Just leaked by sources close to the president that I am not at liberty to name, here is the final draft of the address on Iraq that President George W. Bush will deliver to the nation tomorrow night.
"Fellow Americans: I speak to you at a critical time in the ongoing war against terror. Ever since 9/11, I have done everything in my power to defend this nation against a new kind of enemy: an enemy that hates freedom and the American way of life and will do everything possible to destroy them both. And ever since we learned that Saddam Hussein was bent on developing weapons of mass destruction and plotting attacks on America--as he was doing right up to the moment of his execution--we have treated Iraq as a major battlefront in the war against terror.
Let me assure you tonight that we are winning that war in Iraq. In spite of what the media may tell you, things are going well. The media have a habit of focusing on the downside, and reporting just raw numbers and isolated facts. They will tell you that over three thousand American soldiers have been killed in this war, that over twenty thousand American soldiers have been wounded (many maimed for life), and that over three thousand Iraqi civilians are being killed there each month. What the media don't tell you is that millions of Iraqis are not being killed each month and that the vast majority of American soldiers serving in Iraq have been neither killed nor wounded, yet. Fighting tirelessly and courageously, they have done their part to help establish a government and a system of justice that has just ended the life of a brutal dictator and thus ensured that he will never more threaten the world with weapons of mass destruction. There can be no doubt that we have changed the regime in Iraq.
So we are winning there, and I'm sure you will be glad to know tonight that as long as I remain your president, this nation will never cut and run from Iraq. But I know that like me, you are dissatisfied with our pace of success there. That is why I asked the Iraq Study Group to recommend new ideas for Iraq, and that is why I have been listening to experts from the Pentagon and a great many others with suggestions on how we can move forward.
But I must make two things clear.
First, I have no interest in talking to our enemies, giving them at the negotiating table what they could never win on the battlefield. I don't trust diplomacy. It's a murky pond swarming with leeches that suck the red blood of our resolution, leaving us drained and pale. Iran and Syria know what they have to do. Iran has to stop developing nuclear weapons, and Syria has to stop supporting terrorists. When they do that, when they've done we want them to do, I'll talk to them. Not before.
Secondly, I am not interested in any ideas that may lead to defeat. Whenever I hear anything about a troop reduction or a phased withdrawal, I stop listening. Whenever any of my generals or advisors uses such terms, I replace them with men who tell me what I want to hear. That's how I will lead this great nation to victory in Iraq.
And I am here tonight to tell you that we have a new strategy for Iraq. We are not changing our course; we remain firmly focused on victory, which has been our goal all along. But we now have a new strategy for winning: operation surge.
Operation surge will send twenty thousand new troops to Iraq with a special mission: to achieve victory there. They will be deployed to the most challenging sectors we face in Baghdad and Anbar Province, where the insurgents have proven hardest to eradicate. But we have recently made a crucial discovery: the insurgents in these areas have no surge protection. They are powerless against surges. All our new brigades have to do, therefore, is enter contested areas and shout "SURGE!" The insurgents will then come at once out of hiding, throw down their weapons, raise their arms in surrender, and beg to learn all we can teach them about American democracy. At this point each commanding officer will deliver a motivational speech on the stirring theme, "Scream not about what the occupation has done to you; ask what you can do for the occupation." We will thus win the hearts and minds of all Iraqis, Kurds and Sunnis and Shia alike.
I cannot promise you tonight that our victory will be swift, or that it will come before I leave office, or in my lifetime, or in yours. But I can promise you that we will never cut and run. And I am absolutely certain that the brave men and women of this new operation will so conduct themselves that if the American empire should last for a thousand years, historians will say, "this was its finest surge."
God bless America.