03/01/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

"I Want to Be Dick Armey's Wife"

A barrage of requests to marry Former Republicker* House Majority Leader Dick Armey have surfaced following his remarks to Slate's Joan Walsh on the January 28th broadcast of Hardball with Chris Matthews.

While debating the possible failure or success of the stimulus package passed by the Democratic majority in the House, Armey said to Walsh, "I'm so damn glad you could never be my wife [because] I surely wouldn't have to listen to that prattle from you every day," adding "That's what I'm talking about -- she's making a political malarkey here." He also repeatedly insisted that Walsh "give it a rest" when she reminded the Hardball audience how Armey's economic strategies have repeatedly failed.

Host Chris Matthews and another guest, Bob Herbert of The New York Times, called Armey's sexist remarks out of line, and Herbert demanded an apology to Walsh, Matthews and the Hardball audience.

However, several women have come forward expressing their desire to become the next Mrs. Dick Armey.

"Who wouldn't want to marry Dick Armey?" asked Joanna McDonald. "I would never have to think for myself again. It doesn't matter that all of his decisions are bad. I wouldn't have to make any!"

Another woman, Beth Franklin, said that becoming Mrs. Armey would give her the chance to catch up on some reading. "Sure, being Dick Armey's wife may have its setbacks, but if he doesn't think I'm meant to speak my mind, then I can just kinda sit back and read Twilight all day."

Even men are trying to get in on the action. Michael Jameson says, "I just want to see if he'll say something homophobic too. Oh, wait, he's done that already."**

Though some budding female political commentators, like seven-year-old Chloe Hanks, have seen their dreams of becoming the next Mrs. Armey fade away. "I always wanted to be a public speaker and marry Dick Armey, but Mr. Armey doesn't like girls talking. Now I'll never be able to marry him." Little Chloe tried to speak again, but could not hold back her tears.

The desire for these women to become Dick Armey's wife comes as a shock to some, especially as the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act is about to become law. But while the Republicker Party continues to gnash their teeth over losing the election and scrounge for someone to blame, some women have decided that the current role of the formerly "grand" old party of the former Congressman is more ideal for their economically depressed lives. Says Franklin, "I figure maybe it's time to stop whining about my problems, sit back and be irrelevant for a little while."

*Apparently, since the GOP are in the mood to act like children, they are now almost constantly referring to the "Democrat Party." Until they knock it off, I'm referring to them as the "Republicker Party." I can be immature too.

**"My mother says that in the 59 years since being married to my father, no one had ever called her Elsie Fag." -- Congressman Barney Frank, in response to Texas Republican Dick Armey's claim that, his reference to Barney Frank as "Barney Fag" was a mere mispronunciation.