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Jenee Woodard

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Parenting Adults With Autism

Posted: 03/ 7/2012 12:22 pm

There are more and more people like me in the world. My son's autism was diagnosed when he was 5, after having been termed "pre-primary impaired" for 3 years. As he developed and grew, it became obvious that his autism was quite severe. At age 20, he is not really conversationally verbal. He hoots, hums, jumps, skips, and paces through his day. He has low tolerance for errors in building mechanics, weather forecasts, faulty or illogical wiring. He is immediately drawn to the thermostat in any room we enter, which he inspects thoroughly, no matter what the proximity of other people or the location of the thermostat. He likes routers. And telephone/computer networks. A lot.

At the same time, our family, the school systems in town, and many, many people have spent the past 15 years making decisions to teach him to complete tasks as directed. With an occasional slip, he will do this at a fairly high level within computer-related situations. He is prompt and courteous in the workplace. He will do high level repetitive work that either people cannot be trained to do because of their inability to work at this level, or consider repetitive because of their ability to work at levels where more decisions are necessary. He fills an important niche in contemporary IT situations. And people are afraid to hire him.

I understand. Budgets are low. Corporate structures have job descriptions that include things that disqualify him for certain jobs. He is large and he doesn't really talk to people. He is unpredictable at times. Working with him can be uncomfortable and annoying at times. He scares people. He can be seen as a liability. People are afraid of lawsuits. People are afraid of precedents, so if they hire him, they would have to hire the next autistic person, or they tried one autistic person once and it didn't work out. All of these things are true.

We raised our son -- our community raised our son -- not to think that he is "disabled," but to be integrated into the communities around him. This took a lot of work on my son's part and on the part of many, many people who spent much time and energy teaching him to perform tasks and be part of communities in a mutual way. We taught him (and he learned) that he needs to work, as well as he can, at the expectations of those who supervise him, no matter what he "wants" to do during those hours. He can do this and he does this.

And I am so completely frustrated right now with structures that "protect" institutions and corporations, and even individuals instead of giving adults with autism the opportunity to figure out work situations that will be beneficial for them, and for these institutions and corporations. I understand. Completely. And if it doesn't work out for everyone involved, it will not work out for my son. But it seems that with all of the talk of making autistic people part of "our" society, this last step -- integrating them into mainstream workplaces in ways that will work for everyone involved -- is proving very, very difficult.

Don't get me wrong. I don't expect that exceptions be made for him in order to give him special "privileges" that make him "disabled" in the eyes of the society. I don't want him on disability. I don't want him to think of himself as "disabled." But corporations and institutions are largely set up, like the rest of the world, for the convenience of those corporations and institutions and the "normal" people who have worked through "normal" channels to get "normal" jobs as described. And I can't help but think of it as discrimination of the kind that is opposed by these very same people on almost every level but this one. With just a bit of tweaking, my son, and growing numbers like him, can truly be beneficial to our society in ways people have not even begun to consider. And the "trick" for me is finding someone to give them a chance.

For me, this means working with people I'd rather not work with sometimes. I'd rather get an advocacy group, come in with guns blazing and force them to do what seems like the obvious thing to me. But this doesn't work anymore at this stage than it worked, in the long run, during his education. Instead, it continues to take education -- not only of my son, but also of those with whom he potentially works. And it takes patience that I don't have every day.

I would love to hear honest discussion about this -- beyond shouting back and forth. How do we get beyond a stalemate that is costing our society in many, many ways? These folks are out there and they are coming of age. How do we integrate them into our society in a way that is beneficial for everyone, taking into consideration not only the needs of these persons with autism, but also the needs and limitations of corporations and institutions? What do you think?

 
There are more and more people like me in the world. My son's autism was diagnosed when he was 5, after having been termed "pre-primary impaired" for 3 years. As he developed and grew, it became obvio...
There are more and more people like me in the world. My son's autism was diagnosed when he was 5, after having been termed "pre-primary impaired" for 3 years. As he developed and grew, it became obvio...
 
 
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07:31 PM on 03/20/2012
Every group of people who are discriminated against has to fight a long, hard battle to make people aware. We all need to speak up at every opportunity, and to see that people on the spectrum who have been successful, like the earlier poster who started her own law firm, get tons of publicity. It's just so sad that people can't get past their prejudices to appreciate the valuable contribution so many people with Autism/Aspergers can make.
04:47 PM on 03/20/2012
Thank you for this and as a parent of a nearly 18 year old ASD teen who is employed part time and a full time college student, I applaud your concern and your hard work. Tweaking is extremely tough duty and requires ultimate attention -- and we have lives, too? When?

Even those who would help rarely understand that even subtle differences from one autistic person to another can skew expected results. FOr instance, although my son qualified for vocational rehab services, he would have been required to attend a full week of workshops, from 8-4, an hour away, and in regular settings with lights, noises, etc. Well, if he could do that, we'd not have much of a problem and he'd have fit well into a regular school environment. (College is much more sensory friendly and less rigid -- so my kid that never really could go to school is just fine at a local uni.)

