The struggle for LGBT rights continues, and, I suspect, will continue for some time. But what is often lost during the battles of the "culture war" is how much has changed already.
I remember, around 13 years old, reading the word "homosexual" in the dictionary. It is the first time that I knew of the word. I heard insulting words but was never clear as to why they were insulting, or what they meant. It was the first time I realized that there were other gay people around. My reasoning was, "If there is a word for it, it must mean there are others."
A few years later, I remember seeing a photo in Life magazine of a "holy union" ceremony being conducted in a gay church. To my knowledge, that was the first time I saw a picture of someone who I knew was gay. As a kid, I just wasn't exposed to anything, clearly identified as "gay" by anyone.
The closest to that was Liberace. And he was so over-the-top and clownish that I never thought he was what it meant to be gay. Certainly he was never identified on television as gay and went to great lengths, including lawsuits, to claim otherwise. Since I was young enough to not know the stereotype of gay people I just never realized he was gay until years later.
When Hot l Baltimore aired in 1975, it had a gay couple, but the show didn't last long and was barely noticed. It was really in Soap, two years later, that we saw the first recurring gay character, played by Billy Crystal.
Hollywood was barely better than this. Few films portrayed gay people, and those that did often had them killing themselves (The Children's Hour), or being killed (Suddenly Last Summer). Even then, such films rarely identified the character as gay; they merely suggested it in vague terms. An exception was Dirk Bogarde's 1961 film, Victim, about a blackmailing scheme that used the illegality of homosexuality to shake down gay men. Bogarde played a married, closeted gay man who fought back against the blackmail ring. But Victim was a British production, not from Hollywood.
What I remember from Hollywood was Max Baer's film version of Bobbie Gentry's song "Ode to Billy Joe." All the song told us was that Billy Joe McAllister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge. The film, starring Robbie Benson, fleshed it out. We learn that Billy Joe is tormented about a sexual experience he's had with his male boss at the sawmill. The town, however, assumes that he impregnated the 15-year-old Bobbie Lee Hartley (Glynnis O'Connor). Hartley, at the end of the film, packs her bags and slips out, to keep this illusion alive. As she crosses the bridge, she runs into the sawmill owner, who is coming to clear her reputation. Bobbie Lee points out to him that isn't acceptable, because "we certainly can't have people believin' that Billy Joe McAllister jumped off the bridge because of a man--can we?"
In 1982, three hot young stars appeared together in a film that shook things up just a bit. Kate Jackson, Harry Hamlin and Michael Ontkean co-starred in Making Love. Jackson and Ontkean are "happily" married until Hamlin enters the picture, and the Ontkean character deals with his sexual orientation. When Ontkean and Hamlin shared a kiss, theater audiences exploded with shock. At its height of popularity, only 380 theaters would touch the film that earned an "R" rating simply because of the topic.
Today, television characters who are gay are a dime a dozen. More importantly, their sexual orientation does not define their character. The excellent, and to-be-missed, United States of Tara has father Max (John Corbett ) asking son Marshall (Keir Gilchrist) about his relationship with a girl. Max stutters a bit and says, "Hey, I'm not prying, OK? It's none of my business. I'm gonna run to Grandstand for burgers, you want anything?" Marshall responds with, "I'm gay." And Max says, "Good... so you want anything?" Marshall's sexual orientation, in essence, is as much an "issue" as getting burgers.
Certainly, in Ugly Betty,, the sexual orientation of Justin (Mark Indelicato) was always known and never an issue; the other characters accepted Justin before he accepted himself. And, I suspect, so did most of the audience. And then there's Glee.
These cultural shifts have been important. People have become used to the idea that homosexuals are people like them, not mysterious, hidden monsters lurking around darkened corners, looking to snatch children for nefarious purposes. The "closet" reinforced the public's fears and allowed them to flourish, which is precisely why the religious right wishes to push gay people back into hiding. It is also the reason they are going to fail in their crusade.
We now have a generation with gay kids who have always known that they are not alone, and they can't go back into the closet; they were never there to begin with. Even before dealing with their own sexual orientation, they knew there were others. This is well exemplified when, according to Kate Winslet, her 7-year-old son Joe said, "One day I will have a girlfriend or a boyfriend." He wanted to know from her, "Which would you prefer?" Kate says she responded, "My love, that would be entirely up to you, and it doesn't make any difference to me."
Joe, if he does turn out to be gay, isn't growing up thinking he's alone in the world. He knows that whatever turns out to be his situation, he has options and rights. It really is a whole new world. And it's a good one.
