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Jane Shure

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Black Swan and the Harm in Perfectionism

Posted: 01/12/11 09:27 AM ET

In the film Black Swan, Natalie Portman gives a stunning portrayal of an emerging female battling the developmental forces of innocence and rebellion. Portman's character, a ballerina in the New York City Ballet, demonstrates not just the pressures of being a ballerina, but how the pulls to act restrictive and indulgent permeate self development, especially during the tender years of young adulthood.

At its heart, Black Swan is a psychological story about a daughter imprisoned by the defense mechanisms used to cope with her mother's narcissism. Faced with a mother who invades her personal space and dominates her emotional life, Portman's character, Nina, turns to "being the best," as a means of surviving. In Nina's case "the best" is symbolized by her star role in the ballet.

Having grown up with a mother who never allowed her the safety of speaking her mind, Nina demonstrates what happens when one is robbed of a sense of self-worth. She, like others who feel the need to defer to the dictates of their mother (or father), adapted to a core belief that suggests "what I feel or think doesn't matter; what's important is what will please my mother." In seeking out ways to give one's parent what they emotionally demand, a daughter (it could also be the same for a son) acts instinctively to calm her mother down and reduce the level of conflict, thus alleviating her own anxiety. Over time, angst and worry grow, as does a pervasive sense that "I'll never be good enough."

Seeking perfectionism is a common path for daughters in these complicated family situations. In the short-term, adoration from others may, in fact, offer relief from the emptiness felt within. It may also allow for a sense of living as though "all is fine," when in fact it isn't. But as Black Swan shows, perfectionism as a route to the promised land doesn't work for the long-term. Eventually it leads to a darkness and recklessness within, that may threaten to destroy relationships, the body and ultimately, one's life.

As we begin this new year, let's take a lesson from this psychological thriller. Become mindful of those ways that perfectionism flirts with you and say no to its seductive nature. Recognize how you adapted to childhood circumstances and support your courage for learning new ways to cope. Be aware of and challenge the cultural messages that harm you in order to embrace the ones that heal and sustain.

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In the film Black Swan, Natalie Portman gives a stunning portrayal of an emerging female battling the developmental forces of innocence and rebellion. Portman's character, a ballerina in the New York ...
In the film Black Swan, Natalie Portman gives a stunning portrayal of an emerging female battling the developmental forces of innocence and rebellion. Portman's character, a ballerina in the New York ...
 
 
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08:56 PM on 01/16/2011
This is why Americans of African descent prefer the term "African-American" over 'black". This is exactly the reason.
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Austro-libertarian
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07:18 PM on 01/16/2011
This movie was about sexual abuse.

When the actress (Nat. Portman) has sex with the woman in her room (who is a part of her mind and not a real person) she's in fact having sex with her own mother (not really, but in her mind).

Also when she masturbates, her mother is there without her noticing at first. Clearly symbolic of her mother's refusal to let her mature into a sexually healthy adult.
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DOGnIT
is constantly pending approval
05:04 PM on 01/16/2011
I'm anxious about seeing this movie. Striving for a career and making a good living is stressful enough on it's own. Adding to it a parent who may not have achieved their own goals makes me squirm knowing it would depend on the character of that parent. And the intelligence.
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Kenji
03:54 PM on 01/16/2011
Nice post, but it's based on the notion that there is some psychological grounding to the characters in The Black Swan Diaries. And there is none. The fact that it is set in the ballet world is, at best, an accident; the movie is a garish piece of torture porn that has little to do with dance or with real people, let alone with the genuine struggles of artistic expression.
08:44 PM on 01/16/2011
I disagree -- when the director expresses concerns about her virginity, it connected to what my college voice teacher told me (essentially the same thing) -- as in, how far can you go in what is obviously a physical endeavor if you haven't truly let go in the bedroom, gotten in touch with that inner impulse? Plus, how far would you go to get to the next level, to be truly in touch with your artistry and expression?
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Kenji
10:37 PM on 01/16/2011
Maybe, but the fact that you can read that much into it —and in such a well-considered way — is a tribute to the film's emptiness, not its intentions.
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dahpunkster
good music and cheap wine are my greatest comforts
03:15 PM on 01/16/2011
Especially hard when you are a type a first born. ( I can say this because I am one)
You tend to kick yourself and replay every major decision you make in your head.
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dahpunkster
good music and cheap wine are my greatest comforts
03:08 PM on 01/16/2011
eh, perfectionism is usually a odd blend of contributing factors. When it comes down to it is a fear of embarrassment, letting everyone down.
03:02 PM on 01/16/2011
I do not understand what is meant by the term "narcissistic mother" but hear it a lot.

