My father says I should use a pseudonym. "They won't publish you if they see your name. They'll know you're not one of them. They'll know you're one of us." This has never occurred to me, at least not in a serious way. "No publisher in America's going to reject my poems because I have a foreign name," I reply. "Not in 2002." I argue, "These are educated people. My name won't be any impediment." Yet in spite of my faith in the egalitarian attitude of editors and the anonymity of book contests, I understand my father's angle on the issue.
With his beard shaved and his hair shorn, his turban undone and left behind in Bolina Doaba, Punjab--the town whose name we take as our own--he lands at Heathrow in 1965, a brown boy of 18 become a Londoner. His circumstance then must seem at once exhilarating and also like drifting in a lifeboat: necessary, interminable. I imagine the English of the era sporting an especially muted and disdainful brand of racism toward my alien father, his brother and sister-in-law, toward his brother-in-law and sister, his nieces and nephews, and the other Indians they befriend on Nadine Street, Charlton, just east of Greenwich. The sense of exclusion arrives over every channel, dull and constant.
At least one realtor, a couple of bankers, and a few foremen must have a different attitude. One white supervisor at the industrial bakery my father labors in invites him home for dinner. The Brit wants to offer an introduction to his single daughters. He knows my father's a hard worker, a trait so commonly attributed to the immigrant it seems sometimes a nationality unto itself, and maybe the quietude of the nonnative speaker appeals to the man's sense of civility.
As a result he finds my father humble, upstanding, his complexion a light beach sand indicative of a vigor exceeding that of the pale English suitors who come calling. In my imagination, my father's embarrassed and placid demeanor, his awkward formality in that setting, is charming to the bashful, giggly daughters, and this impresses the supervisor even further. But nothing much comes of that evening. My father never visits again. He marries my mother, another Sikh Punjabi also, a few years later, but that event is evidence that one Englishman considered my father the man, not my father the "paki."
Alexandra Marvar: Aaron Belz on Poetry and His Eventual Book Balls or Yo, Chechnya
This is a partial reading. Assimilating means getting along, not destroying one's identity. Rather, it means to broaden it. Those who see other cultures and traditions as a threat wall themselves into ghettos, rich or poor. People don't care who eats pork; they care if you won't touch a single dish at the barbecue, will openly turn up your nose at everything offered, or will refuse even to come.
Those who are not prepared to mix with others will always find others threatening or demeaning. The truth is, it is natural to want to hang onto our habits, outlooks, and traditions. But when joining new groups of people, much less new societies, one must not just have pride in where one comes from but allow others the same sort of pride in where they come from. You can't join anything by rejecting the new. Yet so many reject the very societies and people they choose to join.
Much of this is about how intimidating basic socialization is , especially with those unlike oneself in obvious ways. To couch it in terms of prejudice is perversely soothing because it takes away one's own responsibilities and negates every missed opportunity, affirms every worst and saddest fear.
it takes an excellent snapshot of our social experiment in America.
and what of the self or identity is not the condition or conditioning of the environment one is found in? and of that what is material for synthesis?
There will always be some unreasonable expectation or even outright prejudice. But while some stresses are inescapable, some are opportunities. Two people can't shake hands without both putting a hand forward. A common and natural reaction to difference and new stimuli is fear and withdrawal, even resentment. However, the stress of socialization comes not only from where we are, but who we are. We can do our part to reach out, too, and to see and value the hand that is extended toward us. It is easy to paint oneself in a corner socially and then say it happened through everyone's fault but one's own.
Two people both want to shake hands, to meet in the middle somewhere. Because we are all human, there will always be ways we can share with and appreciate each other. But there will always be the temptation to say it cannot or must not be done, that the other is unworthy, and that we are sufficient unto ourselves.
The only difference is my parents would never tell me to "write like a straight white girl" (no shade to your dad, i love him :). I was born to a more revolutionary set of individuals. I also attended an HBCU which further strengthened my confidence to be myself and be true to my values as a black woman in America.
