My weekends shouldn't be anything exciting. My ideal one involves me sleeping, brunching, and making an Instagram posts that gets about 30 likes. In my late 20s, I know a few inalienable truths about myself: I'm introverted, lazy, and selfish. I work (very hard) in the public sector, volunteer occasionally, vote annually, and donate money to non-profits. I'm a good person, but I'm never that person.
You know that person: the SJW. The oft-feared and always angry, social justice warrior, the ruiner of brunches and cute Facebook posts. Social justice warriors are the folks that tell you about every inequity and injustice in the world. They seem more interested in getting other folks involved in the cause than just enjoying the world.
I didn't understand the SJW's rage, their blinding fury in any type of genuine, empathetic way. I saw all of the inequity that existed in the world: I walked past homeless people everyday, saw police shootings of unarmed Black men and women, and knew the history that continues to drive the inequity of our country. I knew there was inequity, but it was a level of inequity that I had always known. What can you do? I didn't cause the system and I was making minor improvements as I went along. I was part of the solution! I even had a t-shirt that said I was on "the right side of history."
Since President Trump's tweets have become policy, I have suddenly become that SJW that I made fun of over mimosas. I have marched, changed plans at a moments notice to protest the Muslim Ban, written and called Senators, organized alumni to challenge our university, organized a book drive, donated more money than I can afford, and still continue to feel so many complex emotions everyday. I'm furious at our government, proud of the resistance, depressed about the state of the world, and sometimes just thankful that I live in my insulated bubble, where 96% of people voted for Hillary Clinton.
The challenge with all of this is that in my head, well I'm still the same person that can spend an hour looking at memes on the Internet. I'm still lazy and afraid of crowds. I still prefer to sleep than march. I want to spend my money on brunch and not donations to the ACLU. I don't want to live in a world where buying groceries seems like laughing at a funeral or feel random anger when my friends aren't protesting when I am cold and marching. I want to be able to swipe right on Tinder and not have my pick up line be which cabinet appointment are the scariest. (Unrelated: I'm still single.)
I am so many things in the Trump administration and in this new chapter of American history. But, right now, most of all, I am angry and scared. And that anger and fear is driving me to be the SJW that I never planned to be.