Sorry for the tardiness! On last week's very special Project Runway for "normal people," we learn that fashion is all about "loving yourself." I've always thought fashion was all about trying something on two sizes too small and then throwing your back out when it gets stuck on you in the dressing room and you have to struggle out of it. Anyone? No?
So, what happened the week before? Well, mostly I decided to go out to dinner and split a bottle of wine before watching Project Runway and boldly/lazily decided I didn't need any notes. But, it turns out -- as you'll see - that it was a prescient rather than drunken move, because that episode kind of didn't matter. Anyway, this week I am 110 percent SOBER and watching alone, and we start off with the same old boring NY shot, and some designers lamenting the departure of last week's loser -- in this case, the curvaceous Chris.
Heidi (still not pregnant!) comes out and introduces the models...and out parade Normal Women, in giant outfits. Must the shades of couture be thus polluted? Where are the fashion police?
Heidi explains: "Designers, as you can see, these are your models. As you can see, their clothes don't fit...because each of them has lost a significant amount of weight. The clothing they are wearing are their favorite outfits, pre-transformation."
The women then go around and say how much weight they've lost -- in some cases over 100 lbs. The designers and Heidi all look fascinated/impressed/repulsed. Most of the designers seem excited about making over these women, who definitely deserve it. Yet Christian, or as I like to call him, Andy Dick, is repulsed by this challenge. He really is a snobby, little 21-year-old and Dr. McGivney prescribes 10 slaps in the face.
The challenge is to use their "favorite" old clothes as raw material for an outfit. I'd just like to say that I think if you weigh 300 pounds you probably don't have a lot of fashion choices -- I mean, what a coincidence - everyone's "favorite" outfit is a Land's End tunic and matching stretch pants! I'll be darned! Actually, most of the outfits are pretty basic jeans, tops, blazers, etc.
The only crazy one is a sequined and pearled WEDDING dress. No one wants the lady in the wedding dress, because how do you turn all of that DAZZLE into an "everyday" outfit? Everyday if you work in a whorehouse in the Old West, maybe. Zing! Steven winds up with the wedding dress, and says he feels like "Death On A Stick." Remember that, folks, at judging.
However, after they pick their models and meet with them, things take a sad turn. Jack, perhaps one of the most likable (and most talented!) designers ever, is more and more worried about a skin thing that he noticed at the start of the episode, which has really started to hurt. Having been HIV positive for 17 years, this is a big deal, and he might have to leave to get some aggressive treatment. Jack actually starts to cry a little bit, and the designers are all worried for him. In fact, after Jack has a sad phone call with his doctor, Tim comes into the room and takes Jack out for a talk, which the cameras do not (thank you) intrude upon. Jack returns to announce that he's leaving. Everyone cries, including myself, who is, let me remind you, watching all alone without wine or my usual TV companion, who is out gorging on pig feet. Don't ask.
For the record, I'm going to presume that Bravo will do the right thing and have Jack automatically next season. Pretty please, Heidi?
So, in order to keep the "level of competition high" (or rather, so that they can eliminate someone), they bring back old Chris. Ah, Chris. We're in need of some cheer, here. Bring back the fat one. Chris has the option of working through the night since he's getting a late start.
So essentially there aren't any surprises, except that Steven is struggling with his ivory bedazzled wedding nightmare, but that isn't even a surprise. He's just making a plain black dress and attaching the cuffs and collar to it. WITH GLUE.
Elisa is creating a puffy layered thing that Tim wants "cleaned up" and Chris is doing a sailor "inspired" dress that sounds like bad news. Tim tells Chris to make his decisions now rather than in the middle of the night, because Tim has "made more bad decisions at three o'clock in the morning than I can list." REALLY, Tim? Everyone leaves and Chris stays, alone, working. This reminds me of the few all nighters I had in college when the world goes quiet for a hour or two -- even in New York -- and you're up working, and it's just wrong.
We have our usual judges, and in addition, Patrick Robinson, the head designer of Gap.
The "normal people" then do the show. And I must say, I'm loving Kevin's the most -- that adorable fitted yellow strapless stiff tunic-top! I'm a fan. She looks amazing and it fits perfectly, I think. Chris's sailor dress depresses me, and I'm not a fan of Kit's dress either. Elisa does a poufy layered thing, with mid-calf boots! Oye, those are tough to pull off!
Steven's lady comes out in this sepulchral black shroud, with some jarring white cuffs and collar. She really looks like a maid. Luckily, one of her glued-on cuffs does not fall off.
Top 3: Christian, Kevin, and Jillian.
Losing 3: Elisa, Chris and Steven.
Elisa is criticized for not dressing her woman "classic enough", and they say it isn't "her." But honestly, how do they know what this lady's style is? Who says she isn't avant-garde?
Chris and Steven get some zingers. One M. Sassypants Kors says that Steven's dress looks like a maid. Nina says it literally went from "a wedding to a funeral." Kors amends that it looks like a "French maid at a funeral."
For Chris, Kors says "all she needs is a cigarette and a beret and it's Paris 1957...it's Shirley McClaine when she played a hooker with a heart of gold." This is why I love Michael Kors.
So, the winner is Christian, who did do an interesting black top with puffed sleeves...although I will say that all of his jackets seem kind of the same to me, and it didn't feel as well-fitted as Kevin's. Also now he needs 11 slaps in the face.
The losing spot seems to be between Steven of the wedding dress, and Chris's "Paris Hooker '50s" outfit, as Kors shortens it to.
In the end, it's farewell to Steven of the Wedding Dress of "For Better or For Worse, Except Much Worse."