Most importantly though, I read this book "The Psychotechnology of Brainwashing". This book changed my life instantly and i've excelled in almost everything I put forth effort into afterwards. Graduated Magna Cum Laude and I currently have a 4.0 GPA 1/2 way through my Masters program.
And although assimilation is inevitable, I still identify with my 'blackness' regardless of how its viewed and skewed by the dominant culture.
Not even sure if what I said made any sense or is relative at all, but I wanted to share lol. Thanks.
No need to drag out my own story, but suffice it to say, I've had these same experiences. With my White friends, I was accepted to the extent that I ceased to be Black in their eyes. From my Black peers, I was seen as wanting to be White and therefore rejected. Quite the predicament. In my little part of the world, I'm seeing more and more integration instead of assimilation, which I think is amazing, and I hold out hope that the generations after me will be able to benefit from and continue this forward movement.
In regard to the US: I don't think "race" will cease to be an issue for as long as countries like the United States use the term 'race'. Race is the type of word that is a relic from the racialist point of view, which was proven to be invalid. All humans have the same DNA, so there is no such thing as race. At least not on the way that it is used in the US to distinguish cultural difference and that's the problem; a word like ethnicity should be used, not race.
Every time I read the word 'race', especially when it is used in my (published in the US) psychology text books, I really can't separate it from racialism (which is inherently racist).
It's all coming to a head now, as the election of an ethnically Black President forebodes the rapidly diminishing majority of European American and the death throes of the White privilege (s)he enjoyed for generations - indeed, since the inception of this nation.
The transition will be as painful and as long as the denial that accompanies White privilege survives...
I would've paid serious money to adopt your name during my struggle to obtain tenure-track university job! Seriously.
to soothe all the racial tensions.
Amazingly ironic and hypocritical.
I can safely speak for myself and my friends when i say, we would never acknowledge, read, or contribute to any forum called "White Voice".
Absolutely thoughtless and the epitome of bad judgment.
You are oblivious to such things because, as part of the dominant culture, your needs are served by what appears in the mainstream.
Demographically, the mainstream is rapidly changing, which brings you to utter such inanities as "I can't imagine why race would still be an issue." quite simply because you have lived the sheltered life of one who has enjoyed the benefits of White privilege...Enjoy it while you can, your days as a minority - like everybody else - are approaching....
In spite of your racial bias, you are very well-spoken, so I commend you for that.
The "sheltered" life I've lived may not be quite what you think it is. But that is another story for another day.
You obviously are not concerned with subverting racial feelings, but rather advancing your own cause, which, i gather from your response, is vengeance and vindication.
I believe you helped me make my own point. There is no way to drop the race issue, when there are forums called "Black Voices". It does provide people such as yourself with a vehicle to further your own remedy for your own perceived bruised feelings. I don't dislike black people just for being black, and I don't intend to ever hold any hatred towards anybody of any race.
Maybe we can change this forum to "American Voices". Then we can all unite, standing side by side, in an effort to make this country stronger.
Now that would be a constructive idea.
Anybody would be villified for even trying to create a forum with that name. It's amazing to me that I'm actually trying to help suppress racism against blacks with my posts, and I keep getting thrown to the wolves.
If you want to incite racial emotions with "Black Voices", "Black Entertainment Television", etc. why should you let someone like me get in the way. I'm just the one trying to point out to you how all of it is perceived. If the cause is to create unity to help the black man achieve dominance over the white man, then it is probably doing it's job.
If the cause is to help lower racism, this forum is doing damage to your cause.
Only you can choose which battle you're fighting for.
I think you're right that people are probably kidding themselves if they think they are oblivioius to race. I know I'm not, and that's in a way of trying to be aware of other people's sensibilties, at least.
Thinking of the "you're so Americanised" comment by that lady, I think the first thought that would have come to me would be someone's accent. American accent means American person, whatever race; it's the same with the generations of Australian kids who are of various Asian backgrounds. The accent says "Aussie" wherever they might have been born; one wouldn't be so silly as to assume that non-white means foreign.
I am an aspiring nwriter, and one of the trends I noticed in my 4 out of 6 rejection letters from agencies is "due to the nature of the industry." In other words, they fear a story with black characters won't sell.