WASHINGTON -- Federal Trade Commission Chairman Jon Leibowitz today announced a record fine against Santa Claus for violations of the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act.
"Mr. Claus has flagrantly violated children's privacy, collecting their consumer preferences for toys and also tracking their behavior so as to judge and maintain a data base of naughtiness and niceness," Leibowitz said. "Worse, he has tied this data to personally identifiable information, including any child's name, address, and age. He has solicited this information online, in some cases passing data to third parties so they may fulfill children's wishes. According to unconfirmed reports, he has gone so far as to invade children's homes in the dead of night. He has done this on a broad scale, unchallenged by government authorities for too long."
Claus was fined $2 million and ordered to end any contact with children. Prior COPPA fines include $1 million against now-virtually-unknown social site Xanga, $400,000 against UMG Recordings, and $35,000 against notorious toymaker Etch-a-Sketch.
The FTC action follows similar complaints against Claus brought by European privacy authorities. European Commission Vice-President Viviane Reding has complained about Claus holding data on children outside of EU data-protection standards in North Pole server farms. German head of consumer protection Ilse Aigner has called for an investigation of Claus' use of Google Street View in navigating his Christmas Eve visits. German Federal Commissioner for Data Protection and Freedom of Information Peter Schaar has demanded that Claus give children, naughty or nice, the right to be forgotten in his data base. And Thilo Weichert, head of the privacy protection office in the German state of Schleswig-Holstein, demanded that German web sites take down any Facebook "Like" button referring to Claus.
Meanwhile, Canadian Privacy Commissioner Jennifer Stoddart has attempted to bring together an international coalition of privacy officers opposed to Claus' practices. In California, Claus has been threatened with severe penalties for nonpayment of the state sales tax. And the UK has vowed that Claus will be detained and could face extradition should he set foot in any English chimneys on Christmas Eve.
Reaction to the FTC decision was mixed in Washington. Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry vowed to kill the Federal Trade Commission, relieved that he had finally recalled the final agency he had marked for death. Rival Newt Gingrich suggested that Claus apply for U.S. citizenship, "having contributed much to U.S. industry by stimulating greed at all ages; we need more Clauses and more spending to fix this Democrat-ruined economy." Ron Paul suggested that Claus set up a Libertarian nation at the North Pole and offered to run for office there. Herman Cain, whose candidacy remains on hold after allegations of sexual improprieties, said that he "always wondered why the old coot didn't get in hot water for plopping kiddies on his lap; seemed a lot creepier than anything I ever did." President Barack Obama refused comment.
From his North Pole headquarters, Claus said through a spokesman that he endeavored only to fulfill children's dreams. "I regret that the world has come to this: treating any adult who wants to make a child happy as a dangerous stranger," he said. "The problem with our modern world is not technology but fear, suspicion, and cynicism." He vowed to continue his Christmas mission of joy. "What's the worst they can do to me?" he asked, "cookie me?"
Contact: Elfelman Public Relations