Your Guide To R.E.A.L. Change

More than three weeks into 2009 you have ambitiously begun to tackle resolutions to bring forward in your life changes to enhance your quality of living, health, relationships, and many other areas. Unfortunately, at this point you might also be feeling the beginnings of your resistance to sticking to your resolutions and asking yourself why discipline and will power seems to elude you. Research and surveys indicate that there is a 75% failure rate in first attempts at resolutions. Personally, I don't make resolutions. I, also encourage others not to. Resolutions often set people up for failure. This article outlines a guide for R.E.A.L. (realistic, empowering, aligned, likely) Change that will more effectively support you in achieving your desired goals

My personal experience and experience working with others has consistently shown that there is a failure to accept that creating change does not happen overnight. Rather, change is a process with many components that includes resistance. The best way to manage resistance is to accept that it may very well be inevitable, and plan for it.

In George Leonard's book Mastery, he brilliantly defines homeostasis, specifically, in regards to human beings and the change process. The dictionary defines homeostasis as the tendency for a system (particularly of higher animals) to maintain stability and a state of psychological equilibrium obtained when tension or a drive has been reduced or eliminated. What does this have to do with your new year's resolutions? A lot! What this means is that your physical and psychological system fights to maintain what it perceives as normal or balanced; hence, comfortable. However, in order to really change and grow you have to move beyond your comfort zone. And yes, sometimes moving beyond your comfort zone to create desired change includes sweat and tears.

There are times when I walk into the gym and there is a loud voice in my head yelling, "Oh God, do we have to workout today?!? Can't we just go home, get back in front of the computer and keep writing?" At times it seems it would be so much easier to turn around and leave than actually get through my workout, and on occasion, I have turned around and walked out. However, I also know that this is exactly the resistance that needs to be managed. I know that if I can move beyond that voice, put on my workout clothes, get on the floor and start lifting weights that the voice goes away, my energy goes up, and I am grateful I didn't leave. Also, in order to achieve the results I want from my workouts I have to push my muscles beyond their comfort zone and perceived normalcy. And you know what? It hurts! Sometimes I just don't want to keep pushing. But again, I know that it is moving beyond homeostasis; stretching beyond my comfort zone, that supports my growth on all levels. In addition, the gym is one vivid example of how consistency and discipline in the face of seeming discomfort helps produce results.

Below I've outlined a plan for you that will support you in creating R.E.A.L. Change:

1. Set Goals and Intentions, NOT resolutions
Setting goals and intentions is a more complex process than simply stating a resolution. This includes mapping the big picture and breaking your larger goal into R.E.A.L. actions. R.E.A.L. actions are realistic, empowering, aligned with your overall goal, and likely to be done. For instance, if you're beginning a new workout routine (ideally with a trainer) and have barely set foot in a gym for the past 6 months you're not going to immediately start bench pressing 200 pounds. Rather, you break the goal of 200 pounds into R.E.A.L. actions. This might include starting with 90 pounds, stretching yourself beyond your comfort zone and continuing to work your way up in weight until you eventually reach your desired target of bench pressing 200 pounds.

2. BYOB
BYOB means bust your outdated beliefs. If your goal is to attract a new relationship and you have unconsciously held onto an old negative belief that "Men are unavailable, and uninterested in commitment," this could sabotage your success. Enlist the necessary support to uncover and update the unconscious negative patterns and beliefs that are getting in the way of you achieving your desired results.

3. Schedule Time
Perhaps you have decided that you want to release some undesired weight this year, which includes a workout routine. It does not serve you to arbitrarily throw a specific number of workouts onto your calendar. I see people do this all the time. They say, "I plan to get to the gym 5 times a week." Actually, they don't really plan anything, which sets themselves up for failure. When they do finally pull out the calendar and take a realistic look at how much time they really have, they find that they can only get to the gym 3 times per week. This is a critical element for success as it informs the goal. For instance, knowing that they can only get to the gym three times a week instead of six informs how long it will take to realistically drop the weight.

4. Implement Support Systems
Who said you have to do it alone? I strongly encourage you to enlist the support of a friend, coach, partner, etc. who you fully inform about your intention. Ask this person to help hold you accountable by checking in with you regularly. Invite them to specifically ask what you have accomplished and what your plans for future action are during the check-in. A support system can also include non-people support. For instance, meditating or keeping a journal can be very supportive tools to help get you through the challenging moments on your path to success.

5. Plan for resistance
It is quite likely that you will hit some bumps along the way. Life happens, and as previously illustrated, we have a natural inclination to maintain comfort and normalcy. However, if you know this ahead of time you can plan to manage it. Simply being aware that this is a likely phenomenon will support you in moving through it when it shows up. I even encourage you to ask yourself what some of your typical resistance patterns are (i.e. procrastination, distractions, over committing to things that will pull your attention) and set up resources to manage yourself. I now have two computers. One of them is strictly for work and I have made an agreement with myself that when I am on the "work" computer I will not engage in frivolous online surfing that encourages distraction and procrastination.