And that's the problem - people would have to understand that tweaking is paramount. I do highly reccommend that teens and their parents attend one of Michele Garcia-Winner's workshops on transitioning ASD, ADHD, and Social Anxiety suffering teens to adulthood. I took my son to one. He was the only teen there...and yet HE pulled more about himself, specifically, out of that than I did. He recognized his own issues and could chose from the menu.
06:14 PM on 03/09/2012
Thanks for bringing some attention to this very sensitive topic. I have worked as a provider for individuals on the spectrum for about 10 years. I started out providing behavior support for students in both the classroom and home settings. As I started to see "my" students aging out of special education services and falling through very wide cracks I moved into the supported employment arena where I worked providing training and group employment opportunities for individuals who could not successfully maintain individual placements (for any number of reasons). Many employers are simply just unaware of how to support individuals with disabilities.

The first step is identifying an employer open to hiring an individual with disabilities. Then you come up with a game plan on how to deal with ALL of the possibilities, to help the individual be successful. You also want to appeal to the employer with facts such as (in my state of VA) there are tax advantages to hiring individuals with disabilities. Successful placement comes down to very individualized plans with specific supports that allow the individual to be as independent as possible in an understanding work environment.

I have since moved into forming my own company that focuses on bridging these gaps in services and provides functional, appropriate, individualized, and transferable accommodations that increase independent functioning, provides training to increase “employee characteristics” and training for the employer.

I wish you all the best and much success for your son! Feel free to contact me adaptteam@mail.com.
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season555
Allaah knows best
05:02 PM on 03/09/2012
I saw this amazing kid on youtube, he says he has autism, I don't much about autism. I don't have children but if I did I would want them to as productive as he is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfMePz5zFeE&feature=related
12:57 AM on 03/09/2012
As an early intervention therapist, I hope that things change simply because that's what I'm working towards. I am there helping children and families to get kids to communicate and function more appropriately and hope that builds a base for them as time goes on. However, if these kids who hold so much potential aren't given opportunities later in life, what have we been fighting for all along? There needs to be some viable option for the adults who are higher functioning to be contributing members of society.
06:10 PM on 03/08/2012
Without a doubt this woman has lived a LONG 20 years. No matter how much she loves her son this could not have been easy and I'm sure there were NUMEROUS times she probably thought about "what if." I also imagine she is TIRED. Tired of having to deal with 10 times extra work to look out after her child. My brother only had a small learning disability growing up and being back in the 60s and 70s even that was a REAL pain in the public school system. Back then there weren't 1/10 of the programs and laws set up as there are now. All I know is that, which was NOTHING compared to what this family has lived, my mother was so glad when my brother graduated she could have celebrated for a month. I feel for this woman and her son. I wonder if there was work he could do at home. Many people would give anything for that luxery and are choosing that when possible.
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04:43 PM on 03/08/2012
This is a topic that needs discussion- now. We are hearing about and seeing so many children today that fall into the Autism/Asperger's group. This is going to be a major problem within the next 10 years and onward. What will happen with these chlidren as parents age and will not be able to help them, if the child does not have living,coping skills and jobs?. Some may have siblings to help, but just in this comments section one person had 2 children with problems. The public is just now really beginning to think there may be a 'problem'.
04:43 PM on 03/08/2012
My son has asperger's syndrome (mild autism) and I worry about this very topic everyday. He is graduating from high school this year and wants to go to college. He has quirky social skills and when too overwhelmed can have a complete meltdown, especially when he doesn't know how to deal with a bad situation or handle the emotions that go with it. But, he is so smart! I worry he won't be able to get out there and get a job because when they find out he has a form of autism they will totally disqualify him at that point. There are so many more people out there with autism that are starting to age out of our school systems. The world, our nation in particular, needs to be ready. These folks will outnumber us before we know it and everyone better adjust their way of thinking and the way they deal with individuals. For the record, it is nice to know I'm not the only parent worried and outraged over this!
04:03 PM on 03/08/2012
My grandson has been diagnosed with Autism (I think PDD). He is a wonderful, beautiful child who is loving and happy. His parents, my daughter and son-in-law could not be better parents. He is big for his age, he is two and is the size of a four year old, and I worry about him going to school and being bullied because of his illness. Right now, at two, he is in a very loving and protected environment and because his father is military, he has many resources available at such a young age. My daughter, some how believes that with the right help, he will be fine. I hope so. If he is not, I would be willing to start up a cooperative and attempt to get federal funding or private funding myself to do what one post spoke about, connecting with companies and up a well rounded work/social environment and hopefully have many parents help and give respite to each other. We can find a solution if we continue to not put our heads in the sand or be embarrassed or ashamed because Autism is no different than someone with Cerebral Palsy or Diabetes. People are put on this earth with difficulties, not so they can be a burden to us, but so that we have the opportunity to relate to them with kindness, love and patience as Jesus relates to all of us.
03:59 PM on 03/08/2012
This needs to be addressed as more adults are being diagnosed with Aspergers and the number of children being diagnosed with autism has increased. I am a teacher of preschoolers with different cognitive challenges. As my master's thesis was on autism, I've worked with many children on the Spectrum. All people have a gift or talent for something that can be turned into a job or occupation. While I don't have as much experience with adults, I know a talent a child displays in preschool can be nurtured into a career/profession. As one example, I've heard that some adults on the spectrum find good jobs with computer programming, as it is such an exact science with minimal contact with other people, These were children who understood how to program electronics or took apart computers at an early age. The real expert in this field is John Elder Robison; who was diagnosed with Aspergers later in life. He didn't graduate from high school, but his talent for electronics got him a job with Kiss devising their pyrotechnics, and later he owned a car repair business for high end and vintage cars. His books: "Look Me in the Eye" and "Be Different," are examples of what can happen when a talent is discovered at early age. However, as he came from a dysfunctinal family, his abilities not nurtured,. He figured out life for himself. Not everyone can do that, but everyone has a place as a contributing member of society.
01:30 PM on 03/08/2012
My heart is so open for you right now. I just spoke with a friend who has two elementary school aged kids with PDD-NOS and these issues are slowly breaking her. All parents worry about their kids' futures and earning, but to the nth degree more with kids who are not neurotypical. There ARE employers and companies around that are more holistic in their goals than cold, hard capitalism, but you have to do some searching. I don't have answers for you, but I'll pay attention to the comments here - maybe there's a solution from getting parents together and having open dialogue.
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01:23 PM on 03/08/2012
I think this scenario should be impressed upon as a societal issue that should be dealt with those at the local, state, and national level. We will need to deal with this situation as Autism is rampant in our world. We outsource our jobs to China. Why not let individuals who lack social skills work on assembling computers, machines, etc.? As a former teacher of exceptional students, this was
not of huge importance as I worked with elementary students, but an issue of tantamount necessity! I would love to hear of others' suggestions, especially in terms of employment in the private sector.
12:39 PM on 03/08/2012
I just want to say that AUTISM HAS A KNOWN CAUSE!! Fragile X Syndrome - simply - a single GENE turned off due to too many repeats. Down Syndrome is caused by an extra chromosome (many genes). Fragile X Syndrome can occur at ANY age - 1 in 250 women and 1 in 800 men are carriers. Fragile X Syndrome is a medical, more specifically a genetic disorder while ADD and ADHD are behavioral problems. Autism or Autism Spectrum Disorder is also a behavioral diagnosis. Autism is caused by various factors both genetic and non-genetic. The National Fragile X Foundation says Autism's main known single gene cause is Fragile X Syndrome while "Other genetic causes include deletions of chromosome 15q, tuberous sclerosis, PKU and other rare genetic conditions". With your suggestion does not solve the problem of the increased incidence of Autism. These age studies weren't looking at the reason!! With a simple blood test, the genetic causes can be determined. The other, non-genetic, causes are MORE difficult to determine. In the past 50 years, the use of artificial dyes, preservatives, new medications, hormones, pollution, electronic waste, less minerals being replaced in farm land (only 4), has exploded. These unavoidable chemicals on this Earth are affecting us and all the living things here, some in yet unknown ways. Fibromyalgia, ADD/ADHD, Autism, mental illness, 2 headed snakes, 6 legged frogs, etc. The cause of Autism is complex, just as the reason for the differences in all of us is complex.
12:00 PM on 03/08/2012
Part 2

