Dear Dick: We Have Received Your Resume...

These Days, More and More People Are Looking For Work

Dear Mr. Cheney:

Thank you for your recent letter inquiry about a position with the Gallup organization. As one of the nation's leading polling firms, we are always on the lookout for individuals with talent and experience, and your resume is outstanding. Moreover, you have correctly observed that the reluctance of people to take our surveys is a sizable factor in the cost of our services. However, we have concluded that classifying these people as ``enemy respondents,'' taking them into custody, and flying them to undisclosed locations for a program of enhanced interrogation is unlikely to result in meaningful savings, and as such we do not see sufficient benefit in retaining you to manage such a program at this time. Please be advised that we will keep your resume on file.

Sincerely yours,

Dear Mr. Tenet,

Just to let you know, I followed up your suggestion and contacted the commissioner's office, and Mr. Stern's assistant put me in touch with the vice president of in-game marketing. I told him about the video you made where you shout "It's a slam dunk, Mr. President!'', and your idea of showing it on the scoreboards at NBA games to rev up the crowds whenever a player dunks. Frankly, he seemed a little bit lukewarm to the idea, but he didn't entirely say no. Here's a question: Is it possible that you ever said to the president "It's Shaqtastic!"? Let me know.

Sincerely,

Dear Secretary Rumsfeld,

Please forgive me if I am stepping outside of formal channels here -- I'm sure Mr. Mehta will be replying to you directly -- but I'm just so excited that I couldn't wait to reply. I can't say exactly why he didn't think your manuscript was right for our nonfiction list, but I'm delighted that he recognized the attraction that "Knowns, Known Unknowns and Unknown Unknowns'' would have for us in the children's division. Kids absolutely adore that double-talk kind of nonsense language, and if you're willing to join me in rolling up your sleeves and cutting about 700 pages from your draft, I believe we'll have a classic that even Dr. Seuss would envy. By the way, I can't wait to introduce you to the illustrator. He's done some sketches of that scary Mr. Wolfowitz that are hilarious!

Very truly yours,

Dear Attorney General Gonzales:

It was good to meet you last week. Your idea for your online legal reference site is interesting. We had no idea that nearly twenty percent of all clients are unhappy with their representation and would hire a different attorney if they could easily find a replacement. We were also impressed by your market surveys demonstrating that no one is more closely identified in the public's mind with replacing attorneys than you. Unfortunately, with so much of our available funds invested in Karl Rove's Revisionist History Book Club venture, we cannot offer you financing at this time.

Sincerely yours,

Dear Dr. Rice,

This is to confirm that you will be teaching a course at The Learning Annex on Saturday, January 31st, to be entitled "Power Enabling: Smart Women, Costly Blunders.'' The cost of the session will be $49.95, and you will provide a free workbook.

Good luck.

Dear Mr. President:

Mr. Bruckheimer is in receipt of your proposal, but because he is stuck in casting his new series C.S.I. Wasilla', he asked me to respond. He wanted me to tell you that he likes the idea of a game show, that he likes the idea of calling it The Decider, and that he likes the format where contestants present you their problems, and you in turn give them answers that will leave them more prosperous, more highly respected, and better able to face the future. His only question is: do you have any experience?

Sincerely yours,

Comments

[nevernine]

Very funny--the Rice thing at Learning Annex.
But don't thing it may not happen. Donald Trump does those at Learning Annex and he surely doesn't need the money more then she does.

[levibatgirl]

Excellent!

[DavidEBrown]

Thank you, There's a book there (maybe several volumes?)

[mlaiuppa]

Someone needs to get a copy of the Lexicon of Intentionally Ambiguous Recommendations.

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

Brilliant! Absolutely loved it!

More please? Hope you haven't run out of players. Let's see... how about

Harriet Myers
John Ashcroft
Karen Armstrong
Mary Matalin
Ann Coulter (on second thought, maybe not)
Scooter Libby
Heckuva job Brownie
Dana Perino (wonder what HER next job will be?)
Tony Snow (already graduated)
Scott McClelland (you could do the before and after versions)

That ought to keep you busy for awhile.

Thanks for the creative and amusing post.

All the best,
Judith

[greatlardini]

I would like to see Bush and Cheney as septic tank inspectors, and start from the bottom up.

[Dukedraven]

It is were only true about Cheney looking for a job. After he leaves office, he'll go back to Halliburton and get more millions through government contracts. That piece made me chuckle, Jamie.

[dessertsfirst]

Jamie: Wonderful!!

[strangerinthenight]

I was so bored with the other threads, but is priceless. What about a letter to Mr. Paulson.

[MissKaren]

Dee lish. I loved it.

Please cook up a response for Monica Goodling.

[KO4Pres]

Priceless!! :)

[ObjectiveRealist]

All that satire is supposed to be.

[PhilipTaylor]

Dear Bush-Cheney Administration:

On Change . gov the Obama website the #1 Question asked by over 22,000 people was:

"Will you appoint a Special Prosecutor (ideally Patrick Fitzgerald) to independently investigate the gravest crimes of the Bush Administration, including torture and warrantless wiretapping?"

The Answer was by Vice President-elect Biden, 12/21/08: "[T]he questions of whether or not a criminal act has been committed or a very, very, very bad judgment has been engaged in is"is something the Justice Department decides. Barack Obama and I are"President-elect Obama and I are not sitting thinking about the past. We"re focusing on the future¦ I"m not ruling [prosecution] in and not ruling it out. I just think we should look forward. I think we should be looking forward, not backwards."

This is too vague!
__________________________________

Without FEAR then CORRUPTION and GREED Continue to RULE!

SIMPLE FACTS OF LIFE:

EDUCATION and REGULATIONS can prevent GREED and CORRUTPION!

If GREED is > FEAR then GREED and CORRUPTION WIN and will continue!

If FEAR is > GREED then GREED and CORRUPTION are CONTROLLED and stopped!

Investigation and prosecution for ACTUAL CRIMES is the MOST VALUABLE INSURANCE AMERICA has to prevent GREED and CORRUPTION from RUNNING OUR SOCIETY.

Clearly, over 22,000 Americans (#1 Question supported) also think so!

[truthglow]

I was one of those 22,000 Americans.

Obama Administration: PLEASE REMEMBER:

"Those who fail to heed the lessons of the past, are doomed to repeat it!"

[rnelsonbrown]

Tickled!

[lovethehuff]

Fantastic!