03/18/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

One Page In Cheating

Not content to wait for "This Week In Cheating," a single newspaper page held enough cheating for a whole seven days. Business page B3 of the New York Times on Wednesday, October 21 held these four, and only these four, stories:

"State Street Bank Accused of Fraud by California"
They overcharged a couple pensions for fraudulent foreign exchange trades.
Their defense: "We just figured you were too dumb to understand... or, if you did, you wouldn't have the resources to come after us. I mean, we did bankrupt the State of California, figured that was better than hiring defense attorneys. Best defense is a good offense, am I right, health insurance industry?"

"Steps to Greater Accountability in Medical Education"

The continuing education courses doctors must take are really just drug company marketing pitches.
You mean there's an alternative motive behind the pass/fail class "How to make all boo-boos benefit Pfizer?" It's sorta like the Association of Bank Robbers and Stabby-Stabbers funding continuing legal education. "Yeah, um, see here, lawyers, there's a new rule, right: I'm now allowed to do whatever I want, right. It's from the case of You Scratch My Back v. I'll Scratch Yours."

"F.D.A. to Clarify Standards For the Front of Food Labels"

There's something fishy about Froot Loops and mayonnaise being called a "Smart Choice."
Well, it is a smart choice if you want your child to die. Still, it's better than the previous labels: "Part of a healthy breakfast... if that breakfast includes juice, eggs, fiber, and an angioplasty."

"Inquiry to Focus on Royalty Rates for Oil Shale Program"
The Bush administration - six days before leaving office - gave 30,000 acres of shale leases to oil companies for only a 5% royalty, instead of the standard 16.7%.
Why would anyone suspect Bush's Interior Department of improper behavior? Aren't they the ones who traded leases for sex & drugs? What's wrong with that? And surely Bush, an oil man, must have known that such a deal would be an unfair windfall to the oil industry, and why would he want that? I mean, um ... Obama's a socialist!


Jeff Kreisler's first book, "Get Rich Cheating," is a Boston Globe Bestseller and can be purchased in fine bookstores or online.
"You'll be laughing all the way to the bank, assuming other cheaters haven't forced it into bankruptcy yet." - Rachel Maddow (MSNBC)
"Catcher in the Rye for evildoers" - Penthouse Magazine
"A very funny book with a very timely message." - Terry Jones (Monty Python)
"This is THE book to read in the unemployment line." - Lizz Winstead (Co-creator of The Daily Show)
"Laugh out loud - roaring!" - CNBC
"A brilliant and brilliantly sustained satirical broadside. On just about every page, you'll find a pithy, pointed barb worthy of the late great George Carlin." - Tony Hendra (National Lampoon, Father Joe)