I think the mother was living vicariously through her daughter and controlled her out of terror that her daughter would make the same "mistake" (give up). Nina's perfectionism and control are a natural response to feeling so controlled, dominated and invaded/violated.

And I think Nina's "dementia" is to a large extent the physiological result of her not eating and other self-abuse. Long-term starvation can eventually impact the mind, resulting in hallucinations, etc.

As for Nina's "personality," how could she ever find time or space to develop one, with a mother like that?
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Raging Cajun
01:13 PM on 01/16/2011
Amy Chua should see this movie. It might be like looking in the mirror.
11:38 AM on 01/16/2011
Amazing how many people have accepted at face value certain theories about how the mind and behaviour works and is shaped, and continually perpetuate these largely unproven ideas as if they were well understood mechanisms with clear lines of cause and effect.
11:05 AM on 01/16/2011
Always blaming the mother. The mother in this film may have urged her daughter to excel. However, a careful viewing of this film reveals several scenes in which the mother cautions her daughter not to push herself too hard. There is a scene in which the daughter makes a snarky remark about how the mother was not good enough to be a successful ballerina. There is also a scene where the daughter refuses to eat any of the cake her mother bought for her because she is afraid it will ruin her diet. "Black Swan" suggests that the daughter's perfectionism is a result of the daughter's personality above all.
08:46 PM on 01/16/2011
but then the mother guilts her into eating by throwing a tantrum, and moving to pitch the entire cake in the garbage. The mother doesn't HELP the situation at all.
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ChuckDarwin
08:16 PM on 02/14/2011
You're missing the point about the mother's narcissism. It's not that the mother always demands perfection, it's that the mother makes everything about herself.
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intotheabyss
Imperialism is a form of insanity.
10:30 AM on 01/16/2011
This really hit home with me as I and my siblings grew up with just such a mother. It took me many painful years to understand and overcome the destructive circumstances we grew up with. Unfortunately, I can still see the damage being played out among my siblings who are still in denial. My perfect sister is becoming more and more difficult to be around. I wonder if she'll ever see the light.
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nikanj
free the fnords
01:11 PM on 01/16/2011
I finally (at age 55 !) caught my 'perfect' older sister in a blatant and manipulative lie,
which my mother was witness to. This has definitely changed the dynamics between
all three of us. Interestingly, several months later, my sister remembers that day
completely differently. I have noticed that perfectionists tend to have dissociative
identity disorder issues and wonder if that is what happened in this case.
08:59 AM on 01/16/2011
Jane I have just one question: do you have Amy Chua's contact details? If you do, please give her a call. She needs your words of wisdom.
05:26 AM on 01/16/2011
Ain't it nice that women get to be crazy too!! Crazy aint gender bound. Sadly too many female
mental health professionals will see this movie and retort that the craziness was caused by men.
Victimization and powerlessness at it's best. Where are the advocates for the right of women to
be as crazy as men? One either gets all the rights and responsibilities or none.
02:12 AM on 01/16/2011
At a time when mental illness is vogue, this movie will probably get a lot of oscar nominations, perhaps the most. I think Ms. Portman is a lock to get best actress.
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12:31 PM on 01/14/2011
A daughter imprisoned by the defense mechanisms used to cope with a narcissistic mother?  What did she do, get pregnant then turn to Dancing?
 
With the Stars?
12:27 AM on 01/16/2011
Exactly, you could have only done one better by saying, "American Idol."