With the unfortunate controversy surrounding a Russian World Champion Ice Dancing team's recent "tribute" to aboriginal people, the Vancouver Tourism Bureau would like to offer this informative Q & A to aid in your enjoyment of this frequently misunderstood event. Enjoy!
Q: I'm sorry, did you say Ice Dancing? Dancing....on ice?
A: Yes! Since 1976, in fact. Olympic history buffs will be interested to know that ice dancing narrowly beat out several other sports that were also up for consideration that year, including competitive Jacuzzi and synchronized snow plow.
Q: Are there any rules in ice dancing?
Q: What should I look for?
A: A true fan of ice dancing looks first and foremost at the outfit. Toreador uniforms, pirate tunics, anything worn by Cher. The importance of the outfit simply cannot be understated. A couple could win the gold by just doing the Hustle for four minutes if the number featured sufficient amounts of pleather and matching Afro wigs.
Q: Are than any wardrobe limitations at all?
A: Just one: "The outfit must not give the effect of excessive nudity inappropriate for an athletic sport." This is also known as the "no pasties" rule. [N.B. Curling and Luge have similar restrictions.]
Q: I've heard that ice dancing can be very sensual. Is it family friendly?
A: More than ever! Sadly, many people still associate the sport with the '88 Games when it was determined that the French team simply dry humped in rhythm for a good portion of their original skate.
Q: How is ice dancing different than pairs skating?
A: There is no lifting or other strength moves permitted in ice dancing.
Q: How is it different than the Ice Capades?
A: The Ice Capades does not award medals.
Q: Has ice dancing been affected by the same judging scandals as in other recent Olympic skating events?
A: Yes. The IOC enacted rule changes after the Salt Lake City Games, where the Russians took gold despite a nasty spill by the female that left her unconscious and crumpled on the ice, a spastic leg twitch her sole contribution for the last half of the performance. Although the judges were vindicated when replays showed that her leg was, in fact, twitching to the beat.
Q: Has ice dancing been tainted by the performance-enhancing drug scandals currently afflicting other sports?
A: Quite the contrary. Ice Dancing is one of the few sports that encourages performance-enhancers! In fact, many of you might be interested to know that the competitors often aid their performance by ingesting many of the same substances -- Vodka Red Bulls, Jaeger shots, a hit of Ecstasy -- that you take for that extra boost of confidence on the dance floor.
Q: Is that why one of the skaters started licking the ice during the last Games?
Q: My neighbor thinks I'm crazy but I swear I saw the silver medalists' from the last Games smoking during their free skate. Did I?
A: Good eyes! Yes, the French pair was, in fact, smoking during the free skate. Another little known fact about ice dancing is that competitors are allowed to smoke discreetly at any point during their program. However, this rule has been revisited after numerous complaints from health organizations and, thus, this year all smoking will be relegated to the post-skate score booth.
Q: Do the competitors choose their own music?
A: Yes and no. Competitors are free to choose their own music so long as it comes from the Celine Dion oeuvre. This rule has grown in importance since the American pair made the questionable decision to hit the ice to Ol' Dirty Bastard's "You Don't Want to Fuck With Me."
Q: Any surprises on board for this year?
A: You bet. Rumor has it that the Canadians have nailed the Centipede in several recent competitions and there is hope that the Swiss will attempt the first ever quadruple Running Man in Olympic competition. No one's cleanly landed one yet.
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