, a very difficult feat. Turns out she's a professional dancer. What kind, Carson asks. "Hip-hop. The cool kind," the oh-so-charasmatic Domo replies. Soon thereafter, she tells us she's all over billboards and in many commercials, including Nair and what sounds like Cervix. Gross. As she shows Carson some of her moves, people around the room are giving her the "McKayla Maroney Is Not Impressed" look.
Before she takes the stage, Domo says she can dance like Janet and Michael
and sing like Whitney, Christina, Celine and the like. She's very modest.
Then, one line in, before the music even starts, Cee Lo presses his button. Upon first glance at Domo, he bites his finger and she moves closer and the other coadges look on, cracking up. Cee Lo basically licks his lips for the the next 80 seconds with his eyes fixated on Domo, but the most entertaining portion of this audition is the other coadges in stitches.
No one else turns around -- because Adam, Christina and Blake are thinking with their heads in stead of what's between their legs -- so Domo is Cee Lo's. She asks to "do a little exercise" and transports us back to 1999 as she yells, "When I say 'Dah,' you say 'mo'?"
After the DeLorean brings us back to 2012, Cee Lo is currently in heat. "I would run," he warns. "Run to me. Don't run away," pervy Cee Lo retorts, before saying Domo is "her own little industry" and the song, which he wrote, didn't do her justice.
Just like the portion of her leggings that is missing on her upper right thigh, the part of the brain that connects Cee Lo's ears with his brain is no longer there.
At least the other cadges openly mock Domo to Cee Lo after she leaves the stage. That makes it worthwhile ... almost. "I'm so mad that we'll have to see her again," Chelsey poignantly notes.
Team: Cee Lo
"Hallelujah," Leonard Cohen
This 34-year-old lives in what used to be a shoe factory in Burlington, Vermont with some fellow musicians. She admits to being a hippie and we're pretty sure "shoe factor" is code for "commune." Her father told her that pursing a career in music has two results: "Either you're Whitney Houston or you're a street peddler." But Nicole knows "he was wrong." She's been doing the in between for 10 years now.
Nicole immediately impressed the audience, but it took a while for her to do the same to the judges. Adam turned around mid-perfromance and then, when she hit one note, the other three coadges turned around very quickly. "It just kept getting better and better," Adam said, after Nicole left the audiences and the coadges on their feet. Just to sway her, he notes that he "turned around first" in a incredibly obnoxious singsongy tone.
Cee Lo puns that he can say "Hallelujah" for Nicole's voice. Blake tries to bond with her on the organic food front and Christina offers a grabby hand gesture.
Chelsey: "Christina went for the boob squeeze. She's like, 'GIMME YOUR BOOBS I NEED MORE!'"
Though Nicole says she thought she was going to go with Blake, ultimately, she chooses Mr. First Spin. Adam then kneels on the ground victoriously before strutting back to his chair.
When Nicole goes back stage to meet up with Carson and her sole friend/family member, he greets her with, "Hell, four chairs."
Seriously, dad. Can we go home?
There were also three more ladies who made it through in this estrogen-fille episode, but we didn't have a featured package.
Loren Allred: A wedding singer who chose Team Adam
Lisa Scinta: A Erin Martin-sounding (but not looking) young woman, who chose Team Christina
MarissaAnn: The youngest competitor thus far at 15, who also chose Team Christina