Often in life we make important decisions too late.
Our decision to re-connect with an old friend happens just as they are about to move across the country, our decision to start eating healthy occurs after years of hurting our bodies, or our decision to switch our career happens after we have already invested significantly in another field.
Most of the time, we know the right thing to do but we're too scared or not ambitious enough to do it. It is only when the circumstances become pressing that we summon the courage to reach out to our old friend, or take a leap we should have taken months ago.
Three years ago I saw an opportunity, and I made the decision not to wait. My grandfather was 91, and I recognized that he wouldn't be around for much longer (and would lose cognizance even sooner,) and I made the decision to learn about his life before it was too late.
The reason this was a difficult for me was because visiting and talking with an elderly grandparent is usually difficult and emotionally taxing. No matter how good of a relationship you have, or how empathetic you are, spending time with an elderly grandparent can be a disheartening, mentally burdensome experience. For most people, myself include, visiting grandparents is usually done out of a sense of moral obligation more so than genuine enjoyment. While I did enjoy speaking with and spending time with him, I wouldn't have been able to visit my grandfather if I didn't mentally prepare myself each time.
Three years ago I made a promise to myself that unless there was a pressing circumstance in the way, I would visit my grandfather every single Sunday evening. And I did. Depending on where in Boston I was living (I had 4 apartments in the two years I lived there - in Mission Hill, Southie, Allston, and Cambridge,) my roundtrip commute to visit him took anywhere from one to two hours. For three years this occupied that second half of my Sunday every weekend.
Initially I had no plans to write anything. I visited him out largely out of a sense of obligation and to build our relationship. As our conversations continued, his surprising lucidity, insightfulness, and thought-provoking intelligence became increasingly apparent. I began taking notes from our conversations, not knowing what I would do with the notes, but documenting them nonetheless. As this continued I transitioned to using my phone to record our conversations. Three years later I had 100 pages of notes and over 30 hours of recorded conversations. I went through the material and realized I had to do something with it... there was simply too much insightful, interesting content to let it just sit on my desk. That's when I started talking with writers and publishers and transformed it into A Cloud in the Sky.
After three years of conversations, there is really no additional insight or story I can learn from my grandfather. Moreover, the book is finished and there is no need for new material. However, for him our weekly meetings gave him excitement and purpose. He made it clear to me that our meetings were the highlight of his week, and often encouraged him to stay positive. Realizing this, I now continue to have weekly conversations with him, asking him questions that I know the answers to, hearing the same stories countless times, because it keeps him motivated to be part of a project that he feels gives him purpose. And so while the book is in print, the story's not over yet for him.