The next abusers of Rihanna are likely to be her young, female fans. The New York Times' Jan Hoffman wrote an amazing piece on teen fans of Rihanna and Chris Brown that seems counter-intuitive and will shock many adults:
"While thousands of teenagers have certainly turned on Mr. Brown, many others -- regardless of race or gender -- defend him, often at Rihanna's expense."
They support the female singers on their way up, but turn on them once they date a celebrity or are perceived to be celebrities themselves. After that, to a teenage girl, they are competition.
Over the years as a music publicist I have seen this phenomenon first hand. While in Chicago to meet with NSync, Justin Timberlake was beside himself, literally jumping on the sofa in his dressing room while telling me that he and Britney Spears were back together. Both were just starting out and this was still a well-guarded secret that even a teenage pop star understood. I didn't have to finish the thought, "You know you can't tell anyone," I said.
"Of course not. It will ruin her career," he said.
We were both keenly aware of this fact. Justin's mother, Lynn Harless, was managing a girl band named, Innosense. Their label, BMG, was promoting them as the next Spice Girls. That is, until the news broke that one of the girls in the quintet was dating one of the Backstreet Boys, during the height of their fame. The female audience was ruthless. They threw condoms at the band while they performed and held up signs with vulgar slogans to demonstrate their dissatisfaction.
Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes also understood this odd dynamic with the fans. She famously burned down her boyfriend, Andre Risen's, house after a vicious beating, but preferred to be thought of as crazy than a victim of abuse. She called me after an interview with VH1 in which she discussed the incident, telling me she never wanted to talk about it.
Lisa was one of the smartest and strongest artists with whom I had ever worked. She knew there was no sympathy for abuse victims from young people. Imagine my surprise when she not only reconciled with Risen, but, announced her engagement to him live on JoJo Wrights radio show at LA's KIIS-FM (which she later broke off).
Reaching back even further, Tiffany (yes, from the mall) told me that when she started to date Jonathan Knight of New Kids on the Block, they knew to keep their relationship quiet.
Many young performers have no strong role models, rather, parents more interested in being an entourage to their meal ticket (Nick/Aaron Carter, Miley). Thankfully, this doesn't seem to be the case with Rihanna. However, media reports, if they can be trusted, say she isn't reaching out to her family right now for support, rather, to industry insiders.
That's too bad, because the fans might not be there to support her. Sure, the adults in the media are behind her all the way, but she has to sell music, merchandise and consumer products to an audience who now see her as someone who has damaged their beloved Chris Brown - man of their teenage dreams.
The one who will most likely benefit from this is, in fact, Mr. Brown. The young female fans who buy music and whatever else he is selling, are behind him. It might even roughen up his image for young men.
He is likely to have more to worry about from Jay-Z, than the throngs of adoring young girls - and the money from sales and endorsements will follow the audience.
Rihanna, on the other hand, has two opposing audiences to please. The young people who buy her music and the adults that make marketing, journalism and creative decisions. Oprah has a strong voice, but her audience doesn't buy Rihanna's products.
Stay strong!
Follow Jay Marose on Twitter: www.twitter.com/jaymarose
And, I have one final, if not controversial recommendation for females finding themselves in situations similar to Rhianna's: Take a marksmanship course. Women are surprised to find out they often have a knack for handling firearms, learn shooting skills quickly, and gaining this skill builds confidence. And, even though a woman may never actually own her own gun, men tend to respect the fact that she knows how to shoot one.
Put bluntly: A man will think twice about hitting his woman, and then sleeping soundly beside her in the same room where he keeps his gun.
They are both abusers and victims in this relationship.
Is it safer to torture a 19 year old kid.
One of the Jay Z incidents is on Youtube
However, the terrible truth is that most abusers have already been punished, usually by enduring abuse during their childhoods. I share the anger at abusers (male and female), but If we oversimplify the dynamics of domestic violence, neither victims nor abusers can ever get the help they need.
Batterers ARE criminals. But they are real people -- not villains. We would never fall in love, or trust them with our love, in the first place if they were so obviously horrific. In some ways, our insistence on painting such black and white terms blames the victim: “How could she have fallen in love with such an awful man?” The truth is far more complex and dangerous.
It was hard to recognize that I was being abused, and harder still to leave my abusive partner, but I have gotten tremendous solace and support by sharing my story in my book Crazy Love and on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEsElsHrvC0.
Please join The Crazy Love Project, a safe place for people to share stories of surviving abusive love (anonymously if you prefer).
I hope one day we hear Rihanna’s story — and Chris Brown’s -- and yours.
Leslie Morgan Steiner
http://www.lesliemorgansteiner.com
As for Brown, I hope Jay Z beats the crap out of him. Then he could see how it feels to be on the receiving end.
Good luck to you and your family,....
When I was about your age , I dated a guy that was really bad for me , he cheated on me constantly.
Made jokes about my weight( I wasn't fat at all) & made me feel stupid and unlovable. But he also taught me how to dance ,art and lots of other fine things.
It took me a while to come around, because my self esteem was at an all time low. I eventually realized I couldn't change him and I deserved better and I left. It was not easy,but my real friends helped me through that period of my life and I am stronger for it.
I hope rihanna realizes this ,too. But I think it is mighty unfair that her fans bail on her now, after she has gotten beat up by her boyfriend and had her battered face thrown all over the media.
I still turn up the radio loud when I hear Umbrella or S.O.S. They are good songs.
She'll get blamed for bringing the charges, but she doesn't have control over what happens with them. So, she'll learn not to take charges next time.
Millions of women globally live daily with domestic violence - as someone with a media platform, Rihanna should have been outspoken and denounced the abuse. I suppose this could be related to battered women's syndrome, but how do we combat the problem? MEN have to come out against Chris Brown. Thank goodness Jay-Z showed some respect for Rihanna.
This disgusts me! I'm 21, but I will NEVER buy another Rihanna album.