THE BLOG

Divorce 102: Sex With Your New Man

08/07/2013 02:38 pm ET | Updated Oct 07, 2013

The divorce is complete, your marriage is officially over, your husband is now your ex and it's time for you to move on with your life -- in so many ways! Hopefully you've been busy, focusing on building yourself back up after the long and arduous process of a divorce. But don't spend your new singledom wallowing. It's time for you to get out there and meet some new men. But before jumping into bed with a fresh face, make sure you're ready for that kind of a leap.

First, make sure that you're emotionally prepared. If you're still lapsing into bouts of tears when you think of him, or silently sniffling over just the sight of his old t-shirt, don't put yourself in an awkward position by sleeping with somebody new. Chances are, you'll get yourself worked up and wind up sobbing and snotting on this poor, unsuspecting man. On top of that, your own emotional damage could prove to be too much, and opening the wound before it's healed won't do you any good.

Next, go out and buy yourself something sexy. Just like wearing "his favorite dress" might not be a great idea for a first date, if you spend your first night with a new man in what used to be "his favorite lingerie," you'll be in the wrong mindset. So, start fresh and get yourself a new teddy or a sexy new bra and panty set. Not only will the change in scenery make you feel like a new woman, but you'll also be avoiding any unnecessary memories.

If you were with your ex-husband for a while, it's going to be natural that you've got his name on the brain. But to sidestep any potential for calling him the wrong name, just ignore it altogether. This is only a temporary measure, but it's best not to do damage early on in the new relationship.

Rather than bringing him back to your house, where you and the ex used to share a bed, aim for a new locale. Go to his place, or even get a hotel for a night -- it's a lovely way to share your first time together, in a beautiful bed where you don't have to clean up afterwards! Post-sex room service is also a lovely indulgence, and all of the amenities can turn this into a great memory for the both of you.

Divorce isn't the end, it's a chance for rebirth. So take this chance to break out of your normal habits and try something frisky and new! Do a bit of research before meeting up with your date (try Cosmopolitan for some inspiration). But above all else, start simple. If you bust a move too advanced or intense, you risk embarrassing yourself! So, be confident, be curious and be comfortable with exploring new avenues of sexual expression.

Now, remember that there's a new first time for everything. It might be stressful, it might be nerve-wracking, and it might be a little scary. But this is your time to shine, lady! You are freshly single, and that's empowering. You know the game, you've played it before and the odds are in your favor to get out there and get lucky. So, get ready for a whole new chapter in the story of your life. Remember -- this divorce is a blessing. You're now free to meet a man who is truly worthy of you and all that you are. So get out there, and get it on!