Losing a Spouse to Cancer

Driving to visit the horses yesterday, I passed banners and flags and chairs set up along the roadway. Oh right, I remember -- Memorial Day. The official designation is to honor the men and women who have died while in the military service.

What about the "war" on cancer? Our personal "battle" ? What about how military language permeates the medical jargon -- hell, it permeates everyday language. We were "winning", then "losing", the "coast was clear", then "all hell broke loose."

We were "engaged" in "fights," "skirmishes," "winning," "losing," "assaults" and "infiltrations." Encountered "full mobilization" efforts, "targeted" approaches, "broad spectrum" treatments and all sorts of "weapons" to "attack" the cancer cells. Did I mention "SNAFUs" ? Or "Cluster F***s" ?

Yesterday was also the 8th month anniversary. Before anyone asks of what I will put it out there: of Robert's death. Excuse the sarcasm, but who is counting? I am once again facing and dealing with time. Time is supposed to heal, time is supposed to make the longing go away, time is supposed to ease the pain. Am I supposed to forget as well?

For all who have lived through these long, protracted battles, I dedicate Memorial Day to our spouses, our loved ones, who finally succumbed. But not without a fight. A national holiday to honor their true fighting spirit. And a way for us to always remember.