Top 10 Reasons Christopher Columbus Kicks Ass (PHOTOS)

10/07/2010 03:17 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Columbus is a hero to members of my ethnic heritage, so if you think I am going to jump on the bandwagon about how he brought misery and misfortune to the indigenous people of the Americas or was so unfathomably stupid that when he discovered us he thought he had arrived in India, well you can just disabuse yourself of that notion right now. Besides, I can still remember the time I happened to be in San Francisco during the Columbus Day Parade, and it was so much fun that if anyone had decided to harsh my mellow by even hinting that Columbus was an imperialist oppressor, I might have been inclined to, at the very least, freeze him or her out emotionally.

The fact is it's time for Columbus Day weekend. The guy has a national holiday named after him. Let's just give him the props he deserves instead of being so quick to judge him for smallpox or enslavement or whatever.

Here, then, are, the top 10 reasons Christopher Columbus kicks ass:

Chris Columbus Kicks Ass

So, the next time you think Christopher Columbus might have been kind of a dick, just set aside all those conspiracy theories and look at the facts. As you can tell from this list, that's exactly what I did.

James Napoli is an author and humorist. More of his comedy content for the Web can be seen here.