Post-Yuletide Alert: Tree Disposal Scams Are Booming

As Americans pack up the holiday lights and decorations, police have this warning: There is no magic potion for getting rid of the yule tree.

"We're getting reports about a new tree disposal scam from coast to coast," says FBI fraud specialist Byron Snipes. "A man comes to the door and, for ten or fifteen bucks, offers to spray the branches with a special formula that numbs the organism so it cannot feel any pain or discomfort when it's fed into the chipper at your local charity recycling depot."

"Do not be fooled," Snipes adds, "if the visitor shows you a fancy looking certificate from a group called 'Arborists for Humane Treatment of Evergreens.' There is no such organization and these scammers are ruthlessly preying on the personal and cultural values of their victims."

In addition to being totally illegal, law enforcement officials say the scam causes collateral social damage by spreading false information that can turn into urban legends.

"We understand what a sensitive time this is for many families," Agent Snipes explains. "Many people do, in fact, develop an emotional relationship with their Christmas trees as the holiday season progresses. But these fake plant experts are lying when they say the trees love you back. I am telling all citizens right now that Christmas trees do not experience physical or emotional responses that occur in humans. If Carl Sagan or Isaac Asimov were still around they would back me up on this."

Snipes also offered a suggestion for anyone who feels stress or anxiety during the process of tree transition.

"Once the tree is in the car and you're heading for the disposal site," he says, "I recommend putting on a Christmas CD by Perry Como or Kenny G. Their holiday music has a soothing, sedative-like effect on just about all living things, plant or animal."