Elizabeth Edwards Can't Have It Both Ways
After the disastrous book tour launch of her confessional Resilience, Elizabeth Edwards isn't going quietly into the night. Now her misguided publicists are telling the media that Edwards won't grant any interviews with reporters who mention the name of John Edwards' one-time mistress -- Rielle Hunter.
Maybe that tactic works with Angelina Jolie in empty-headed interviews about her latest refugee mission, but Edwards used to understand that professional journalists wouldn't allow her to dictate their questions. She isn't a Hollywood celeb but the wife of a one-time presidential candidate who still owes his followers some answers. Most reporters are refusing to go along.
Edwards can't have it both ways -- insisting that she won't sit back as the passive political wife and disappear, while cashing in on her family's personal crisis. Where were the fawning political handlers who once surrounded this couple, when she agreed to head off to promote this book? And what happened to the old Elizabeth Edwards who wasn't afraid to answer any question hurled at her on the campaign trail?
Watching Elizabeth Edwards in freefall -- pandering to chirpy Oprah and CNN's reptilian Larry King -- has been especially painful for me as a reporter who covered her closely for years. I interviewed Elizabeth Edwards shortly after she was diagnosed with breast cancer, and in those days she waxed poetic, quoting Emily Dickenson: "Hope is the thing with feathers/That perches in the soul." Edwards added," I've thought about that a lot lately. It's just a part of our nature to hope."
That night as I walked out of the Edwards' Georgetown townhouse with a photographer, Elizabeth was hovering over her two young children making dinner in the kitchen and John stood nearby looking bruised from their crushing defeat in 2004. "It wasn't supposed to end this way," said the photographer, as we stood in the dark rushing to crash out an exclusive cover story for People Magazine.
Flash forward nearly five years and we find Elizabeth making the rounds promoting a shallow book that only briefly touches on her husband's humiliating affair. From the voyeuristic TV interviews exploiting Edwards, viewers might imagine the book is a riveting look inside a troubled marriage. Turns out this is largely a rewrite of her earlier memoir -- Saving Graces -- but this time she mentions her poor mother's fear that her Navy pilot father had an affair at the Willard Hotel -- something that haunted Elizabeth throughout her life. She relives the awful tragedy of losing her oldest son, Wade, a wound that never healed.
Without ever naming the mistress, Hunter (aka the Huntress), Edwards only briefly recounts how the dopey would-be filmmaker told John Edwards "You're hot" as he struggled to find his footing in a second run for the presidency. Like so many others, I wondered why the tireless Elizabeth Edwards -- always ready to break into song on the press bus and travel with her young kids -- suddenly disappeared from the campaign. And there was something far less passionate about John Edwards on the stump -- the light was gone and his moment past.
When Elizabeth should have been addressing the Democratic National Convention last summer, she was in seclusion in North Carolina pounding away at the computer writing the book. She should have been in deep counseling trying to figure out how to reconstruct her own blown-up life. Hubby had taken her down with him, by remaining in the race with that looming affair in the shadows. Maybe she wants to continue punishing John Edwards -- and the rest of the country by default -- for straying.
As NYT columnist Maureen Dowd fumed, "She had put so many quarters in the shiny slot machine of their mutual ambition. It was hard to walk away." With that same headstrong ambition, Elizabeth is still determined to choreograph the ending to her own play. As she writes in Resilience, "We so desperately want a map that lays out in serene pastels the paths our lives are supposed to take that we create them, we gravitate to them, we embrace and internalize them, all to no good end....In my life the map has almost always been wrong."
But what about the kids? Why would Elizabeth Edwards allow her young daughter Emma Claire to wander with Oprah through the new 28,200-square-foot "dream house" -- including a gleaming basketball court for John? Then the happy family posed for photos, with 21-year-old daughter Cate clearly missing. Didn't Elizabeth realize that by raising the subject of her husband's affair again, it would open up another round of questions at a time when federal investigators are probing Edward's campaign records to see if the Huntress got illegal funds?
Buried inside the pages of Edward's thin, 213-page book are some clues. Years ago before she was stricken with cancer, Elizabeth -- ever the control freak, labeling even holiday ornaments -- had come up with a list of women she considered good second wife material for John when she died. As it turned out, Hunter is her polar opposite -- "This woman was different from me in nearly every way," Elizabeth screams. But later she writes that after she confronted him, John promised he "would not make the same choice in the daylight that he made in the dark."
Even as this book makes the rounds, Edwards is writing books for each of her three surviving children to remember mommy when she dies. Everything in its place. She has bought a warehouse full of furniture from High Point to open a furniture store in Chapel Hill to "be independent of him." But the couple still lives together, struggling to rearrange the furniture in their own world.
Still, Elizabeth Edwards is waiting to deliver the final verdict. "Forgiveness, I have been told, is the gift I give to him; trust he has to earn by himself," she writes. "I am not going to suggest that that process is over. It is long from being over. I am still adjusting my sails to the new wind that has blown through my life."
Let's hope the next breeze doesn't lead to another book.
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Elizabeth, my heart goes out to you but it's time to put down the sword and allow your husband to move. Your husband is a powerful man and we need him at this time. He has done a lot for the poor. Please go home and heal, get off your soapbox and retreat. Forgiveness means letting go of all the pain you experienced by your husband's behaviour. I have been married twice; both of my husbands were very well-educated, one a clinical psychologist, the other a hospital administrator and they both cheated. Most men cheat. You lived in a sheltered world, as did I. God bless you and God bless your husband. He is still a good man, who made a huge mistake which has been pastered all over the news, with your help. For now, it's time to let him be, and move on. He has his own separate purpose, separate and apart from his relationship with you. And so do you...deta
I pray for the healing of John and Elizabeth and their children.
