3 Ways to Get Self-Centered For The Holidays
When we think "self-centered," unpleasant images often come to mind; but it becomes important in the context of self-actualization to distinguish SELF centered from EGO centered. During the holidays these can include stress over making sure we look good by buying and receiving the greatest possible gifts. You may find yourself obsessing over ensuring your special someone gets a gift that beats the one their ex gave them last year--even though you may be experiencing the pangs of the current economy. You may have friends and relatives running ragged amidst the chaos of the season, spending money they don't have to make sure that their holiday feasts, trees, decorations, accessories and gift giving tops everyone else's. This obsession is ego-centric, not SELF centered. It is ego-centric to allow oneself to be defined by the food we serve and the gifts we give; which can make the holidays very unpleasant.
I remember many Christmas eves when I witnessed my aunt slaving away in the kitchen. When it was time, we would finally ravage a stellar Italian midnight feast while she watched exhausted and barely able to eat. I know that this is an expression of her love for us, but I have never asked my aunt if she knows how much we love her and that we know she loves us, regardless of what she cooks.
There have also been many times that I could not buy everything I wanted for my loved ones. However, at a relatively early age I had the awareness that allowed me to move into my personal center and find true meaning in the holidays. The holidays, for me, are always about experiencing joy, love and abundance internally and sharing them with my loved ones.
How do you distinguish SELF centered from EGO centric? For a moment, listen to the thoughts constantly playing in your head. They may be the ones stressing you out about whether you can afford to buy that very important person in your life the new Macbook they want so badly. The part of you having the thoughts is your EGO. The part of you that can hear them is the true essence of who you are, which lives beyond your mind and body. It is your-SELF.
Your Self is constant and always present. When you are centered in your SELF you are directly connected to source. Your source is the essence of what you are made of. It is universal consciousness, divine intelligence, spirit, God, love, authenticity and whatever that is for you. When you become truly "SELF-centered," you allow yourself to be led by your true, loving essence. You also become aware of all humans emanating from this source. It is in your center where you can resolve self-judgment, which elicits a greater experience of peace, love for self and others, harmony, true generosity, and joy; which are all qualities of the holiday season.
We see in our culture how making ego-centric rather than SELF-centered choices are paramount through an obsessive desire for material acquisition. Even as the economy dwindles and people lose their jobs we are inundated with messages about the importance of consumptions. This is painfully illustrated by the death of a Wal Mart worker by a mob of shoppers on Black Friday. The horror of this tragedy makes it even more crucial that each of us move into our personal center and allow the qualities that reside there to come forth this holiday season. It is a grave disservice to each other when we allow our egos to define us by our possessions and the gifts we give rather than our true, loving essence.
The alternative I offer to you this holiday season is to center yourself in your SELF, which will allow you to fully embody the presence of internal peace and love throughout the holidays.
Some ways you can begin to become SELF-centered:
1) Mindfulness
Bring your awareness fully to where you are and what you are doing at any given moment. First, bring your awareness to your breath. Literally say to yourself, "breathe in, breathe out" as you inhale and exhale. You will start to feel centered, peaceful and relaxed. Bring your awareness to smells, colors, feelings, and sensuality (the water on your hands while washing dishes). This is an excellent way to support yourself in navigating the sometimes stressful holiday gatherings we feel obligated to attend.
2) Manage Negative Self Talk
Manage negative self-talk by intercepting negative judgments. Start talking to yourself like you are your best friend. For example, at some point during the holidays you may have the thought, "Wow, that gift he got is so much better than the one I gave him." If you are aware of having the thought, acknowledge it, and change it. Changing it might sound like, "My loving essence defines me," (not my gift giving).
3) Compassion
Practice compassion in stressful situations where you might hastily judge another. For instance, it might be challenging as a gay man or lesbian to be having dinner with a family member you know voted for Proposition 8. Bring your awareness to your breath, notice your judgments, and although it may be challenging, allow yourself to consider that that person's life is as important to them as yours is to you. Also, remind yourself that love is the essence of who we are as human beings, regardless of what we perceive as hurtful actions. This moves you into your center and the recognition that we all emanate from the same source. There may be a challenge to deal with. However, you can maintain the love and harmony of the holiday when you move beyond your ego, and into compassion.
