LGBT Equality - It's About Love
"I used to think that it was anger that motivated me...Then at some point I realized it wasn't really anger that was keeping me going..it was doing the work...Now...I don't think it's either the anger or the labor that keeps us going year after year. It is the love!" My heart was warmed upon hearing these profound words of truth spoken by John J. Duran when he accepted the Lifetime Achievement Award from Equality California on Saturday, August 1, 2009 at the Equality Awards held at the Century Plaza Hotel. Equality California was founded in 1998 and ever since has been at the forefront of the struggle for LGBT Equality in the state of California and in the country. In the past decade, EQCA has successfully passed more than 45 pieces of civil rights legislation for the LGBT community - more than any other statewide LGBT organization in the nation, and is working tirelessly for equal marriage rights for LGBT people.
In November, on the day that chickens were given rights, marriage rights were taken away from LGBT people in the state of California. It stung! And well, it stunk! Emotions were mixed on Saturday evening. Even in the elegant ballroom of the Century Plaza Hotel amidst fine wine, food, friends, and loved ones, the pain that we as LGBT people felt on that day was easily accessible. So, when John Duran, (who has been a fierce acitivist in the LGBT community for decades, a multiple term member of West Hollywood's City Council, and a pioneering attorney having won landmark civil rights cases here in Los Angeles) reminded us that it was the love that keeps us going, it was a salve upon my heart. In that moment, I shared with my gay, lesbian, and straight brothers and sisters the experience of knowing that the essence of the love we are made of is what keeps us steadfast on our journey to full equality. It is the love that holds our cells together that compels our full self-expression. It is the love that binds humanity that gives us the courage to keep loving our partners and keep moving forward in the face of ego-based identifications with hatred, anger, and violence.
Judy Chu, who has been one of our staunchest political allies here in California and now at the Federal level, accepted EQCA's Advocate Award that evening. Chu was just sworn into her seat in the House of Representatives as the first Chinese American woman in the U.S. Congress. Upon accepting her award she told her story from early in the decade when she was working diligently towards passing AB 2561, a bill that now protects LGBT youth in the foster system. She shared that when her fundamentalist Chinese critics asked how she could work for LGBT rights, she responded by saying that she had heard heinous stories of hate crimes in both the Asian American communities and LGBT community. She could not possibly work for the rights of one group and not the other. She left us on a triumphant note saying that 127 years ago Californians voted in a law prohibiting whites from marrying Chinese people that was eventually reversed, and that, "Marriage laws are not made in some divine untouchable place beyond the reach of morals, marriage laws are made by humans, Just as humans in the state of California have passed unjust marriage laws, humans can undo them."
Humans can undo them, which Abbe Lande (Mayor of West Hollywood), and I both agreed upon. Lande shared with me that in California the question is not "if" or "how" we will have LGBT rights. The question is only when.
The answer to that question is contingent upon each of us. Whether you are gay or straight, when you stand in the essence of your love and fully express your truth you shine a light upon humanity that cannot be denied. It is in this light that we recognize one another as divine beings. In this place the motivation to stifle another's expression does not exist.
In more mundane terms, research has actually shown that when people know others who are LGB or T (especially friends and family members) and have a better understanding of our true stories, they are more apt to support equality. Therefore, I encourage all of us, whether LGBT or straight allies to talk about the truth of who we are. Share your stories with your families and friends. Let them know that we are still human. We are still brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, cousins, friends, loved ones. We are all loving beings having unique human experiences that deserve to be freely and fully expressed. As we do this I envision a time when we no longer have to hold awards dinners to honor people who stand up for each other regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, or religion. In the meantime, I acknowledge all of those who have been honored in this vein along with John Duran and Judy Chu. And, I hereby put out a call to act in love, full self expression, and dialogue to eradicate the hatred and fear that still resides in the hearts of so many who would choose to extinguish the light of another, simply because it shines at a different angle.
You can learn more about Equality California at www.eqca.org
Follow Jason Mannino on Twitter: www.twitter.com/jasonmannino
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See Toan Lam's Profile
Thanks - Love is what it is - LOVE.
We all must remember Vincent Chin, from Detroit.
Google it!
Blessings and Bows...
