This Isn't About Michael Jackson
After Michael Jackson died, all the usual suspects came out of the woodwork to inflame, speculate, accuse, defend, and memorialize. Media vultures like Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Gloria Allred took their well-worn places, along with ex-attorneys, autopsy specialists, and professional pundits. Hundreds of thousands of Jackson's fans filled the internet with glowing praise and sad goodbyes. A handful of people questioned the lofty praise being heaped upon a man based almost wholly on his entertainment value rather than the whole of his character, which was, at best disturbing.
At my neighborhood coffee shop, the young barista was crying as she wrote a Michael Jackson trivia question on the chalkboard. She was upset that other people were not sharing her sense of loss. "He wasn't a child molester," she said to me vehemently. "All those people, they just lied to get money. He was found innocent." I asked her how she would feel if a man in her neighborhood regularly invited pubescent boys to sleep in his bedroom -- would she give the same benefit of the doubt to him?
She defended Jackson by citing his lost childhood, his purportedly abusive father, his inability to escape the chokehold of fame and its attending entourage of shady people. My question wasn't answered, but the implication was obvious -- Michael Jackson wasn't just a man, but an icon. A disfigured Peter Pan whose existence was warped in pain and wrapped in love. Someone so ethereal that he couldn't possibly be expected to be bound by earthly rules.
I've known many adult survivors of childhood abuse, and even extreme poverty, who didn't suffer the chokehold of fame, but rather the crush of invisibility. Their lives as children, coming home to molesters and abusers, or rundown apartments with empty cupboards and absent parents, was surreal. They watched the world as it existed outside their immediate boundaries, and couldn't grasp the reasons for the disparity or the divide. They felt inferior, ashamed, and largely disconnected.
Most survivors entered adulthood with striking disadvantages, and far fewer resources than average, leaving them to hardscrabble their way through college or the workforce, expanding their sense of being set-apart. The gritty details of their childhoods were not memories they could casually share as others did. Instead of their feeling of "different" being lessened as an adult, it was heightened by the stories told by peers. Happy tales of close families, holiday dinners, camping trips, and other fond memories can evoke a range of responses in those who were abused or neglected as children, but most often they hit a tender spot. . . an aching space left behind by the child whose prayers and wishes went unanswered, but who never stopped hoping.
Yet, unlike Michael, most survivors of childhood abuse and neglect could not build Neverland-like sanctuaries in an attempt to relive their childhoods, or to assuage the growing pains of adulthood. Some survivors, like Michael, had a difficult time being "normal" and were ostracized or labeled as freaks, adding more trauma to an already challenging life. Yet there were no walls they could hide behind -- no team or staff they could call upon for protection -- and most of all, there were no acceptable excuses.
Get over it, get on with it, leave the past behind, think positive, it's not what others do to you it's how you choose to feel about it, lift yourself up, be strong, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. . .
There are thousands of bromides spoken in the direction of everyday survivors, but there's very little real interest or understanding shown in their lives, their struggles, or their sense of outsidedness. The few stories told about their otherworldly existences are those that have big, splashy, feel-good endings.
Success-against-all-odds stories are popular, but in reality they are rare. Unfortunately, the pervasive messages in such stories leaves society with less understanding of lives on the periphery, not more. And, of course, more bromides follow -- if you want something bad enough it will be yours, if you try hard enough you will succeed, no one but you can stand in the way of your dreams.
The actual successes of most adult survivors tend to be much quieter, far less grand, more challenging, and many times more excruciating than the stories or the aphorisms tell.
Talent, charisma, opportunity, education, circumstances, looks, connections, resources, personality, geography -- these are just a few of the factors that can effect any person's success. Adult survivors often start at a deficit in a few different categories, and it can take years to catch up. For instance, I saw a young woman the other day, about 19, who had terrible teeth. The damage was so pervasive that it could only be attributed to years of childhood neglect. I had a flashback to one boss of mine turning an otherwise qualified candidate away because of her mangled smile. He said, "if she can't take care of her teeth, how can I expect her to take care of my business?" I could only wonder about the number of social and employment opportunities this young woman would miss, and the vicious circle she might face -- the inability to get a higher paying job due to her appearance, leading to not being able to afford the dental work she needs to look more presentable.