SELF-centeredness as opposed to egocentric moves you into connection with your true essence and the loving essence of the holidays. It shifts you to being fully present in each moment where you dwell in love, peace, and harmony. When you are SELF-centered the greatest gift you can give to others and yourself becomes accessible. It is the gift of your true presence, which is the gift of love.
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Jason, I never make New Year's resolution lists, but I read about procrastination in your article and it rang a bell. So I wrote one about the things I've not yet addressed in my life. It's a short one but it's an important one. Thanks for the reminder.
Albert Marsh
Jason,
thanks for making self centered a positive concept. I like the ways in which you encourage us to work with ourselves in the moments we normally just let our mind run on autopilot. im going to be more aware of my own self talk because of this article.
Best,
Debrah
This intellectually reminds me of a "thin line". Christmas, the birth of Christ vs. Santa Clause
One real and one ficicious. One spiritual and one material. Eternal Life and gimmy gimmy wanta wanta. One we live every day and one we live on once a year
Cayuse:
Thanks for all of your insightful comments and input.
I lost my mom at a relatively early age, and too know that although gifts given from the heart can be very special, the greatest gifts are not at all tangible.
Have a blessed holiday.
Jason
Jason I know it is semantics or terminology, but I like the tranformation from Ego Self to the Higher Self. Even better Ego Self==>Christ Consciousn
Good ideas of tranforming the self
I wonder how people who don't have a sense of self cope during the holidays.
I don't begin or end a day without meditation. Breathing and reflection balance me and keep me focused on what is important and necessary in my life.
This year, my husband was laid off permanently in Nov. so Christmas is more about being together than about things. (normally there are a few more things this time of year but being together is always the most important thing) I'm still as excited as a little kid about the coming week because we'll connect with family and my oldest son will be back home for a week. We have a dozen movies to watch together and we'll be dusting off the skiis... it doesn't get much better than this. :)
If I wasn't balanced and able to see past the financial aspects of our life at the moment, I wonder how this next week would go...
Sounds like your are righteous (living right action), "be in the world, but not of it" The messages of living come to use in many ways
Being poor I witnessed the sadness of gift giving and refused to give nothing except from the heart. Mostly true, but gift were pentiful but I hope over shadowed
Walking through the malls I see so many wishing they could give it all.
Losing my only son a few years ago only reinforced that what we shared rides so high above the trinkets we played with together. What we shared will longly be endured in my bones, but in my heart I know he flies like an EAGLE soaring high above this material earthly wants his and mine. His journey goes on. Hi Joy expands. Thank God for him and life itself that we may know eternity without materialism (its sin)
Cinemaven:
Thanks for you insight. I have quite a bit of experience in the corporate world and have gone through my share of layoffs. I am so glad you are able to see beyond your husbands layoff and reside in a place of love and gratitude. May your holidays be blessed and may you carry that with you through 2009 and beyond.
Jason
Great article !!! I really enjoyed it! Funny thing is I am at odds right now with some of my in-laws as a result of prop 8 LOL ! So it was really good to read what you had to say .Although I will probably continue to deprive them of my company , Holidays or not , I at least have a little more appreciation that their lives and views are equally important as mine , and will no longer think of them as just stupid, and have a little more compasion for them , But that still dosen't mean I have to or want to entertain them in my house.
Congratulations! I am glad this article helped you to connect with a little more truth about your in-laws. I totally support your choice, moving into compassion, and recognizing the truth doesn't take away your choice whether or not to "eat" with them.
Here's to the truth!!
Have a wonderful, blessed holiday!
Jason
Schedule your free coaching consultation with Jason at jmannino.c
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I'll do that right now.
Someone has read their Jung.... Is that where you get this idea of the SELF?
Anyway, great article.
Indirectly, yes, this is very Jungian.
I am glad you enjoyed the article!!
Jason
See Ed and Deb Shapiro's Profile
Hi Jason, It is obvious from what you say that you are a caring person. Your blog is spot on. Your pointers are what we all need to bring into our lives.
