Yesterday, I was talking with my new client, Donna*, gathering a bit of background information -- her address, phone numbers, email. Seriously, nothing "heavy" -- just her contact info, at which time she emphatically blurted out, "I love to cook for my family for the holidays and I'm not giving it up. My mother didn't cook or bake for us during the holidays when I was a kid, and I'd always wanted her to. So, I cook up and bake up a storm each and every year for my family, and I am not going to stop! My kids, my husband, everyone -- they love it. And, I repeat, I am not giving it up!"
"Oh ... Okay," I replied.
Believe me, I had no intentions of asking Donna to give up anything. Far be it from me to "take away" her family's gastronomically driven happiness or strip her of her identity as the fabulously wonderful mother whose sweet potato pie and potato pancakes are to die for.
For the record, I am not the food police. Nor I am in the habit of asking people to give up anything, much less cart away the foods that they think/feel make them the happiest.
Au contraire, I take nothing away! I am all about adding to your life, helping to bring out the best in you, supporting you in finding ways to add copious amounts of health and happiness to add to your daily platter.
Once I fully explained my position, Donna settled in and over the course of the conversation, she said, "I am really annoyed at my son. I asked him if he remembers the wonderful holidays that we've shared, and the delicious foods that I whipped up over the years, and he couldn't remember not even one dish."
With heaps of loving kindness and sincere compassion, I gently brought Donna's attention to the contradiction. I asked, "Donna, why do you think is it that your son can't recall any of the dishes?"
"Because," she slowly said, "the food isn't important to him." Allowing Donna a moment or two of silence to chew over her thoughts, we sat in silence until she was ready to continue. "Oh my, the only one who deeply cares about the food is me."
And there you have it. The lid had been removed from that pot. Donna realized that she had more or less painted a Norman Rockwell fantasy. She had woven a beautiful story around the foods that she loves, making it all right for her to cook, serve and eat them. She was being her own "good mother," giving herself what she'd wished for as a child.
Still, whether or not Donna changes her holiday cooking habits is up to her. Again, I take away nothing from no one!
I am here to do the heavy lifting. The lifting of the lids that cover beliefs and stories that are no longer useful or even true.
Evolve. Don't just improve.
*The names have been changed to protect the innocent. And yes, permission granted by client to use story.
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By the way, if you had asked me when I was young and took for granted that there would be a Christmas meal in front of me I'm not sure I would have remembered the food, or even the gifts, but looking back at the holidays my mother and aunts created, I remember every dish and cherish those memories.
It's the same as a drunk who is the "life of the party" creates that "character" (just like the wholesome mother baking Xmas cookies "character") to enable and excuse his drinking.
I don't know if you have already done so...but I hope you can paint a similarly illustrative story about the number one lie people use to keep themselves fat.
Namely, 1% of all fat or obese people genuinely have a medical issue that keeps them fat. Meanwhile, more than 50% of fat of obese people believe they are in that 1%.
You're so right. I remember reading that study that definitively quantified that 99% of fat people are gluttonous sloths. It's amazing our society can even function what with the constant eating we do just to maintain our fat bodies. I've actually added cup holders to all of my shirts so I can carry my Tub o' Coke everywhere I go while still grasping two fists full of lard supplements.
Thank you for enlightening us with your scientific acumen!
/definitely not sarcasm/
Peace,
Shannon
Atchka.com
FierceFatties.com
I think I know you well enough at this point, Shannon, to know that you may...in fact...being sarcstic.
It's a definite possibility.
I also suspected you wouldn't care for Janice Taylor's message of taking a good hard honest look at one's weight.
BTW, I would patent that shirt cup holder, if I were you...you could sell 1 million in Houston alone. I suspect you could move 15-20 million units in the Bible Belt.
Peace,
Shannon
Atchka.com
FierceFatties.com
great post and your sensitivity towards a subject like weight (hopefully loss) is commendable.
I am so happy you are in our life.
Ya loving friend - Ed
1. Coffee for breakfast.
2. Pig-out for lunch. Anything goes.
3. A sandwich and fruit for dinner.
4. Treat the munchies with fruit. No sweets, cookies, etc.
5. Drink water. A sweet drink with meals.
6. Walk an hour a day, 5 days a week.
I call it the Two Semesters of Graduate School in London After Getting Fat in the U.S.A. Diet. I went from 200 lbs. to 120. If you ask how much I weigh now, I'll kill ya.