The day when all Americans have equal rights is coming soon. We are ready at the grass roots and state level but like any civil rights issue this guarantee of equality must be legislated by our representative governmant at the national level. I firmly believe if the equal rights of women and minorities were determined in a voting booth like so often happens with Gay rights, women and minorities would still be struggling for equality. Obama and the congress need to act to overturn DOMA and DADT now.
Great article!
I'm not planning on getting married again tomorrow or anything, but in case I am able to release my trust issues and get my other "issues" in order enough to commit to one person for an happily ever after or til death do we part deal, I would love to have the right to do so!
and Jason, I love you for saying this
"We are all loving beings having unique human experiences that deserve to be freely and fully expressed"
This is my truth!! :o )
Jason, thank you for a wonderful essay.
Like Boyinboycott, I don't like it either when people want to deny my anger, especially at the lies and deceit practiced by the Holier-Than-Thou.
But what I have come to realize is that anger, alone, does little or nothing. I am unsure that I am at the point where I can identify that main motivating factor as love; it may well be, I can identify a motivating factor as justice.
LOVE transcends all regardless of orientation . . . this is our journey to experience love on Earth.
Equality for ALL.
I won't discount your appeal based on love, but you need to not discount my anger...ei
Your "anger" about what? Why don't you stop being obsessed with other people's love lives- it's kind of pervy to be so interested in the first place. You don't dictate other people's personal lives any more than you would want someone to dictate your own sex/relationship life.
I'm sorry if I misunderstood your comment. I think you meant you were angry about the resistance against same-sex marriage.
I'm curious... One argument that the christianist right is always making is that same-sex marriage "threatens" conventional marriage.
How?
The same way it is 'threatened' by mixed marriage in which one or both partners is incapable of reproduction?
How does the committed relationship of people you don't even know "threaten" your own marriage?
What I always hear is "Oh, MY marriage isn't in danger, but----
But, nothing. The only people who can "endanger" a marriage are the two people who are engaged in that difficult and exhiliarating enterprise. If you want to "protect" or "defend" your marriage, be kind to your spouse and get your nose out of other people's bedrooms.
Wonderful post! You rock
But if one doesn't believe in religion or even evolution then I have to assume that everything else is ok....
"But if one....the
You are the biggest hypocrite on this site. Son of "Liberty", yet you want to deny people the basic freedom to marry? What a pathetic joke. You people claim to defend "liberty" yet all you do is try to deprive it from others. You are the most judgmental people in this country.
Your statement makes no sense. There are many people in this world who live moral lives and treat others with dignity without necessarily having their perspectives directed by a religious belief system. There are also countless others who do subscribe to a religious belief system but are able to use their own intelligence and judgment to determine their social beliefs. After all, many of these scriptural text were written thousands of years ago. We've accepted that many things that proscribed millennia ago (such as shellfish) are just fine, and that many thing that were once acceptable (such as slavery) are wrong.
Additionally, in regards to evolution, there are many examples of homosexual and bisexual behavior in nature. Obviously, if such behavior was prevalent in too large a percentage of the population, it could cause a problem in regard to the continuation of the species. This is not the case, so evolutionarily speaking it's not a problem.
VERY well said......
i'm a straight woman but all people have the right to live as they choose....
why would i have the right to tell some one how to live and who to love??
i dont have that right ......no one else does ether....
most people just want to live free....an
why would i want to take anyones rights away...tha
i'm with you Jason Mannino...
pease be with you and loved one....
I'm finding it so ironic that this is the story I read immediately after the self-absorbed "3 guys for every girl" serial monogamy one (which, as someone who is about to celebrate the 10th anniversary of my heterosexual marriage, I found nauseating). Love is worth working and fighting and struggling and sweating for, and deserves to be recognized legally and equally. I would LOVE to see marriages more difficult to enter in to for ALL - people like Brittney Spears are the ones making marriages that mine needs to be defended from, not the same-sex ones! I am deeply inspired by the 40+ year relationship between THREE gay men at my UU church. I have more to learn from them than from my own heterosexual parents (whose marriage didn't survive my potty training) or that of my in-laws (which only has lasted this long because of my mother-in-law's mantra of "say nothing" whenever he does something that pisses her off and sets the family back, to the point that he's 70 and acts like a tantruming toddler if his whims aren't catered to promptly). I hope you find happiness and a relationship worth the work to perfect it - and the legal recognition of the effort involved in sustaining it.
The line is a takeoff from a line from a Beach Boys song...