I'm not an expert. I know I couldn't find anyone(believe me we looked) who had a realistic, whole plan to help this young man find a niche where he could have friends, a social life and not be an adult child that mom has to supervise, entertain, care for. If the best job they could offer is bagging groceries then I knew my son would fail. He is aware when people speak to him like he is stupid. Doesn't everyone deserve to be treated with dignity?

He has been to several programs where he is supposed to learn job skills. They don't seem to look at the adult's ability or try to make the work situation possible for our kids. It was pretty cookie cutter.
They have skills that will benefit an employer and society but they are different for each adult.
We are involved with a fledgling program that has a vision of a community within the community. The work will be brought in and they will be productive without having to navigate the social complexities. At present they are primarily doing "computer stuff"(my term) Some have created apps.
My son drives, has an apartment, has a girlfriend, a few friends but mostly he is engaged in a life that he wants. I'm hoping some work will be in his future.
11:59 AM on 03/08/2012
Welcome to my world. My son is almost 27. The information and services are considerabley different than when we started out.
I can assure you that the child you see at 11 will be very different at 15, 18, 21, 24 and even 27. He has more maturity every year.
Disability wise, the government agencies that we have worked with are kind, thoughtful and severely under manned. Most importantly we didn't really meet anyone(in 2 states) who really knew what my son needed in terms of job support or even types of jobs. Of course, once you decide on a job, there is difficulty in finding one. It's just not a comprehensive job program. I thought sorting boxes for UPS or one of the other companies would be ideal. He went for cattle call after cattle call with no call back. They weren't interested in taking a chance.
Socially our children are awkward and different. They don't look, dress, smell or talk like the rest of the group. Their interests are strange and they tend to have no filter when talking. They become invisible just like high school despite a few who try hard to integrate our adult children into the social areas of a job.

We tried social groups at every different age. I found them well meaning but very child like, insulated and almost patronizing. 2 hrs a month isn't socializing. I do not want my adult son to be babysat.