I live in Beverly Hills, California where looking good is the number one pastime. I can't imagine a place where more money is spent on hair, makeup, nails and clothing, and that's just on pets. Seriously, though, the amount of time, effort and treasure put into our outsides is nothing short of astounding. That's why when I read Sunny Gold's recent piece called, "We Don't Just Need A Body Image Revolution, We Need An 'Aging Image' One!," I had to smile. Sunny is a beautiful young woman who is looking inward instead of outward to change a woman's image. Her focus is on the beauty of meaning.
The same is true for Arianna Huffington, who leads the charge of many causes, including one for natural beauty, and looking deeper than the surface of her latest wrinkle. Her focus is on the beauty of meaning.
As one who has overcome an eating disorder, I have had to recognize that I was so much more than a body. I had to find my connection to something from deep within if I was going to flourish. As long as I continued to look outside for self-validation and therefore meaning, not only was I at the mercy of others, the fickleness of taste and changing tide of trends, but also without a compass by which to steer.
Like so many of us, I had done everything and anything I could to distract myself from myself. We use addictions, compulsions, TV, work and yes, even wrinkles. We'll try anything to distract ourselves, because if we don't, we come face to face with not only our being alone, but also our fear that we are somehow impotent and therefore incapable of making things any better. We become stuck in the mud or our own helplessness (the wrinkles) and hopelessness (ridiculously expensive potions that don't work or Botox).
Here are three suggestions that helped me to find meaning inside and escape the tyranny of wrinkles (think Sharpe):
1. There is nothing wrong with me. Each and every one of us is not only unique; we also possess everything we need to make a success out of our lives. I know it may not always appear that way, but to think otherwise is to believe that God plays favorites, giving some "lucky" souls more than they can use and others, less than they need. It also feeds beliefs of hopelessness, helplessness and victimhood.
The truth of our strength is in what we have already overcome and that we are searching for new and better ways to manage our lives. You have already taken the first steps (which are always the most difficult) by reading this far and not giving up. The next step is just one more step and the one following that. In fact, right now is probably a great time to celebrate your last victory, no matter how long ago or recent, by doing something nice and healthy for yourself.
2. My body is not my enemy -- it is my teacher. Your body is invariably right and will tell you what is right for you, as long as you are willing to listen. The next time that little voice that is trying its best to move you in a more healthy direction speaks, pay attention. In fact, I found out that the more attention I paid to it, the more it offered great suggestions at exactly the right time.
3. What we fight holds on tight. As the Borg from Star Trek have told us on many occasions, "Resistance is futile." Our minds are put together in such a way that what we pay attention to, it pays attention to, positive or negative. If we focus on the positive, so does it. If we focus on the negative, so does it. The choice is fully ours.
For those of you who use affirmations (or are planning to), I offer the following hint: Always state them positively, as in "I am growing more healthy everyday," instead of "I will no longer eat unhealthy foods." Accentuate the positive. Eliminate the negative. Latch on to the affirmative. And don't mess with Mister-In-between.
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Powerful.
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wants, or allowing her whining to control our adult decisions. There is a middle ground between total acceptance and demonization. Love is almost certainly the better place to start...but remember that our emotions can be like a beloved pet or child. Our hearts rebel against discipline, but needs it like roses need rain. There is nothing more horrific than a spoiled child who controls the home--in her heart, she knows she is in danger if her parents cannot control her. And so are we, without both deep love and strong clear vision: are our actions really in alignment with our deepest goals and values? If not, pain is appropriate. But always, always, there must be love.
www.realherosjourney.com
I remember my mother saying to me that I would never amount to anything and was nothing but a "millstone" around her neck....LOL. Imagine what words like that would do to a young boy who had no clue to his "identity". Well, I fooled her....I became a Physical Therapist and spent 25 years helping others regain their lives....and she never ever told me how proud she was of me. LOL. Once you learn to love yourself though..you may find it's a lonely place...like the song says. Suddenly you see your worth as a human being and you just simply will not tolerate ANYONE who cannot see that also.
