Rep. Mike Coffman's "apology" for saying President Obama isn't an American "in his heart" has turned into a multi-part series, with dark overtones, disappearances, repeat episodes, and passion.
It's been so gripping that it's worth a quick review, especially because a new installment will almost certainly play out on your TV screen soon.
You recall that when 9News first aired "Coffman's Birther Moment," with Coffman's insult of Obama, Coffman said he misspoke, and he apologized, but not fully:
COFFMAN: "I don't believe the president shares my belief in American Exceptionalism. His policies reflect a philosophy that America is but one nation among many equals," the statement read. "As a Marine, I believe America is unique and based on a core set of principles that make it superior to other nations."
A defensive apology, written as if to send a wink to the birthers out there who might have been offended by Coffman's remorseful correction about Obama's heart.
Coffman's "remorse" displays the same shifting loyalties, the same undercurrents, that you'll find this summer in the trashy novels you'll be reading on your front porch.
Then Coffman wrote a letter to the Denver Post with a full-out, nondefensive apology, just what you'd expect after a defensive apology is issued.
A twist in the plot, adding intensity just when you thought you were losing interest, comes when Coffman, confronted by 9News, apologizes five times in a row, saying the same apologetic words unapologetically in response to five different questions, including, "Is there anything I can ask you that you'll answer differently?"
Two days later, on the Conservative Caplis and Silverman radio show, Coffman said that "to some extent" he'd apologized for political reasons.
Another wink to the birthers! Down deep, is Coffman's own heart in the birther camp?
On KHOW, he also said of the birthers: "God bless those people; they're well-meaning people," and he said, "I understand their passion."
Passion!
Meanwhile, in a dark reality beneath our own, KHOW radio-host Peter Boyles called Coffman's apology "weenie", saying on the air, "Dude, you could have said, by the way, what about that Social Security number, how about that draft number..."
If you listened to him talking about Coffman on the radio, Boyles sounded like a jilted lover. How could his dearest Coffman retract a brave statement like Obama is "just not an American" in his heart?
This story has to continue boiling again this summer, adding an overlay of drama to your summer's fiction list.
Coffman is not talking to the media anymore. He's vanished, like bad guys in novels will do.
But at some point, probably sooner rather than later, Coffman will materialize, and he'll surely face questions from reporters about the many and varied iterations of his apology for his birther moment.
When that happens, you'll want to put down your book, even if it's something like Fifty Shades of Gray, and pay attention.