THE BLOG
07/27/2010 12:58 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Get Rich Cheating: Hayward's Severance

Aspiring cheaters, CEOs, and other crooks:

Tony Hayward is getting about $18 million to ruin BP and the Gulf. Just the latest in a long line of well-deserved payouts. Like Eisner (Disney, $220 million), Nardelli (Home Depot, $210M), Raines (Fannie Mae, $148M), McKinnell (Pfizer, $213M), and, of course, Satan (Heaven, $666M).

(Some of these severance packages are called "Golden Parachutes" because you jump from the powerless airplane of your company and gently float onto a pile of gold money).

They made almost as much getting fired from their job as they did doing their job. Isn't that fantastic? They got paid to stink, you should, too. When you become a corporate CEO and you do things right -- and by "right" I mean "running the company into the ground" -- you're going to get fired. Your strategy, then, should be to simply perform poorly enough to get a really bitchin' severance package.

Now, please, go forth and Get Rich Cheating.

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GET RICH CHEATING -- A Boston Globe Bestseller
"You'll be laughing all the way to the bank, assuming other cheaters haven't forced it into bankruptcy yet." - Rachel Maddow
"Catcher in the Rye for evildoers" - Penthouse Magazine
"A very funny book with a very timely message." - Terry Jones (Monty Python)