Many such circles exist, especially in poverty. The poor pay more for everything from their power deposits, to phones, to the car tires they have to put on buy here-pay here credit. A minor crisis, such as a broken arm or blown transmission, can set off a chain of events with months-long, even years-long, consequences.
I understand having sympathy for Michael Jackson -- not because he was an entertainer, but because he was a human being who was obviously troubled and in need of help he never received. I believe his story speaks to so many things that should be more vigorously questioned than they are. Should public figures, especially when they are minors, have the same right as non-public others to a reasonable amount of personal space -- should California's proposed "buffer zone" law be adopted nationally? Should sexual molestation cases involving children be allowed to be settled privately? How much non-material privilege should wealth be able to buy? Should parents of non-biological test-tube and surrogate babies be screened as adoptive parents are?
On a more personal level, what is to be said about parents who knowingly let their children sleep in the same room as an adult male because he was famous? What about America's seemingly incessant hunger for sensational (and often untrue) tabloid stories?
Lastly, why is it that so many in society will extend empathy to the famous that they wouldn't extend to others? Why do we so often scramble to make excuses or provide justification for the bad acts of celebrities when we wouldn't do the same for our neighbors?
Michael Jackson will remain an icon, likely for decades after his death, just as Elvis Presley did. His albums are now topping the Billboard charts again, and his music and his style of dance will live on in many tributes, to be revered and copied by at least another generation. He was, without question, an extraordinary talent.
My question is, how extraordinary are we as a society? And if we're not as outstanding as we know we should be -- if we are not seeking to give our best thoughts, empathy, and support to every deserving human being, regardless of their wealth or fame -- then shouldn't we try a little harder?
Follow Jane Devin on Twitter: www.twitter.com/janedevin
Loading comments…
Want to reply to a comment? Hint: Click "Reply" at the bottom of the comment; after being approved your comment will appear directly underneath the comment you replied to
As usual Jane, you hit the nail.
Ms. Devin !!
Thank You For an Honest Insight to this circus and all that goes with it !!!!!
DavidATolucaLake - I personally have never created a bond with someone I never met. I have been a fan of some entertainers, but I would never go so far as to call it a bond. I believe your neighbor probably could entertain you and bring you joy, and probably wouldn't at the same time ask if your small child could spend the night with him.
It is truly disturbing how some people believe that just because a person achieves fame they are a decent human being. If you had a "bond" with another real life person, not a person you only see in videos or hear on recordings, would you downplay their personal problems and criminal acts? I think not, but then, they are not famous. They are just ordinary, hard working, and decent.
First of all, zagyzebra, why when someone like you tries to make a point, do you preface it with "I'm sorry" - I have never understood why someone does that. If you believe in what you are saying, why would you be sorry for it?
Most importantly though, this article is exactly correct. Michael Jackson is not even relevant these days. And in the video that is now on every single news show, even though I'm sure there are missing children and murders being committed and people in need, we are looking at a video of a drug abuser two days before his death and being told to believe he was healthy. Look at the video - he doesn't move like he used to, he is slow, he is surrounded by other dancers this time to take focus off of him.
Your article is excellent, and I only wish more people would open their eyes and, instead of idolizing the dead until now dismissed celebrity, focus on the person next to them, not the person they never knew.
I wasn't going to comment because I thought the writer articulated so well what no doubt other people are wondering, but then I read zagyzebra and DavidAToluca's comments and wondered how they could so miss the point.
This isn't about Michael Jackson! That was the title, and if you read the article the point wasn't that Michael wasn't fabulously talented, or shouldn't be mourned, it was about US, as a society, and the way we often don't extend empathy to non-famous, but "deserving others".
It was about the way our society buys up tabloids and gossip rags, looking for any juicy celebrity tidbit... even if not true, but how we take only passing interest in more pressing issues, like abused children and children living in poverty.
The writer asks whether papparazi should be allowed to stalk celebrities, especially when they're minors, and she asks whether test-tube and surrogate adoptions should be screened. She asks us to extend the same empathy to others as we have to MJ, and says "And if we're not as outstanding as we know we should be -- if we are not seeking to give our best thoughts, empathy, and support to every deserving human being, regardless of their wealth or fame -- then shouldn't we try a little harder?"