Rabbi Andrea Myers: It Gets Beautiful: One Rabbi's Perspective on Being Jewish and LGBTQ
When Ugly Betty premiered, I thought Justin was insanely like my cousin John when he was that age. Unfortunately, John is 50 and the fact that he's always been himself was the cause of much violence when he was a child. It's only in recent years that his flamboyance didn't meant there were neighborhoods he couldn't walk through without violence and 10 years ago, his partner was almost beaten to death in Morocco.
I love the difference today. My son came home in gr. 9 and said -Mark is gay-, I asked how he knew and he said -I asked him- ... the conversation was... You gay? Yeah, but not for you... it didn't change the friendship and Mark wasas accepted as he'd ever been. (except he gained a LOT of female friends)
As parents, I think it's important to understand that not all kids are like Justin or my cousin.. some are quietly gay and when they come to their realization of who they are, the comments we might have made in jest will make them unsure of acceptance (ours or theirs). My husband and I have always let our guys know that one day they'd fall in love with a girl or boy and we didn't care which (although I'd have been a kickass PFLAG mom *lol*) and the only unacceptable thing in our eyes was if they were racist, homophobic or bullies.
And I love the way Marshall's sexuality was handled on "The united States of Tara".
And whether the Kate Winslet story is true or not, that is a wonderful sentiment.
Monica Gallagher - Shameless
Alice - The Playboy Club
Tea - Skins
Emily, Maya and Paige - Pretty Little Liars
Angela, Mary - Boardwalk Empire
Lucinda - Outlaw
Tara, Pam - True Blood
Toshiko, Charlotte - Tourchwood
Isabelle - Weeds (and this season the lead has a lesbian relationship as well)
Callee, Erica and Arizona - Grey's Anatomy
Katherine - Desperate Housewives
Those are a few lesbian characters. I won't even count Dexter where in the season premier he meets an ex-girlfriend and her female spouse. (No, he doesn't kill them). The ex tells him: "You were the last man I slept with." He replies: "I'm glad I could help." There are "some gay women" for you.
Seeing it and experiencing other bullying and hate-related attacks drove me into the closet until I was 40. That was the down side. The up side was that I became the father of seven kids, three of whom have since identified themselves as gay, forcing me to confront my own internalized homophobia and coming out myself.
My kids are all grown now. Two of them have kids of their own (seven grandkids for old gay Rocky, whohoo!). My children, gay and straight, are comfortable in their respective sexual orientations and supportive of each other's.
Myj grandchildren are growing up in a world where they know the meaning of the word "homosexuality" and they know gay people. Hopefully, when they identify who they are sexually, they will see their sexuality, in whatever form it takes, as normal, and be comfortable in their own skins and not have to experience the unnatural process of denying who they are that their Papaw Rocky did.
I'm honored that you shared a bit more of your story. I'm lucky to be in such wonderful company.
Thank you, Rocky...
--ez
But we do still have a long ways to go.
One of the changes we're seeing is that "coming out" went from rarely done (in the Fifties and earlier) to being done usually as an adult (Sixties and Seventies) to being done typically as a young adult (eighties and nineties) to being done often in adolescence (recently). Early on, coming out was so difficult that a person wouldn't do it until they had the strength of character to face all the negativity that would be directed at them - which meant coming out later than is typically done today.
Today we have people coming out largely in adolescence, a time when they are often emotionally ill-equipped to face the discrimination that awaits them. I'm not suggesting that our youth wait to "come out"; instead, we all must work even harder to provide them the support they need and to reduce the anti-gay bias that still exists in much of our society.
But, the discrimination kids may face was there when I was a kid. Even if one is not out one was attacked because others make assumptions. And that was all the encouragement that bullies needed.
Certainly a lot has to be done about bullying in the schools. The simple truth is that the schools are not safe places for gay kids. Gay kids have to be given the freedom of school choice to avoid the worse schools. Too often the bureaucrats do nothing until a kid is already dead.
We have indeed come a long way!
Great film.
I enjoy reading you. Keep up the great work and THANK YOU.
I am proud of the generation that came before me to help me on my journey and I’m delighted that today’s generation knows that they are not alone. It’s comforting to know that many may never know what being in the closet feels like.
But we still have a long way to go to be “EQUAL”
I have faith that today youth, being straight, gay, white, black, purple, or blue will understand that equality is for all and work toward making that tomorrow’s reality.
I'm glad to see GLBT people portrayed as being at home with their orientation, without all the drama you saw when I was growing up. Coming out much of the time is probably not completely painless and easy but because there are GLBT people positively portrayed, I think it might be easier than in my youth--and that is all for the good.