"Hey babe, what's up?"
You might be thinking this is a casual greeting or, when mingled with a head nod and a smirk, quite possibly the worst attempt at initiating a conversation with a girl. Look through your average college student's text message outbox, however, between the waning hours of 1 a.m. and 3 a.m. (or maybe later based on last call at your local bars) and you'll see this line peppered throughout, plagued with spelling mistakes and errant punctuation.
What's a guy (or girl) to do when his quest for a bed-mate ends with less success than the New Jersey Nets? With the selection of girls out on a Tuesday night, things didn't look promising from the onset and spilling your drink on the brunette at the bar killed the mood faster than Kanye West at the VMA's. Following that up with your, "We should get you out of those wet clothes," retort definitely didn't redeem the scene, so off into the night you walk alone -- pockets slightly lighter, gait more uncoordinated -- back to the empty bed you didn't make this morning.
But then again, just because the bars are closed, there are still plenty of other fish in the sea...fish that haven't had $5 Long Island Iced Teas thrust over their Forever21 dress. So, out comes the BlackBerry. A flurry of fingers later, six different girls have received the same poorly spelled rendition of the above message or one of its equally effective alternatives ("you still up," "what are u doing," and the no-nonsense "yo you should come over" are all winners in their own rights). The reel has been cast and now it's time to wait for any bites.
Our penchant for technology has only made our quest for companionship easier. Want to test if the girl you want has even the slightest interest in what you're doing without putting yourself out there completely? Send along that blank "accidental" text message to see if she'll respond because she's curious how it came to her inbox. Not the best ice breaker, but it'll open the channels of communication and with some charm and luck maybe it'll open some legs. Still up checking Facebook at 2 a.m.? I see you on my Facebook Chat and I'll crack open the window of small talk into an invitation for you to come "watch a movie." Who starts a movie at 2 a.m.? By the time we get 20 minutes in I'll be making out with you and then use the cues of the movie to know how long the sex is lasting (yeah, I've seen "Super Troopers" that many times. I'm probably even reciting the lines in my head while we're intimate. Well not "probably", I am). Sure, you can carpe diem, but with the late-night text you're saying you're ready to carpe a.m. And if your text buddy doesn't respond, don't sweat it -- just tell yourself they're asleep and crawl under the sheets yourself, it's a new day tomorrow. Well, it's 2 in the morning, so I guess it's a new day today...
You can't blame us for innocently texting you about how you're doing at 1 a.m. but it's obvious you know what's implied. So if you're interested too, we've clipped away the frills. My pleasantries were four words long and written on the screen of your phone. Now you're walking through the snow to my house, staying up way too late considering the 10:10 class you probably won't be attending the following morning. Still, we each got we wanted. Whether you've got the nation's largest 3G coverage or can surf the web while you talk on the phone, when there's no one on your arm, know that there is someone on the other end of the line, awake at 3 a.m., waiting for those four little words.
"Hey babe, what's up?"
See you in my bed in 10...