As I have shared before, I've maintained a 200-pound weight loss for over a decade. Self-awareness of my patterns has been one of the most important tools I have used to keep me slim. When I find myself engaging in chaotic eating, I start to free-form write daily in an attempt to discover what is eating me. I usually uncover a new level or layer of denial that I wasn't conscious of or hadn't wanted to face before and which often was somehow undermining my sense of self-respect.
Self-respect is a really interesting thing. Respect comes from holding something in high regard. So while I may have moved beyond the need for everyone else's approval for the things I do, having my own respect is important. So what gets in the way?
All of us have core issues that we get to struggle with throughout our lives and some of us use self-destructive coping mechanisms in our struggle. Mine is/was binge eating. When I am eating inappropriately I now take it as a clue -- a message from my angel at the gate -- that I am not congruent with myself. By that I mean that what I am feeling, what I am telling myself and the way I am behaving -- essentially, what is going on with me -- are somehow at odds with one another. There's a disturbance going on somewhere inside me, but I'm telling myself it's OK and then behaving as if it's OK or as if nothing out of line is really going on.
What I'm really doing is pretending it's OK. After all, it should be OK and I really want it to be OK, so it must be OK. This little dance occurs when my ego has a real, vested interest in the outcome. There's that master addiction we call control at work again. If it's not what I want, at least I can pretend it is. And oh how I don't want to see or feel at that particular moment the truth of what I really do see, or feel, or think.
But why? Among other things, the ego is responsible for self-preservation, and it takes that particular job very seriously. And at their very heart, core issues and self-preservation are quite closely linked. Although the exact triggers are sometimes extremely difficult to identify, one thing is for certain: when the ego comes into conflict with reality, it is much more likely to put up a fight than to give in. The more basic the issue, the bigger the fight. The larger a stake you think you have in the outcome, the more denial. The more emotional the issue, the easier it is to play "Let's Pretend."
I've written a lot in my blogs about the importance of self-loving in helping me to first realize what is going on in these situations and then in being able to do something about it. I've reached the point of self-awareness where my coping mechanisms no longer work. By that I mean they no longer numb the anxiety or provide the protective armor. What they have morphed into is a kind of warning mechanism that alerts me to the underlying problem. If I continue to eat, my self-respect takes a real hit. If I get it under control and begin to deal with what is really troubling me, it rises back up.
As I become more and more aware of how this process works, I find that I spend much less time fooling myself with the coping mechanism and more time loving myself by working on the underlying issues and supporting my true me. This has become far more important than propping up the imposter who used to rule the roost and every once in a while still comes out to play.
I highly recommend the process. Instead of using your coping mechanisms to mask what's going on underneath, why not use them as an early warning system that something is going on and begin to take a look under the hood? I think you'll find that by doing so you will not only recognize the destructive behavior earlier, but also be able to begin the healing sooner. As a result, you will find yourself back in alignment, feel better about yourself and return to being that beacon of light you were always meant to be.
I look forward to continued opportunities to reason from reality when it comes to food.
You didn't mention how out of balance your eating is and how it is impacting the rest of your life. It might just be an attitude adjustment with the problem or finding a new coping mechanism or if it's a major problem or coping mechanism, more than a quick answer in a blog. all the best Jan
Right now you look at this situation, whatever it may be, and you say "that's a problem." And you get stressed and eat, yes?
It's hard to relay what I mean without knowing what the specific circumstance is that you're talking about, but let's assume it's something that is truly not under your control. The first thing to do is accept that it's not under your control. That relieves you of any feeling that you should be "doing something" to "fix" it, because if it's not under your control, let's face it, there's nothing you CAN do.
The second thing is to look at the ways in which this circumstance causes friction between your life as it is and your life as you want it to be. Then take that ideal, the life you want, and figure out how to get it in ways that ARE under your control. Forget about the circumstance you can't change, and come into alignment with that better life from another direction.
Again, it's hard without knowing what specific thing you're talking about, but focusing on the problem you're powerless to change just reinforces in your mind that you're powerless to change it, and, by extension, to achieve a life that has the quality of life you associate with NOT having the problem.
A process I use in mentoring clients is this: what about this situation bothers you the most? When you identify what the problem is you see in others or in the unfairness of the situation, look to find how you do that in your life, probably in a totally other area. For instance, one lady was frustrated when her kid took extremely long showers. What bothered her the most, tho, was that he got himselff off track and late because of what she considered an indulgence. When she looked in her life at where she was getting off-track or late by indulging herself, she found a few things she could change.
Oddly, when you change these things in your life, I've seen the situation you can't control change, too, sometimes overnight.
"If you feel like eating -take a walk"
Every expert seems to assume that simple behavior modification is all that is needed to change eating behaviors that have been in place for a lifetime.
I totally love this and would welcome far more articles like this. Metaphorically speaking, let’s avoid developing a new diet to combat eating and deal with what’s making us eat in the first place!
Thanks Jan!
Craig Ing
www.craiging.com
www.blog.craiging.com
Thanks for this.
"A habit is only something that you are unaware of, as soon as you become aware of it, it is no longer a habit... it is a choice! " ~Bashar
We need rituals to keep us working on our expansion daily. We must do things that promote awareness and do them each and every day. We have to stop looking at personal development as something that is done over a long period of time!
It happens NOW, in each and every moment. We must ALWAYS be aware of what we are thinking and feeling. We have to stop letting our thoughts and emotions run a muck and control us. We have to stop REACTING emotionally to situations. WE are the center of our own power. WE decide what thoughts and emotions that we wish to experience. WE decide how we are going to feel in each moment. We shouldn't allow the circumstances to decide our state of emotional being.
"Circumstances do not matter! Only state of being matters." ~Bashar
More info about rituals that hold us in awareness at: http://www.michaelstagg.com/2011/04/01/personal-development-plan-sample-put-a-personal-development-plan-sample-into-action-today/
I know that some people believe that we become our survival patterns (as in, for instance, "I've become a food addict because when I'm in my survival pattern, I eat inappropriately"), but I believe most of us are just wounded people, who, under stress, reach for, or revert to, something we've learned to believe will get us through.
But we are so much more than our survival patterns make us seem. And the way we show that to ourselves in in doing exactly as you do, Jan--use the move in that direction as a sign that something's up... something's afoot. And by staying awake, and willing to really look at what's going on, we make progress.
When we do, we can work to throw off the issues that led us to our patterns to begin with, like throwing off heavy coats that we've heaped on ourselves for lack of any better understood way of dealing. How beautiful to throw off that final heavy coat and smile in the sunshine, free, and fully able to be who we really are!
Much love to you,
Anastacia
But, at least for me, oh so hard to do.