"Three girls for every boy"
And if you don't know that then you really are pretty lost
So anyone who didn't listen to the Beach Boys is lost? Not knowing a pop-culture reference hardly disqualifies someone's opinion.
It's not the title of the article that's offensive, it's the tone of it that treats MARRIAGE partners as something to be run through and used up until you find something better, instead of WORKING on being happy with the one you married first. I'm familiar with the Beach Boys, and I they're not exactly the ideal of romantic advice either. And what a fool you've shown yourself to be SonofLiberty1 - arguing that gays shouldn't be allowed to marry but heterosexuals going through multiple marriages, that's all fine and dandy? Guess which one does more damage to society? Single mothers wind up needing more governmental assistance. Making marriages harder to get into AND out of (except in cases of abuse or other heinous issues - speed those through but make everyone else at least try counseling first & have a cool-down waiting period before jumping into the next wedding ceremony) without discriminating by what CONSENTING ADULTS are involved - THAT would make MY marriage feel defended. But you're a guy and having kids doesn't make a new hookup harder to initiate for you ilke it does for women, and you've clearly demonstrated that you only care about your own self-interest via your comments here, so I'm hoping maybe you've not had the opportunity to breed yet. And the Sons of DragonMama are being raised to care about ALL people more than you seem to.
And anyone who does recognize the line is probably a sexagenarian or older, which, of course, would explain a lot about your comments.
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Jason my man, You * ROCK *I love this. words could be better illustrative
"I hereby put out a call to act in love, full self expression, and dialogue to eradicate the hatred and fear that still resides in the hearts of so many who would choose to extinguish the light of another, simply because it shines at a different angle."
I have compassion for those that cannot open to others as they live in suffering. What they carry around is a backpack full of dirty and ignorance and it's very heavy. Yet it's based on fear and stupidity. so bless them for they no not what they are feeling. saying and doing.
angels fly because they take themselves lightly.
Let's hang with the angels,
Ed
See Ed and Deb Shapiro's Profile
Whooops
words * COULD NOT * be better illustrative
Just more Anti-Intel
Suddenly, we are not male and female and suddenly it really doesn't matter that both sexes have complementary sexual organs.
And just as suddenly both religious teaching and millions of years of evolution are wrong...
That's why.
I think a little education might be in order for you...mos have been around just as long as hets.
So what? I'm talking about gay marriage ok?
Yes, as Dr. Elaine Morgan said (though in a different context): "History is strewn with instances when we had it all wrong."
Why can't this be the case here? Just because the Church says one thing, doesn't mean it's true.
And just because you say it doesn't make your version of reality more true.
It's hardly sudden, neither from a religious nor evolutionary perspective. We've always been here, and have even been revered in certain cultures, including Native American ones.
What is it about people forging loving partnerships and asking for societal recognition that inspires animosity? You do realize, don't you, that civil rights always happen eventually, and those who oppose them don't look too good in history's eyes.
If religion, to you, only means the Christian Bible, you can find quite a number of notable LGBT representatives there. Start with Jonathan and David.
Sure, males and females have complimentary sex organs. But making love is far more than just "insert Peg A into Slot B". Making love is any interaction between two souls that extends far beyond just our genitals. It encompasses love and compassion and understanding that lead even some couples to explore physical expression beyond simple missionary position sex for the purposes of procreation. True making love between two partners who feel a deep emotional and, yes, even spiritual bond does not even require the removal of clothing. It is done in the interaction of two people through talking, flirting, laughing, sometimes even arguing that leads to a greater understanding between two souls
So then you tell me why 90% or more of us humans are hetero sexual and the rest homosexual?
So tell me....when did a same sex couple ever form a child and a family between the partners?
If personal dislikes-- hardly an intellectual response. Or is this an argument for physical determinism? Even that is not simple; approximately 1/18,000 births are intersex, meaning indeterminate, and another 1/30,000 are true hermaphrodite.
On nature, read "Evolution's Rainbow" by Joan Roughgarden or "Biological Exuberance" by Bruce Bagemihl for scientific data. Protohuman reproductive human couples with babies would have faced danger. Thus non-breeders are useful. And have time to look at the stars or figure out if something is edible without leaving orphans.
And the time for spiritual reflection. Worldwide, the shamans and healers of ancient cultures have been way disproportionately gay or transgender. See Jamake Highwater, "The Myth of Trangressi
Or how about the authority of experience? I'm trangendered and gay, have a biology degree and a master's in theology. I say that on all grounds we make sense. Like it or not.
