Kick In The Tush Club: Drowning In Drama

In these perilous times, we have a penchant for drama. Not that it's not justified ... but still ... is that where you want to live? In drama mode? STUCK? However difficult the times, would you not prefer to be solution oriented, moving forward toward your compelling future? Having a pity party isn't my style, and I'm betting it's not yours either!

To that end, I am going to share an invaluable tool with you now. It is called the "Steer Clear of the Drama" model. Any time you hear yourself talking about your problems, your 'drama,' take out your 'visioning model,' (yes, good idea - write it down on a small piece of paper and carry it around with you) note that you are 'under water,' and get out from under!

VISIONING
PLANNING
DETAILS
-_-_-_-_-_-_- THE WATER LINE!
PROBLEM
DRAMA

(All explained below).

First we do a bit of VISIONING: What are you working toward? A healthy lifestyle.

Followed by PLANNING: How are you going to create a healthy lifestyle? Eating healthfully is one step.

What are the DETAILS: I will go to the store today and stock up on healthy foods. ...

-_-_-_-_-_-_- THE WATER LINE!
Uh oh! ... you are about to step into deep waters.

PROBLEM: All the reasons that you can come up with that spells out why you can't get to the store today.

DRAMA: A stack of problems, negative thinking, dramatic behavior that creates a whirlpool that keeps pulling you down, down, down. And now you ARE drowning in drama.

What to do? Remember! Imagine pushing yourself up from under, back into VISIONING and CREATING YOUR PLAN.

Here follows an email from a Kick in the Tush Club member. It is a perfect example (thanks, Jess!) of how we create and live in 'problems' and until we are defeated ... or ... drowning in drama!

Dear Janice,

I am OUT of CONTROL.Honestly ... OUT OF CONTROL. I did lose 21 pounds some time ago but have gained nearly all of those 21 pounds back. I have NO CONTROL. I eat whatever, whenever. Please HELP! ~ Jess C.

Dear Jess, In order to permanently remove excess weight we need to change our internal landscape (I don't mean move your stomach to a new location).

1. Watch and become aware of your language. If you say, "I am OUT of CONTROL," you are out of control and reinforcing that belief.

2. Let go of 'the WHY of it'. Asking WHY questions ... "Why am I doing this?" "Why me?" may well yield an answer, but not necessarily a strategy to effect change.

3. Ask yourself, "WHAT can I do to move forward?" And then ask yourself "What else can I do? What else? What else?" Make a list of ten actions that can and will move your forward.

4. Stay out of the DRAMA. When you hear yourself saying "The problem is ..." watch out! Your drama is fast approaching.

"The problem is that I can't find a job, because I can't buy a suit, because I don't have the money, because my husband left me and took the piggy bank with him, because he was a misery ... " Got it? Drama drains our energy and moves us away from implementing positive change.

5. And finally for Jess and anyone out there who thinks that they are out of control ... If there is no food in your mouth right now - you are back in control. If there is food in your mouth ... spit it out ... and you are back in control.

~ Janice

* * *
Janice Taylor is a Life & Wellness Coach, Certified Hypnotist, Author of the Our Lady of Weight Loss books, Beliefnet blogger, Seminar Leader and 50-pound Big-Time-Loser. Write her for a Free Consult.

Follow Janice Taylor on Twitter: www.twitter.com/OurLady

Comments

[Ellencpw]

I think the most important and productive way of handling the DRAMA is sometimes to reach out to those around you - such as the email Janice received from Jess - one must realize that there is always someone there who can say something that will just hit the spot, and allow or enable you to get rid of the DRAMA - it's like Janice said, " you can just spit the food out".

[lpsegal]

Thank you Janice.......you always give me "food for thought"....It is the best food to digest!!!!
I agree completely. Drama is the precursor to extraordinary stress.....

[SigmundPi]

Drama is a nice way of characterizing the negative story lines, negatives belief systems and just plain old anxiety that we attach to situations that don't turn out the way we want. By labeling it drama it gives us some space from these difficult feelings, emotions and ideas that invariably arise. We need space from these feelings so we can then move forward. When we calling the negativity drama we have the possibility of disconnecting---after all if it is a drama then we can become directors of this drama and decide to stage things differently or change the lines. Calling "it" a drama makes us empowered and the director of our lives rather than a victim or a "mere" actor.

[jimwellington10035]

Is the country drowning in drama? Better focus on the solutions - that's for sure!

[communicatinghumanity]

Good column. Thanks Janice for shining a light.

Many people are addicted to drama - one of the many flavors of the collective shadow behaviors of addiction TO pain as opposed to addiction FROM pain. Drama has a payoff (albeit a negative one). It allows us to wallow in victimhood, in blame, in not taking responsibility, in feeling superior, being a control freak, etc. However, as Janice stresses, none one of these states are empowering in a positive manner.

Drama is a huge part of popular culture. TV shows like Desperate Housewives (and all those ridiculous "reality" shows) plus all the malicious, petty gossip shows and rags feed the beast by teaching people to embrace cheap drama and behave badly toward their fellow human beings.

Kudos to everyone who chooses to say "no" to the downward spiral into drama and says "yes" to authentic empowerment. May you lead by infectious example. :)

[jdw]

these visual cues are really helpful. the water line is a great reference - helps make ethereal issues more tangible. and i can see it, i can change it. keep it coming.

[smithcity5000]

Drama is very attractive. I'll carry your concept with me (in my mind's eye) and see if I can make it through the day without getting pulled my drama or someone else's.

[StonedColdPicnic]

Janice, I confess. I live in the State called Drama. Often. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I will spend the day ... watching ... and hopefully moving out of drama, back into action.

[Ed Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Our mind is like a mine field. Yes do be aware of the dramas. Janice you are a caring lady. Great teaching.

[cktirumalai]

With credit frozen, the markets seemingly bleeding to death and taking one's 401k along with them, the temptation to over-eat could arise. Your blog may get people thinking about the problem.
Over the years I have, fortunately, got to the stage where indulging in an undesirable treat makes me feel temporarily better but worse, emotionally, over many more hours, so that the next time I am less likely to succumb.