Microsoft CES 2012 Keynote: Weirdest Highlights From The Computer Giant's Last Center-Stage Appearance

LAS VEGAS -- This is two days late, but, really, what in the name of Windows 95 was going on in Microsoft's keynote speech at CES 2012? Of all the wacky, weird, strange gadgets, gizmos and ideas on display here in Las Vegas, Microsoft's final appearance as the keynote presenter at the Consumer Electronics Show just might take the bat-poop-crazy cake (available at Baskin-Robbins), as for a little under an hour, the megalithic corporation that has made much of its money on enterprise and corporate machines marched out one bizarre surprise after another, launching a disorienting whirlwind of jaw-dropping absurdities.

At the end of the presentation, when Steve Ballmer and co-host Ryan Seacrest (which, by the way -- what?) exited the stage, I was left glued to my seat, mouth open as though I'd seen "Springtime for Hitler" performed for the first time, unsure of whether I'd just viewed something brilliant, mad or unhinged. Part of me thought Ashton Kutcher might pop out and tell us we had been punked.

Alas, there was no Kutcher, only Seacrest and Ballmer, our tour guides on the Presentational Cruise Ship From Hell, curating what felt like an hallucinatory nightmare voyage through the feverish imagination of an acid-tripping Microsoft product manager. A Microsoft employee once accused Google of throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what stuck; about halfway through Ballmer's ultimate keynote at CES, I'm pretty sure I was struck in the face by some half-cooked linguini.

Below, relive the madness of Microsoft's CES keynote, with video and photographic highlights of Ballmer's odyssey.

Visit our Big News Page to view all of our coverage from CES 2012.

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Comments

[brux]

11:07 AM on 01/20/2012

Argh, what a nightmare!

[TrippyWeekender]

11:41 PM on 01/12/2012

Try as they might, Microsoft always seems just to misread the room just enough to leave people wondering what they just saw. Bonus points for "The Producer" reference!

[Louis Bernardi]

06:09 PM on 01/12/2012

The tweet choir was hilarious, Steve Balmer is a bit odd though, and Ryan Seacrest brought their presentation down a notch haha.

[cyb1851]

05:13 PM on 01/12/2012

This is embarrassing and absurd. Microsoft is trying waaaay too hard to be cool. I'll wait for an Apple event. Something interesting and innovative is guaranteed to happen and it will seem effortless. And there will be no tweet choir.

[Duffy Sinclair]

09:29 AM on 01/12/2012

Ballmer and Gates presentations? Good lord, we miss Steve Jobs so much!

[helioszephyr]

05:01 AM on 01/12/2012

It's difficult to imagine the board at MS hasn't told Balmer to "stay behind the curtain". Even if they think he's a CEO/marketing genius (very arguable), his public persona is really bad and obnoxious... particularly if targeting consumer markets.

Balmer has the "stench" of early '80's motivational sales managers, with a rancid sense of humor and trite sense of enthusiasm... even recognized in that era.

[StinkyPete0279]

02:19 PM on 01/12/2012

You're just mad because you don't have DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS

[helioszephyr]

02:55 PM on 01/12/2012

you're easily distracted.
Look... over there.. a cat!

how is this relevant?

[fuzzynormal]

01:32 AM on 01/12/2012

Balmer. Dude is just crazy. Not in a good way.

[nuprs]

10:41 PM on 01/11/2012

I watched this live on Facebook and the comments in chat summarized the event. It went from excitement trolling in no time. The icing on the cake was when they had to black out Transformers demo video because of the copy protection. Who planned this thing? It was embarrassing.

[Kamlesh Surve]

10:15 PM on 01/11/2012

g,m friend enjoy new fast player

[LittleSanityLeft]

09:49 PM on 01/11/2012

I'm sure it's weird to those who bothered watching and I imagine there weren't many of those. Myself included.

[Jill Kennedy]

08:21 PM on 01/11/2012

It was better than Bieber dancing with that robot. In general, I think "Vegas" is definitely starting to have its effect on the people attending CES. They start out all about the gadgets and end up caught in the late night Vegas web. Here's a great write-up of CES After Dark by an old media executive who had a little too much to drink...

http://mankabros.com/blogs/chairman/2012/01/10/ces-after-dark/

[justlw]

07:00 PM on 01/11/2012

In #3, Ballmer sounds *exactly* like Kevin from "The Office."