I'm one of those people who knock the holiday season as commercial and overdone. I complain about the music, the crowds, and the expectations. Yet secretly, underneath all of this angst, is a sentimentality that's more maudlin than a Hallmark commercial and more heart-rending than a Walton's Christmas special. The site of children dressed in velvet and shiny shoes makes me teary-eyed, and not just because I'm remembering the blisters and itches of my own childhood. Modern-day Rockwell scenes of family togetherness make me feel sappy and then, of course, there are animated Coca-Cola commercials, Budweiser horses, and Hermey the misfit, Ted Koppel-looking elf who really wants to be a dentist. What kind of heartless Grinch would I be if couldn't cry over the plight of Rudolph and his misfit friend?
During this season, it doesn't matter that I'm not Christian. There are two sides to Christmas - one that's religious and another that's about pushing every mushy, maudlin button a person of any religion (or even none) can have. Clearly, I'm a sucker for the latter category. Smiling polar bears and dancing penguins just make me happy.
The downside to all this open-hearted December button-pushing is that it leaves many of us feeling over-sensitive. The joy of one thing, such as family togetherness, can be easily marred by a stray comment or slight misunderstanding, which, at any other time of the year, wouldn't be taken to heart quite as much. Then there are those without families -- or with families whose dysfunctions have made togetherness impossible -- who feel particularly pained at being on the outside, looking in on comfortable other-family scenes that they've never known for themselves.
In the interest of keeping the holidays happy and as free from angst as possible, I offer up these five suggestions:
- During holiday get-togethers, don't bring up something from the past unless it's pleasant. This just isn't the time to remind family and friends and of their failures, embarrassments, or shortcomings. Be gentle with others and if you need to, remind them that you'd like to be treated gently, too.
Lastly, no matter what the head elf says, you don't have to spend your life doing things that aren't in your heart to do. Whether you want to be a dentist, a wanderer, a lover, or a writer ... all things are possible.
I wish you all a kind, happy, loving, and beautifully easy holiday season.
Jane Devin is on a year-long writing journey which can be followed at findingmyamerica.com.