ARBIL, Iraq (Reuters) - The Ministry of Tourism has 417 employees and big plans: "We need three or four times as many hotels as we have now," says
Nimrud Youkhana, the minister, "and we need to get more airlines to fly
here."Tourism in Iraq?
Administered by the Kurdistan Regional Government (KRG)...Youkhana's plans, and the mere existence of a Tourism Ministry, highlight a bullish view of Kurdistan's future which is also evident in building projects on a grand scale...
--news item Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Are you ready for the ultimate vacation getaway, a journey that will satisfy your thirst for adventure while supporting the projection of American military force against the global threat of dangerous, power-hungry extremists? One simple phone call is all it takes to send you on Operation Unstoppable Liberty.
More emotionally compelling and physically satisfying than some wimpy cowboy dude ranch or sports fantasy camp, Unstoppable Liberty is the first in a series of hands-on foreign policy simulations offered by Hot Zone Tours, a quasi-governmental agency created through a joint-operating agreement between the Department of Homeland Security, the Travel Channel, and the producers of Fear Factor.
With our staff of carefully selected intelligence analysts, battlefield strategists, and wilderness survival experts, Hot Zone Tours is able to guarantee every participant a truly memorable front-line experience from start to finish. Among the highlights of this unique tour of duty:
* 12 o'clock High. When your unit is pinned down at night by sudden small arms fire (no real bullets used; strings of M-80 firecrackers create the illusion of muzzle flashes along an open trench) you grab the radio to request immediate air support, then sit back to watch the awesome spectacle of two fully armed A-10 Warthogs swoop in at treetop level, unleash a tornado of flying steel, and obliterate the hostile position.
* Saving Private Smith. Feel the spine-tingling excitement of covert ops as you lead a commando team inside a heavily fortified enemy-controlled hospital to free an female comrade who has been taken prisoner in a desert ambush. (Note: we are unable to call this activity "Saving Jessica Lynch" due to various licensing disputes involving cinematic and literary projects that are currently in litigation over the use of that name -- another classic case of pesky lawyers screwing up our system of free enterprise.)
* The Hole Enchilada. Only Hot Zone Tours gives you the unique opportunity of spending 10 full hours in a meticulously detailed full-scale duplicate of the subterranean nook where Saddam Hussein huddled in his failed attempt to avoid capture. Temperature and humidity are carefully controlled for maximum comfort and the entire installation has been constructed to conform with all provisions of the Americans With Disabilities Act.
To commemorate the success of Operation Unstoppable Liberty, you will receive a souvenir photo of yourself shaking hands with a member of the Iraqi Interior Ministry or a person of equal stature from whatever administrative organization is maintaining order at the time of your Hot Zone visit.
Plus, for an extra fee of just $10,000 (all of which will be placed in a special CIA bank account used to fund reward payments in the ongoing search for fugitive Ba'ath party loyalists) you can purchase a genuine hair from Saddam's beard!
Each individual strand comes sealed in mylar, mounted in a handsome Honduran mahogany frame with a serial number and certificate of authenticity signed by former Coalition Provisional Authority kingpin L. Paul Bremer.
This is a limited time offer so don't wait. The mother of all desert adventures begins at 1-555-HOTZONE. No special tour codes or blackout dates to remember. When the operator answers, all you have to say is, "Bring it on!"