Jane Devin asked some great questions. It's unfortunate that some people can't see beyond the fog of fame to see them...whi
I'm sorry, but despite all the accolades you have received for this post, I think you've failed to get the point. Fans are not just mourning the loss of Michael Jackson, but are also mourning the fact that we will not be treated to any new and brilliant MJ entertainm
The childhood survivors of abuse you refer to, I'm sorry, but they didn't move us for hours, days, weeks, month on end with music and video, fashion and dance, lyrics and beat and rhythm, etc.
Plus, the fact that you're challenging a sorrowful barista about the rationality of her own personal feelings indicates to me bad karmic judgmentalism on your part.
Snce HPO has refused to allow any of my comments regarding this article through, even though they are not off topic or incendiary, I am going to just say that I agree with your comment.
He was an entertainer, not a spiritual leader. Surely you have something more real in your life than a singer/actor no matter how talented he was. He still was what he was.
I have my own opinion about MJ. Its complex and it spans only 25 years, not 40. I am also a parent since 1992.
I would have believed him if he made a public statement (in 1992/93) saying that he understood why people would think he did what he was accused of because his sleeping habits with other people's kids is abnormal and taboo. He should have said that children are the most important thing in people's lives and something would be wrong with a parent that didn't have a doubt about his innocence. He should have said that he was done having sleepovers and he would be more conscious about what is acceptable from now on.
But no. More accusations happened years later and then the Matin Basir interview where he admitted to STILL sleeping with people's kids. I loved Thriller. He's the greatest dancer on earth but I cant defend him anymore. That's HIS fault for still continuing sleepovers and setting himself up again. What are we supposed to think now?
Certain artists bring joy to people's lives.
Does your neighbor do that for you???
Some artists have given their 'fans" decades of enjoyment with their art, or music.
A bond is created, which in some cases will help them downplay an aritst's personal life problems.
An excellent article. Very well said. Thank you.
Well said! I remember the hysteria surrounding Princess Di when she died and the subsequent revelations that cast doubt on her judgement and "saintly" status. The same will happen with MJ in a few years when he is seen for what he was - talented ( but there are a multitude of talents out there just waiting ...) and seriously flawed not saintly or other worldly.
Sainty and otherwordly? Most of the comments and articles I have read have hardly seen him as a saint. Outrageous statements have been made, which are negated the next day by yet more outrageous statements. Hard to know what the truth is regarding this unusual and gifted individual. I was not a fan of his work, but I think his impulse was to do good in the world, and I prefer to see him in that light.
Thank you for this post Jane. Reading the comments from his fans, I was feeling as though I was living in a Twilight Zone episode.
I am so relieved that someone sees this for what it is...MJ was a very troubled man --- yes, VERY talented a while back --- yet, he was someone who acquired a huge amount of fame and excess and behaved strangely as a result. I can't help but wonder how many people who defend him and his inappropriate acts with young boys would allow their own children to share a bed with a celebrity for money or whatever else they got from them. I blame the parents of those children for what happened to them. MJ was widely known to be odd...just look at his nose and skin color, or lack thereof! Who places their child in the home of a man who had a pet chimp named Bubbles, a child nicknamed Blanket and who calls himself Peter Pan? Toooooo weird! (OK, maybe Blanket came later, but it just proves my point.) I think that people in our society are so star struck and idolize those with fame so much that they do not see these famous oddities for who they truly are....oft
sorry.....
This is the bes,t most objective piece, written on the subject.
Thank you for this. You described the experience of being apart so perfectly. I went through this and what I remember most from those painful times was how mean and dismissive some people can be, how it hurts to be treated like you have no feelings because you are "weird." But now what I remember even more is how kind and wonderful some other people were. I remember every single person who ever said a kind word, even a stranger. If only they could know what a difference they made.
This experience made me resolve to try to say an encouraging whenever possible to people. Or even just to give them the respect of paying attention or a smile on the street. It's like if a person says something kind, you start looking around for other reasons to have hope and then you can gradually start to break out of the difficult cycle that you describe.
Also, like you said, people don't have to say "be positive" and "get over it." Just showing a little understanding helps. You can be sad or feel "damaged" and such, but still move forward with your goals. You can still be happy even if you are sad. It's like we are all afraid of feelings like sadness and anger, but these feelings can be handled with thoughtfulness and care instead of all this hysteria and thoughtlessness we are all surrounded by.
Great post! Hope you write more!
You must be logged in to comment. Log in or connect with