6. Celebrate Milestones
I know for me it easy to get into the mindset of always feeling like I must do more and constantly do what appears to take me closer to success. However, sometimes moving closer towards success means taking a break and acknowledging yourself for what you have accomplished. It is easy to overlook current accomplishments when we have not yet reached the goal. However, it is the little accomplishments along the way that are the true success. The goal in and of itself is just a destination. So acknowledge yourself, set up times for personal celebration and doing what you love. For me, something as simple as going to the theater can be a celebration. I love the theater. Going to the theater is a gift to me and so when I have theater tickets I am even more driven to achieve little successes. This way going to the theater is truly a gift and a way for me to acknowledge myself for what I have accomplished.

You can create change for yourself! But it doesn't happen overnight, and it doesn't occur in a vacuum. It occurs amidst the sometimes chaotic glory of our every day existence. Therefore, it is critical to intentionally set yourself up for success by implementing support systems, plans, and celebration. In addition, be good to yourself, particularly when the change you are striving for gets uncomfortable. And remember, embracing what is unfamiliar or uncomfortable can indeed result in some of your greatest breakthroughs to having the life you desire.

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To learn more about R.E.A.L Change e-mail Jason at [e-mail] or go to www.jmannino.com.

Comments

[coachniquenya]

I love the BYOB concept. This is a really great approach to formulating actionable goals.

To your dynamic success and happy living!

Coach Niquenya

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi Jason- compassionate and caring blog. I laughed when I read about the gym.

I have my routine and go to the gym everyday. I hear myself at times say, "Why am I doing this I don't want to look like all those perfect looking bodies they all look alike why not just go home."

Your R.E.A.L. points are well thought out and great. The resistance one is something we all confront. I breathe into resistance and keep going.

Thanks, Cheers,

Ed

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed. I appreciate your support and encouragement!!

Take care!
Jason

[One more Thing]

I've already mastered point #2: BYOB

BMOB, busted my out dated Obama beliefs, after he nominated tax cheaters Geitner and Daschle and former lobbyists.

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

I am glad you are doing the work to update beliefs that no longer work for you, and in so doing resolving judgment. It is great to hear about others doing the work!

Take care!
Jason

[Anne Naylor - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear Jason,

Really good post, thank you!

You make it very clear how we have a choice about creating the life we really want to lead and the price we pay to achieve it. Your 6 points make sense to me and are practical to put into practice.

I appreciate your setting out this information in a very accessible way.

With love and blessings to you,
Anne

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks, Ann!

I relly appreciate your feedback, and I am glad you got something from the article.

Blessings!
Jason

[ConsciousCreations]

Jason,
I love this one! It's quite brilliant. Yes, the brain/body connection want to maintain what is currently perceived to be Homeostasis - though, your "benchmark" for what you can do and handle in life continues to grow and expand as one dismisses or overcomes the resistance - whichever way works best for the individual. At times, it takes the realization that the way one is living their life is no longer acceptable nor enjoyable - in order to create the proper motivation and much needed inspiration to experience the "threshold" of resistance - move through it - and finally beyond it to quite literally a whole new experience of what one defines as "reality". You can change (almost) any and everything about yourself if you only have the desire and drive to make it happen - WHATEVER IT TAKES! make resistance your friend, welcome it, and say goodbye to it as you pass it by into a more authentic and improved version of YOU! It's your life - you have to live it - good or bad, your choice! ;)

be well and continued success with your writings

blessings and abundance,
eric kiszely

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Eric

Thanks so much for sharing your insight and feedback! I am so glad you have pushed yourself beyond your comfort zone with success and have the experience to know and share what this really means!!

Blessings!
Jason

[muscleboundH]

Nice article. The part about PLAN FOR RESISTANCE is SO GOOD! I think it is something we struggle with every day when we battle to achieve our short term/mid and into long-term goals. And of course they affect each other tightly.

Of course my favorite part is rewarding myself for achievement. :O)

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Yes, planning for resistance is so key to the process, I'm glad you got that!

Take care!
Jason

[Jason Mannino - Huffpost Blogger]

Eli,

Thanks for your feedback. I really appreciate it. I love sharing this space with, and as I said in my comment on your post, our articles really compliment one another this week. I Love it!

[Eli Davidson - Huffpost Blogger]

As an executive coach I see the same dynamic with my clients.

I love BYOB ! Busting Your Own Beliefs is key in change. Keeping a Limiting Beliefs Diary can be a way to get conscious of the limiting thinking that is clogging the filter of the good that can come your way.

It is such a joy to read your wonderful post with such a clear and easy to implement road map for change.

Thanks again,
Eli Davidson