Al Sharpton: Comedy Critic and Dictator

How sad to see Don Imus submit to a ridiculous verbal assault by the not so nappy-headed Al Sharpton, who thinks Imus should be fired from his CBS Radio and MSNBC television jobs for having told an edgy joke. As nothing about these employers is really the issue here, Sharpton presumably would also object to another outfit hiring Imus. That's fair. One controversial comment, and kiss your career goodbye. Maybe all comedians who offend the portly preacher should be banished from show business.

Sharpton contends Imus should be held to a higher standard than, say, Chris Rock, because Imus frequently interviews politicians. Seriously. That's Sharpton's position. In the world according to Al, performers whose work is racist or sexist are allowed to earn a living, unless and until they host a show that books elected representatives or candidates as guests on the program.

I say Al Sharpton is a racist, because he's imposing a requirement on a white performer that he has not imposed on any black performer. Furthermore, I am in GREAT MENTAL ANGUISH about this matter. In fact, it would not be enough for Sharpton to apologize. No, the pain is far too great. The only acceptable remedy is for Sharpton to be relieved of his radio gig and to have his left testicle removed by an alligator. I know it sounds harsh, but that's what I need. I'm upset, I'm lusting for Al to be tormented, and nothing else matters.

Did I mention how shocked and distressed I am?