The Chaplet of Divine Mercy is a good prayer.
Thank you for a wonderful blog that truly moved me. I'm a straight woman who fully supports gay rights. Believe it or not, there are many of us out there who hurt for you and pull for justice to win out. The haters and biggots will always be a part of society but I truly believe that the day is coming when people can just be people and you will prevail in your fight for equality. When you do win, we as a society will also win.
Huffgirl2:
"When you do win, we as a society will also win!" You hit the nail right on the head. I don't see this as a gay issue, it's a human issue!
Thank you so much for adding your voice to the dialogue.
Love and light ahead!
Jason
Well said.
Worth mentioning too that this is especially important reading for our brothers and sisters who have chosen to live their life in the closet.
Let there be no doubt that the openly gay community understands where you're coming from, true love and acceptance, however, can really only be achieved outside of it.
I sincerely doubt that most heterosexual single males and females are closet gays.
To those of us who are not, if you are gay and decide not to go public, you are no different than anyone else
However, if you decide to go public ...then
YOU ARE IN A CLOSET OF YOUR OWN MAKING.
By definition, heterosexuals are not gay.
Huh?
Chill, dude. I wasn't at all talking about straight people. I was talking about the gay person who, for whatever reason - like religion, or family, or military - are instead living a "lie" inside a closet.
For them, I'm afraid there's not much hope for true love. Indeed, just the opposite.
Very interesting!
I came across this proverb sometime ago and I like to keep it in mind on my life path. " A Gem doesn't get Polished without friction" is a mantra of mine when my path has gotten bumpy. My partner and I have been together for 38 years, we essentially grew up together. We didn't have a map, i.e. role playing. when we discovered our unspeakable Love which has, through evolution become speakable. We have stood tongue tied at the mantras chanted by folks who have no interest in how our relationship has developed but only care to keep it hidden. This is not an Illusion, a shell game or performance piece. Our challenges as individuals have only strengthened our shared goals. Am I one of the lucky ones? Has being centered enough to realize how rich I am in the eyes of the Universe helped us move forward to new challenges with confidence in knowing the obstacles are stepping stones.
If I could take a Pill that would make me a Heterosexual Person, would I? No, because the reality of having lived a life illuminated by the Truth of accepting who I am, has at this stage in my Life, made my future brighter then I ever thought possible. Truth is very liberating.
Thanks Jason, for your persepctive.
Thanks so much for sharing your profoundly and intimately.
I agree too, if I had to do it all over I would choose the same. Adversity and challenges are also our teachers and shape us into the diamonds that we are!
Light ahead!
Jason
Well said Jason!
Jason ... Thank you from my heart for your wonderful blog. As the mom of a gay son and the sister of a gay brother, I've seen both the generational change, as well as, far too slow, acceptance of all in our precious family.
Every part of individual work benefits the whole = )
Giada,
It's one thing to accept a member of your family...
But it is a far reach to now decide that all religious teaching and billions of years of evolution are wrong.
Wow -- "billions of years of evolution" and LGBT people are still around. Why then, SonofLiberty1, hasn't the human race been mutated into what you wish it to be? Could it be that billions of years of evolution are not wrong and we are exactly where we should be. What a pity to spend one's time here on earth not experiencing everything life has to offer. Guess what -- humans are capable of living with open eyes, minds, and hearts. Try it!
Just like how slavery, as promoted by the Bible, has been proven wrong?
How about women as second class citizens, as promoted by the bible? That has been shown to be wrong.
What we have going on today is an evolution.
Closing your mind to those possibilities, only hurts yourself, and keeps you out of balance. Which is I wear a triskelion. As it reminds me to keep these three things (Mind, Body, Spirit) in balance.
Religions that pretend to have the One and Only Truth about Who To Hate are indeed wrong.
As for evolution.
Your son and brother are blessed to have you.
Thank you!
Jason
Giada,
Well said.
Fanned!
"The answer to that question is contingent upon each of us. Whether you are gay or straight, when you stand in the essence of your love and fully express your truth you shine a light upon humanity that cannot be denied. It is in this light that we recognize one another as divine beings. In this place the motivation to stifle another's expression does not exist. "
Truer words couldn't have been spoken.
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