While I think affirmations work for some people I think the best course to appreciating and respecting our bodies is by other means besides just talk. Personally, I'm fine with me but that's only because I know I'm always open for and unafraid of improvement. In other words, I do not feel trapped.
Good article. We all have our own route to confidence and security. Interesting to read yours. :)
"Besides just talk" is what I want to address. I am including affirmations as positive focus which for me is followed by physical action. if I want to get healthy, I focus my thoughts on being healthy and also do those things necessary to get me there.
Thanks for sharing. Jan
Tuli Kupferberg:
When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.
I love your quote "When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge."
Hugs Jan
“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who cans no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.†By Albert Einstein
.Albert Einstein, was SPIRITUAL MAN ,so he discovered the mysterious.This happened to every inventor, poet, writer , scientist,who propounded any great deed but not all are like Albert Einstein, who knew , how his inner powers are to be utilized, using the SPIRITUALITY. YOGA , was a tool, developed by GREAT ANCIANT SCIENISTS, called “Rishis/Maharishis for it. Every scientist needs CONCENTRATION for his research work. How would you concentrate with out knowing the exact method of attaining CONCENTRATION? It is in spiritual scriptures of “ASTANG YOGAâ€.
As a scientist, don’t be trendy, apply your x, y method of science to realize GOD, if failed to realize, then go to a YOGI, make a belief in his “ METHOD OF YOGA “. If you don’t realize GOD, after applying the “ Method Of Yoga “,only then have a disbelief in GOD.Spirituality is not based on BELIEF/FAITH but the scientists have to follow & believe on " METHOD OF SPIRITUALITY" ,otherwise "Method Of Science" would be called " METHOD OF NON-SCIENCE".
Fantastic work with your blogs. You are walking the walk, girl. You've gone through it and come out the other side and now you're really helping others, me included, and I'm sure helping yourself at the same time. Wonderful win-win all around.
much love to you always, Georgea
There I stood in that doorway, and time and space faded away. Footsteps grew quiet, as I began my diet of internal eternal stew, that self-rejuvenating brew.
(Smile in loving acceptance of all)
Blessings to you, Jan
If I were to disclose my name, I would have to tell so much more. I already know, those details are unimportant to anyone beyond those who need to know. I have my own internal Madison Avenue; I condemned the entire street and tore down any statues erected to the greatness of me, in the park of my mind, long ago. A rose by any other name is a rose, and so it is for the thorn, the black soil, the sun, the rain, it is all the same. Call me Tigger. Hooo-hooo-hoo-hoooooooooo! Call me a grain of sand on a very populated beach that came to know that all while being an insignificant grain of sand…he was also the universe by the potential, by the experience, by the realization, by the life, love, and death. I am what I am said Popeye. I cannot be what I am not. What I am not is interested in recognition. I was allowed a brief moment to pause and think. My time spent here is part of that moment. The words, the words have always flowed. Well written or not, well-informed or not, I engaged in contemplation from the earliest moments on, of some form or another. The words above were conceived by me. If they have value – that is good, that is all the reward necessary. It is this need for recognition that drives the external race -- to the bottom.
Loving humility
"There is nothing wrong with me "
If I had a dime for each time I told myself the opposite I'd be able to retire.
Thanks for the great insight and helpful tips Jan.
Ah, your sign in name is "Fattax" is that a positive or negative thought? For me to use it, it would have to have a positive thought meaning. I would read it as I was in the top 1% of the earners in the USA and therefore was so abundant that I could pay fat taxes without any concerns. What is your meaning................more fun. Here is to your new self talk so you can retire on the positive self talk......hugs, Jan
Just read your post and I started laughing I knew an ex hairdresser in Beverly Hills who bought a mobile home and he changed it into a dog hair salon. He trimmed and washed all the dogs in Beverly hills and made a fortune.
Today I was sitting at the local cafe having coffee and it was like a fashion show at 10am in the morning it was fascinating viewing I heard remarks of envy, critiscm etc.
I sat back and observed and realised how far I had come not needing anymore the validation of the world to feel good. I have built a strong inner foundation knowing that I am more than meets the eye.
love to you. Nathalie