When we make friends with ourselves, when we care about others then we are real human beings.
Big Love, Big Heart,
Ed
Thanks so much for your insight and support.
Love and Blessings to you this holiday!
Jason
muscleboundH,
Who is being fanatic? You are going to eat more meat now because I was mentioning in my post to have compassion and consider animals? My point about animals being persons was that non human animals are beings with interests like humans and very much unlike chairs, cars or desks. Maybe the modern dictionary does not define animals as persons...
Btw...read The China Study (google it) the most comprehensive study done on human diet and you will see that a vegan diet is the most healthy diet for humans. If you really believe that a diet of chicken body parts is going to keep your body from falling apart than not only are you a meat head but you are misinformed and may I say extremely dishonest.
The healthiest people in the world eat NO chicken or meat and their bodies do not fall apart. please watch this video...
http://new
Maybe your muscles are denying you from having some compassion for others who share the planet with you.
http://www
MusclebloundH and PhatP
I thoroughly support the discussion of different points of view and different choices. However, the launching point for your interaction was compassion. Therefore, I encourage you to maintain compassion and respect during your exchange.
Blessings and Joy
Jason
Thank you for this very important post. The only way that we can truly transform our world is through becoming more SELF aware. The SELF is the True North for each of us. When the EGO is in service to the SELF transformation occurs, and a person naturally is drawn to contribute to the Greater Good.
Our world needs this more than ever.
Blessings!
Eli
Thanks, for your encouragement. I am glad you enjoyed it!!!
Blessings
Jason
You are so right Jason. When we operate on default (mindlessness) we invite pain and suffering. The ego will do anything to insure its survival. To conquer it, there are practices we can do.
Spirituality is an internal struggle between the ego and the Self. How do we know when the ego is reacting or the Self? The ego is our identity, it is who we think we are, and anything that threatens its survival will perpetuate a corresponding reactive thought, word or action.
The Self is the non-doer, that which is undifferentiated and unaffected by outer circumstances. It is that wondrous within-ness, that blissfulness that we look for outside of ourselves for most of our lives. The secret is that it has never left us, we just need to "remember" that it is inside us.
That is why we meditate - to still the mind and allow the peace to spill over to our daily lives and activities.
Have a wonderful holiday season! Thank you for the great article.
Love, Chandi Devi
When morality is sincerely practised, good habits are cultivated
the original soul strengthens.
The mind and heart of the cultivator becomes purer.
In this state, the power of understanding grows and
helps one to understand oneself and one's surroundings.
Once one understands, there is freedom, as the mind no longer struggles.
When the mind is at peace, there is calmness followed by stillness.
and TRUTH is experienced.
Meditation is a form of cultivation. And all cultivations require commitment.
When one begins, one may concentrate on one's breath.
But this should cease once one quietens.
Focusing on one's thought, prayer, or object will however, cause one not to realize TRUTH.
For if one were to think of one thing with the exclusion of all, then how could the TRUTH be realized ? This would be suppression, which is opposite to TRUTH, that is liberation.
Repetition of a prayer or sentence may cause the mind to think of nothing else, but this is still not the TRUTH., for repetition of the same thing limits the mind, and TRUTH on the other hand is limitless.
Sit in a natural, comfortable posture. There is no fixed prescribed form.
The form may not know the formless.
The mind must understand that it is unable to find TRUTH. As long as the mind searches,
TRUTH will forever be impossible to attain. Do not desire for TRUTH.
When the mind understands, it will cease to struggle,
and there will be peace in the heart and mind.
When all actions cease
When all thinking ceases
There will be calmness and stillness
TRUTH will then be experienced.
__________
Practising of Morals and Meditation must go together. Meditation is an integral part of the practice of Morals and the practice of Morals is an integral part of Meditation . There can be no success without the other.
The practice of Morals strengthens the three souls. Meditation is a self-revealing process. Without truly knowing the self, one will not be able to realise TRUTH. Without knowing the false self, one will not be able to cultivate the virtues and precepts effectively. Know one's little universe thoroughly before one realizes the Great Universe.
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