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Jeff Wald Headshot

Why I'm Starting the No Bullshit Party and Running for President

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After watching the so-called first Republican debate the other night in Iowa, I wanted to imitate Peter Finch in Network and open my window and scream that "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more!"

My only alternative is to announce today that I am running for president and creating a new party to combat the people who pretend to be all about freedom but who are the very ones threatening our freedoms.

My party's called the No Bullshit Party and like Grover Norquist with his "no new taxes pledge," I am asking anyone who joins our party to sign a pledge to accept "no more bullshit" in politics.

In the interest of the No Bullshit Pledge, I am asking Roger Ailes to rename Fox News Channel to Fox Bullshit Channel. Here's some easy-to-spot bullshit to get us started:

Rupert Murdoch's employees hacking phones in the UK, and Murdoch denying any knowledge. Who created that cultural climate if not he?

All the bullshit talk about the deficit. We need sound fiscal policy, but not by hijacking the debt rating of the United States and holding it hostage. Also, when you won't raise taxes on those who can not only afford them, but who end up paying less than the poor folks, you gut your income stream. We all know what happens when you spend more than you bring in. Just ask Main Street Americans who've suffered through the financial community's rape of America these past three years.

Clinton did not raise the debt limit once in his eight years in office. He left us a balanced budget and a surplus. While the Republican's messiah, Ronald Reagan, raised it 11 times!

Like a bull in a china shop, Bush jr. put us in two wars that we cannot win and that have cost us trillions of dollars and thousands of American lives. Yeah, you break it, you bought it, but we should have learned our lessons in Vietnam about not being able to win an insurgency war far from home. And if that is too far back in our collective memories, how about learning from the Russian failure after nine years of trying to win a war in Afghanistan. What is it? Our turn?

We were not at war with anyone during the Clinton years.

The War on Drugs is bullshit of the highest order. It's less successful than Prohibition, which was repealed. We have spent over a trillion dollars, not including the cost of 74% of our over two million prisoners are in jail for non-violent drug related offenses. The 'War on Drugs' isn't even reducing traffic congestion. I'd pay for that.

It costs us over $50,000 per year to incarcerate someone, while we spend only about $8,500 per year average per student nationally. Oh, and "Just say 'NO'" to drugs, as well as cautions against premarital sex, have almost no effect. While my thirteen-year-old daughter is not having sex or doing drugs, the word "NO" with no honest explanation is like a red cape to a bull. Especially when the bull knows that the person saying NO probably got high whenever they could afford it, and still did well enough to send the kids to private school.

It's bullshit that so many of us didn't protest or push our elected representatives when Clinton's presidency was diminished and marginalized by a blow job. Would you elect someone stupid enough to admit it? Presidents lie as a matter of course. Some worse than others. Blow jobs are high on the list of getting, but on the list of lying, not so much.

Some of our bullshit representatives allowed a fringe group to spend $41,000,000 on the Whitewater investigation with the result that Susan McDougal was jailed for contempt of court.

Now, we spend federal money trying Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens for reportedly lying about steroids when in fact they were not banned at that time of their supposed use. What did the Feds, who shouldn't have been looking into this in the first place, think these guys were going to say: "Yeah, I did it. Would you like some?"

Why aren't we using those investigating dollars checking on how banks and credit card companies are ripping us off on a daily basis. Oh, that's right: the banks and financial institutions are sitting on all that money, not loaning it, not helping to create jobs, not getting America going again. Short term gain, maybe, but they're eroding their own foundations and the foreclosed homes will soon come crashing down.

I have credit cards with a 12% interest rate and cards with a 29% interest rate. The rates get raised if you are even one day late after paying on time -- and in full -- for thirty years. The credit card companies charge the highest rates to those that can least afford it.

The tax code is bullshit. Let's have a flat tax. 17% for all individuals and corporations, no deductions, no exceptions. People who earn less than $40,000 per year pay nothing. In the spirit of compromise, I'll even go as high as 18%. Then it's ice cream for everyone.

Full disclosure, I am a registered Democrat who has voted for Republicans on occasion.

The first President Bush knew how to wage war correctly. He put together a coalition of 20 countries, had a defined goal to get Iraq out of Kuwait, and destroyed the Iraqi army. He explained why he didn't want to go to Baghdad and take out Saddam, but his son must have been getting high that day. Hmm.

Maybe the 'War on Drugs' isn't such a bad idea. Nah. Like most sons, GWB just didn't like listening to daddy.

By the way, I supported that war (my first) and co-executive produced with producer David Foster a TV special and song supporting our troops.

I supported it so much I had all three of my wives (2 exes) in that video. It's bullshit in this day and age that Jane Fonda gets dropped from QVC for her political beliefs. She was right about the Vietnam war where 54,000 Americans gave their lives, only to have the last flight out be in a helicopter on top of our embassy. We still pay the price for that war with many of the returning soldiers maimed and not able to adjust to the return.

It is happening again.

It's bullshit that our schools and educational programs are so poor across the board that we can't compete in the 21st century world economy. Another reason to pay some taxes. I want to see our schools revamped from top to bottom. And by that I don't mean the Texas school board taking Thomas Jefferson out of history books because they don't like his opinions.

Here are some excerpts from the No Bullshit Party platform. There will be more to come, and it will be easy to understand so that even the people who have been convinced to vote against their own interests can see how they have been conned and lied to.

I am a capitalist who is outraged that Exxon pays no taxes and gets a subsidy from the government.

If you want less government then keep the lawmakers out of the bedroom and out of women's reproductive rights. Let's keep male circumcision off the ballot box and in the family where it belongs. I'm hopeful about the latter since the initiate was cut from the ballot in San Francisco.

During World War Two, a German said -- and I paraphrase: When they came for the Communists, I was not a Communist so I said nothing. When they came for the Socialists I was not a Socialist so I said nothing. I was not a unionist, a Jew or a Catholic so I said nothing.

When they came for me there was no one left to say anything.

Conservative and Liberal are labels we are given to divide us. Let's just be Americans and remind the Governor Perry' of the world that we are not a "Christian" nation and the founding fathers were very clear about the separation of Church and State. Even JFK knew that.

I am an American who believes in equality for all in both education and opportunity. I believe in a fair and transparent tax system. I believe in shooting drunk drivers who kill while driving, when it's their second offense.

I believe in releasing non-violent offenders from jail so that they can live in halfway houses and work to fix our infrastructure. Let's pay them a living wage so that they contribute to society instead of being a drain.

I would like to show the idiots in the Republican debate what being a real American means. Presidents Ford, Reagan and Bush the elder knew. The current crop of debaters would have them turning over in their graves -- not that I wish Bush I an early end. Maybe he can still talk some sense into those idiots.

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