They are a, beautifully, patriotic family, and American needs this
family to remain intact for the coming political battles.
One of those being the battle for Universal Health Care.
http://www
Cherubim, find a new star to hitch your fervent little wagon to. Ain't happening.
Ms. Podesta, I agree that Mrs. Edwards has used poor judgement by specifically requesting that the other woman's name not be mentioned in interviews. The television interviews Mrs. Edwards gave in the past couple of weeks did not sit well with me and the reason may be that she presented herself more as a celebrity than a political presence which is the gist of your article.
Thanks for a great column.
Excellent article. I used to be an admirer of Elizabeth Edwards, but now I believe she is a hypocrite. We all have losses in our lives and we all deal with them; not all of us have the luxury of writing a book to cash in on them, and that is what she has done. If was truly was resilient (what a joke), she would not have written the book, she would be able to say Reielle's name, and she would get on with her life. Last year, she begged us for privacy to resolve this; this year, she begs us to purchase a book about it. It is disgusting. And who, including Elizabeth, honestly believes this was John's first affair; it is the first to gain national attention. If EE is so responsible and caring and blah blah blah, she would insist her husband take the paternity test. And when a woman who is single handedly raising her children and dealing with illnesses and a cheating husband, who lives paycheck to paycheck, and is living in a townhome, writes a book about dealing with life's adversities, I will buy it. A woman (EE) who lives in a 28,000 square foot mansion on 100 acres who has lived a charmed life who cannot let go of the limelight has nothing to teach me.
Elizabeth Edwards is a "good person who did a bad thing." I hope her husband can find it in his heart to forgive her!
Insightful article. Addiction to the limelight is a tenacious addiction. So the book is the number one NYT bestseller. And this is going to benefit humankind how? Her children..
It doesn't seem possible, but this story just keeps hitting more new lows. I have a feeling there is still room to fall.
I refuse to pass judgment on her because everybody experiencing betrayal handles it differently. Some go away and hide forever, losing who they once were. Some go for the jugular and take no prisoners.
Truth is Elizabeth wasn't true to herself and perhaps that is what she is most mad about. She got caught up in the possibility of seeing her dreams come true and chose the dishonest route of staying silent.
Very, very sad story.
Maybe the ultimate wifely sacrifice is being willing to make such a sad spectacle of herself.
The only thing I'm interested in hearing or reading about John and Elizabeth Edwards is that they opened their fat checkbook and refunded their supporters' campaign contributions! Given the state of our economy today, I'm sure those hardworking Americans could use that money just to scrape by!
This is my last statement on the subject of Elizabeth Edwards. I see people writing horrible books all the time. No one complains. The issue is that as a culture we should value a moral compass and that excludes betrayal in any area. The only thing we can ask is the question "was there a lesson in this'?
Betrayal, lies, and inappropriate behavior weaken a society ,hurt children ,hurt just about everybody -
So we have to think before we act-will this (what ever) hurt anyone ?will it contribute to the benefit of the world???
I think that Mrs. Podesta is speaking to the contradiction that Mrs. Edwards desires to speak openly and bravely about this issue, but also that she seems only willing to open the door for discussion 75 percent of the way. I admire Mrs. Edwards, and feel badly for her that she has been put in this situation, but unfortunately it seems she failed to realize that with the press, it's all or nothing; you talk, or you don't.
I don't know how brave it is to air your dirty laundry in public. It's one thing when you are childless and there's no one to embarrass but yourself and the person who hurt you. But when you have children, that public humiliation that you are "braving" goes on to them too.
Very nicely put Ms. Podesta! Your account is a much more accurate reflection of Elizabeth Edwards than what other media outlets depict her to be. "Progressi
I disagree with Ms. Podesta and find her article very judgmental and lacking in compassion. It's appauling. I also question whether Ms. Podesta had even read the book. The majority of the book does not discuss the affair. That is one piece. The majority of the book covers living with cancer and raising two young children in that situation. I don't see how attacks on the Edwards's house serves any purpose. If Elizabeth Edwards hadn't discussed the affair she would be accused for being in denial by people such as Ms. Podesta. Elizabeth committed to doing this book long before she knew about the affair. Why should she have to sit home because the "other woman" had to go after a married man. John Edwards is just as guilty but I think its in exceptional poor taste to hit on a married man. I thnk Elizabeth has a right to tell her story about struggling with cancer and if the rest of the media wants to focus on the affair then they are cutting them and the rest of us short but I wish that bloggers like Ms. Podesta would read the book before they write and judge Elizabeth's choices.
As much as the jackals of the press would go after the affair, there was no benefit in going on Oprah. All I can think about is how the Edwards' children would be treated at school the next day when she shared her family business on TV. I think that was selfish (and would feel the same way if of a man in a similar situation). There is a place venting feelings of betrayal, but not television. It is with a therapist, close friends and a spouse. Her children's schoolmates should have heard no more than that it happened, she forgives her spouse, and that she's not going to let the media in on the intimate details.
Getting even with the other woman (calling her a stalker, calling her baby it, etc.) invited another round of media scrutiny of old news. It challenged the Hunter to start her own round of press and fed the market for her story. It is true that John Edward's affair started the embarrassment, but there was no need to continue it. As most mothers say, it doesn't matter who started it. If you want to end a conversation, you have to give up on the last word.
Lastly, Edwards need to get out her side of the story obscured her message about health care. Her knowledge and communication skills would have added much to the debate had she not felt the need to let everyone know what resilient martyr she is.
here is liz on the daily show:
http://www
So Elisabeth Edwards did not want give you an interview?
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