"Words! Words! Words!
I'm so sick of words!
I get words all day through;
First from him, now from you!
Is that all you blighters can do?"
Sometimes I know exactly how Eliza Doolittle felt when she sang those lyrics in "My Fair Lady." How appropriate the song's title, "Show Me," is.
How is it possible that some people's actions can seem to be so out of alignment with their words? I'll think that and then I'll remember that I am not here to judge anyone else but to live my life in alignment with what I believe to be true.
Since I began writing my blog, many people have been asking me what I mean when I talk about love. I see love as a verb. For me, that means making sure my actions match not only my intentions but also, to the best of my ability, what I say. For example, I just returned from a trip abroad. While I was gone, I let a friend of mine, who himself is in the love arena, house-sit. Yesterday, my housekeeper told me (rather sheepishly) that my guest had left what she considered a very inconsiderate mess for her to handle. I won't go into the details, but for me, love takes other people into consideration, no matter what their station in life.
It's pretty interesting that I had just relearned that lesson for myself. On my trip, we visited several different foreign countries and saw many different cultures. At first, I found myself wanting to apply my standards to the people in a third-world country where my idea of cleanliness was challenged. But I soon realized that my behavior was putting a block between me and the people I met. When I acknowledged my arrogance and let go of my righteousness, I found my love flowing again, despite cleanliness levels, smells or hygiene.
The truth be told, at times it was very hard to stomach, if you know what I mean, but I had made a commitment to myself to make nothing more important than loving..
I continued my learning that love is not static but rather an action to be taken. Sometimes the action is limiting, like how loving myself precludes me from eating this fried doughnut right now. And sometimes love is expanding, like understanding when someone you care about deeply is working through an issue that doesn't have anything to do with you and needs space to sort out his life. If you really love him, you need give him all the space he needs, no matter how difficult that may be for you. But by taking care and loving yourself, you can create an overflow of that love so there isn't anything lacking in your life.
As I watch all of the doom, gloom and puffery during this political season, I understand that it's my responsibility to do all I can in my world to make it as loving as possible and to demonstrate that loving through action. It is my job to be kind to those in my sphere and to take care of those who come into my line of sight (if it is for their benefit and doesn't hurt me to do so). I remind myself to keep a higher perspective, knowing that right now, people are hurting, afraid and in reaction.
At the very least, I can offer myself as a safe place, a sounding board that does not make them feel wrong or bad or stupid but may be able to shine a light on more effective ways for them to get what they are looking for, or a place of just comfort and understanding.
Everyone needs to know that they are loved and listened to, no matter who they are or what their circumstance.
As Eliza sang, "Don't talk of love. Show me!"
Debbie Robins: CEOs: Here's One 4-Letter Word You Need to Start Using
Anne Naylor: The Power of Expressing Your Love
Dr. Cara Barker: Love Is Not a Spectator Sport
Jason Mannino: The Power of Love Through Song: It Gets Better
I loved that you raises the subject and because I know you you raise the bar of loving as well
love you
xox
Agapi
It is so true that we often take for granted those for whom we declare the most "love."
Is it because we feel so secure in that love that we don't make the effort?
Is it that narcissism is becoming so accepted, and that "self" overrides all else?
Reflecting on those questions may help us all to look at our behavior and act more loving and less selfishly.
Bring British, we are not great expressers of love in an open way. Giving my Mum hugs and telling her: I love you, is a very beautiful action that I am experiencing. And I am loving being able to assist them with some of the tasks they find hard just now.
There are moments when my patience is stretched. And so far I am still coming back to the loving, no matter what. It is a wonderful and healing discipline.
Blessings to you,
Anne
His capable hands offer such security and empower empathy , yet , we are so ( as my 7 year old says) "awkward " . THis is love in action and shared . Touch those you love and care for as often as you can !!
So - what if you've realized that this man who "needs space" is actually a narcissist and is incapable of loving you back? I agree that you can still love him even knowing what he is, but it's also time to move on if you really want to co-create a true loving relationship with a partner who is capable of love.
I wrote "But by taking care and loving yourself, you can create an overflow..........".As part of taking care of oneself and loving oneself I considered that real introspection would take place and as a process of that if the other person is a narcissist that might become clearer. I will be writing another blog about feelings of "loveableness" which might make more sense. Nevertheless, loving still is the answer, the amount of space may be different....haha.
I love my family, my friends, a beautiful day, rain or shine, most music, soccer ("futbol"), good food and great conversation. Hygiene or lack thereof is not on the list of items that evoke strong emotions. Though I do love coming in from the garden with dirt on my knees and under my fingernails.
read it again. Very bad hygiene could challenge many people's behavior, perhaps causing them to run out with their hands over their noses. What tool would you use to move back into being present and staying there with them? Loving.
And re doughnuts, don't you think that loving is a crucial tool to use to cause yourself to move away from them?
It works for me, and these are examples of ways that loving matters and makes a difference in your life and the lives of others that are much less obvious than the overt ones.
I loved her blog.
We can all do our part despite what is going on around us. Act in love. Let your friends and family know you care by your actions. They will really appreciate it - a real win-win.
When we become aware that we can choose to be patient, loving, and kind - to ourselves and to others - we start a ripple of goodwill that deeply affects everyone around us. So go in peace; shine your light.
http://www.BouncingBackNow.com
That said, I don't think it's very loving to bash your friend, the person you "let" housesit, by broadcasting his mistakes on your blog as a "bad" example. How kind is that? Is that really a productive way to nurture a friend? Or your friendship? As if he doesn't know he's the one who house sat for you?
Stephen Covey sites an encounter with a client who asks what he should do about his marriage. He says that he’s tried everything, but there’s no love left between them.
“My wife and I don’t have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I don’t love her anymore. And she doesn’t love me. What do you suggest?”
Covey said, “Love her.”
And the husband said, “You don’t understand. The love isn’t there anymore. My wife doesn’t feel it. I don’t feel it.”
And Covey looked at him again and said, “That’s why you need to love her. If the feeling isn’t there, that’s a good reason to love her.”
“My friend,” Covey said, “love is a verb. The feeling is a fruit of love, the verb. Love her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?"
Just my opinion. Like I said, I think Stephen Covey wrote brilliantly on this topic, so maybe I've set the bar too high.